Redonkulous Links

Who updates this thing?

2007-08-06T14:43:00.000-07:00

Geez, this blog seems to be dying a slow death. Is it just the slow summer months? Any ideas on how to pick things up around here? Anybody have anything they want blogged about? The Linker is taking requests. Have the days of redonkulous-linker-generated-content come to an end?

I saw a Black Flag sticker on a Cadillac.

2007-07-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

Now that my treadmill is finally repaired, I have watched a ton of sports on the big screen in these past few weeks, but I have not watched one single minute of the traditional summer sports -- baseball, golf, or tennis. Nope, my summer sports viewing is been shifted to almost all Soccer all the time, and some MMA, and these sports pack 20 times the excitement of a 9 inning baseball nap, or following around Tiger in person.

In just the past couple weeks we have seen USA Soccer’s Gold Cup victory, the U-20 World Cup matches starring Freddy Adu, and DC’s only perennial first place team DC United. The US sent a young inexperienced team to Copa America, with little intent on winning, and yet I still watched all of those games, even in freaking espanol. Thats right, Id rather watch a spanish broadcast of soccer that I don't understand than another Yankees Bosox matchup. Traditional summer sports could not be more dead to me.
Thanks to Goff at the DC Post Soccer Insider blog, I realized that the US-Brazil U-20 game was shown on ESPN last week and Freddy Adu was nothing short of brilliant in beathing Brazil. Not only that, but in the prior game against Poland Adu had racked up a hat trick including this sweet goal.

This week, the U-20s advanced to the final eight in the World Cup in an ugly game against Urugauay, with the best highlight ive seen being the brouhaha at the end. Her is to hoping that ESPN realizes that this is the future of summer sports in the US and the rest of the world cup is shown on channels that people actually receive instead of ESPN-UV or the Ocho.
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I am no longer 12 years old, and therefore, unlike the rest of my generation, I have no burning desire to see the Transformers movie. The Gobots movie, however, is a different story. (The only person less interested than me in the transformers is Optimus Prime’s GEICO agent).
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In case you were wondering, the iphone does blend.
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Bill-O gets his ass handed to him by a 16 year old kid..and obviously it is great viewing
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Through the magic of the youtubes, David Cross debates Rudy Guiliani. Do I need to tell you that “Mr.9/11" loses.
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via spoony D: 30 Rock Top 10 Moments starring Tracy Morgan
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DocLinks continued: Fimoculous finds links to the entire “This Film Is Not Yet Rated” and yet another link to “Sicko” (for now).
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In a strange way I am almost glad that Bush pardoned Scooter Libby (commutating is effectively the same as pardoning in this case). It doesn’t really do anything for me if a mega-rich asshole spends 2 years in a country club prison before getting back to his mega-rich country club life. On the other hand, with the pardon out in the open, we get to see the total hypocrisy of the Bush Republicans. If someone opposes lengthy jail sentences for kids caught with marijuana they are soft on crime, but if your friend gets caught obstructing justice ...pardon him. If you are want an “illegal alien” to not be deported you are all about “amnesty” and don’t understand what “illegal” means. But if your friend lies under oath, that is not really that illegal... so pardon him. If someone from one party lies about sex they should be impeached and jailed, if one of your friends lies about the outing of a covert CIA agency and obstructs justice to prevent the facts from coming out...give em a pardon. Give me a freaking break with this “tough on crime” nonsense. Also, watch the republican hypocrisy continue in this video
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Flowers and old legionaires

2007-06-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

Once again Agent Steinz, from the Washington Post’s D.C. Sports Bog, promotes and defends the Redonkulous Linker, this time defending our hero from the evil thieves at Mike and Mike In the Morning.
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Speaking of brilliant sports bloggers, Unsilent Majority eloquently explained in Deadspin early last week why Gilbert’s announced decision to opt out of his contract was just a smart business decision and does NOT mean he is leaving:

Simply put, there's no reason for to go anywhere else. This is his home, it's where he's raising a family, it's where he's loved, and it's where he reigns supreme as The Black President (which makes him more powerful than Eleanor Holmes Norton) . And if does leave he knows that we'll find him. Remember, we're a bunch of crazy fuckers [with a cite to the crazy fuckers at Wizznutz]

Later in the week Gilbert personally and completely confirmed the thoughts of UM on his own blizzog.
Anyway, why would Arenas have signed a personalized jersey to the “R. Linker”if he planned on leaving us.
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DC’s best pound-for-pound blogger, the DCeiver, has nailed my feelings exactly on the latest incarnation of total-whackjob, Perry Farrell. Yes Jane’s Addiction was great, but as I rediscovered in a recent Ron and Fez podcast, the man is a complete lunatic, Satellite Party will undoubtedly suck and DCeiver rightly explains why. Money quote:

Take this Satellite Party shit. To hear Farrell talk about it, it's like he's unlocked the Arc of the Covenant of something. He talks about his shitty band in these terms that you'd have to have ingested two huge Aaron Sorkin-loads of shrooms to even halfway believe. He tells interviewers that on UltraPayloaded, he's more or less created the music that will instantaneously unlock the mysteries of the celestial spheres and douse the listener in fluffy bunny rabbits and orgasm-inducing ambrosia and that the experience will be tantamount to seeing the face of God. In the first place, Fergie is a collaborator on this record, so you know this is just an impossible claim from jump, but sadly, his prize gimmick is some moldy old field recording of Jim Morrisson, saying only fuckadoo knows what. Christ, I'm surprised there isn't a whole room full of tapes with Morrisson blabbing on them--if they don't exist it's only because someone who loved him burned them.

DCeiver is harsh on the 90's icon, but the guy has got a point.
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A few years ago, the geniuses at the Pentagon were actually planning a “Gay Bomb” to turn our enemies, well, gay. Dont believe me?...

Alex Blagg at Best Week Ever did some fine investigative reporting and found the schematics for the top secret gay bomb.
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Interesting remix video of T-Pain's .Let me buy you a draaaank
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After last weeks in depth discussion on the rise of Douchiness in our popular culture, I stumbled across this Manfred Man song playing somewhere. (check the video ) Hearing Mr. Man repeat the chorus about 20 times in the song (including 3 straight times to begin the joint, I became convinced that the subject of this ditty was proclaimed to be “wrapped up like douche.” After a minimal amount of digging around on the intertubes, my thoughts were confirmed by the Wikipedias.
Under the subheading "Deuce versus douche", I learned that the song was actually written by Bruce Springsteen and referenced to a duece, a '32 Ford Deuce Coupe. The song was then covered by Man and changed to 'revved up like a douche', "which is a feminine hygienic procedure." The Boss even attributed the popularity of the cover version to the repeated use of the douche wrapping. Nice.
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Thanks to Fimoculous, here is the entire new Michael Moore, doc Sicko.
And don’t worry about watching it online, I remember Moore saying he doesnt mind the file sharing on teh internets. Since he doesn't mind, here is the full Farenheit 9/11
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Skeptics Guide to the Douchebaggaverse

2007-06-04T20:38:00.000-07:00

Another two week delay, but since I received no comments or emails regarding the lack of posting...I will just assume that nobody cared
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Big psuedo-scientific news last week as the Loch Ness Monster was finally filmed terrorizing Scotland. At least according to CNN, whose breathless headline read “Fabled monster caught on video.” The text of the article was no less hysterical: “The Scottish media is skeptical of Nessie stories but Holmes' footage is of such good quality that even the normally reticent BBC Scotland aired the video on its main news program on Tuesday.” Ooooh I couldnt wait to see this high quality video so I found the Scottish newscast on the Gootube. The CNN article continued: “Loch Ness Monster watchers say is among the finest footage ever taken of the elusive mythical creature.” Ok, it is settled, “Loch Ness Monster watchers” are fucking idiots. The only thing shown in the video was a long black line moving through the water. This is what passes for a monster these days?

I knew the skeptics would have a field day with this nonsense, and the message board of my favorite skeptical podcast, Skeptics Guide to the Universe, did not dissapoint. Quickly a more suitable headline was created
RECANT YOUR SKEPTICAL POSITIONS FOR I HAVE PHOTOGRAPHED AN ELONGATED BLUE-BLACKISH BLOB !!!!
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Speaking of believing in stupid shit. Cracked.com has an excellent list of the top 10 celebrities whose belief in the alien Xenu are most disappointing. Jason Lee, Beck, Seinfeld....dagger.
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Finally almost 15 years after high school, the lyrics to Yellow Ledbetter are explained on the gootube.
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I have pretty much avoided the guy-in-basement-talking-into-webcam side of youtube, but this ol' skeptical bastard ranting about religion on about 30 podcasts kicks much ass
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Resident Donkies(eys) Paparazzi Spooony D got himself in Gilbertology recently with a ton of Agent Zero and other Wizard-themed photoshops. If I really cared about this blog I'd procure his magician like services to fix up this damn thing again as with his brilliant rendering of Billy Donovan eating children - Coach K style - back in March of '06
But still have "edit me" links in the right margin. Give me a reason to care, I dare you.
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Holy Shit The Bees Are All Dead
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Matthew Mf-ing Yglesias linked to this highlarious and pseudo-intellectual examination of the modern day douchebag
He has seen the douchebag, and it is us.

The surprising thing about douchebag, which has become the current default term of disparagement—deployed with relish by everyone from Jon Stewart to every other blogger—is that most likely your grandfather used it too...Over time, the word has come to denote “somebody who can’t help but to be an asshole

Although the douchebag described in that article may be be me, at least I am not the type of dbag prominently featured on the Hot Chicks With Douchebags Blog
and I have yet to buy an douche cologne

glumbert.com - The Douche Cologne

Shouldn't have left you

2007-05-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

I missed a week in posting. You can all feel free to dock my salary 100%
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A great weekend was made greater by my decision to skip out on Preakness once again. A couple of years ago, I realized that I was about 10 years too old to ride the durnk bus to the Freakness infield and have since retired. The videos surfacing today of all the Port-O-Racing have confirmed that my decision was wise. Much better to drink in my backyard and watch the Preakness nonsense on Youtube, without having to worry about 12 ounce metal projectiles full of Natty Light whizzing by my head.

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Port-O-Racing is almost as dangerous for Bmore necks and fratboys, as break-dancing is for babies.......keep watching until the end

And as with every great video on the internets...Here is the remix and in the words of With Leather, with more baby-kicking.
I think the only little kid I would trust around the breakdancers is this guy
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Jerry Falwell is now in a box, and while Christopher Hitchens is one wacky drunk, he sure gives an amazing euology
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I think I stared at Flickrvision for twenty minutes straight last night, and I have no idea why. Flickervision - watch worldwide pictures get uploaded onto Flickr in real time
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The other day I arrived at work without an essential ingredient for my work day -- the almighty ipod. It was like arriving at Preakness without your tribal tatoo or at Falwell's church without anything to bash a gay person with. Anyway, I was immediately unsure whether I could function through an entire workday of helping rich people fight other rich people over money, without constant acceptable music playing in the background. Luckily, I had the ingenious idea of using the Google Gootube search function to find full length concerts all over the Gootube. By using the time settings and the rating settings I was able to find a bunch of great shows, each at least 20 minutes long, and the day was saved.

Here are the jounks I especially enjoyed

Redonkulously good full set of My Morning Jacket at Austin City Limits

1971 Neil Young Acoustic BBC Concert

Pearl Jam - in a Tower Records - just after releasing Ten

Radiohead, live and doing a ton of Kid A material

Bright Eyes on a morning radio show

Foo Fighters trying to save mainstream rock.
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Highlarious article on Airborne. I guess since people in my law office already believe in Feng Shui, Astrology, and Noah’s Ark, believing in Airborne isn't all that outrageous
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Months ago I had a conversation with a former NSA employee who tried to convince me that our government would not have authorized the warrantless wiretapping unless they were confident that it was legal and effective. Right. Last week we got the real story, as James Comey testified before Congress about how Bush’s incompetent cronies attempted to convince a hospital bed-ridden and drugged-up attorney general to approve the illegal program because the acting attorney general already informed these pathetic clowns that it was unconstitutional. Comey had to race to the hospital to stop Gone-zalez and Card from taking advantage of the guy recovering from surgery by getting him to sign off. If you want to see how low the Bush administration routinely sinks, watch the video of the testimony

If that is not lively enough for you, as with all great internet videos, check out the Godfather remix of the testimony

As Josh Marshall points out, one of the most stunning developments in this story was that Ashcroft almost comes out as a hero. Crazy I know, but the point really is that compared to Gone-zalez and the rest of Bush’s recent cronies, even total idiots like Ashcroft seem like heroes in comparison.

"I wish that I believed in fate"

2007-05-08T11:42:00.000-07:00

With the Wizards season over and Agent Steinz now having to resort to covering pro lacrosse, I was sent the best cross-over website for both the D.C. Sports Bog and Bog-TV Cheddarvision. While it may simply be a way to watch cheese age (it’s the new watching grass grow) it is still almost as exciting as a midlevel boxing match. Go there and watch the cheese age LIVE.

Best of all the, Bog Show can now get its "You Tube Clip of the Week" and its "Artisanal Cheese of the Week" all in one single exciting package. Regional television will never be the same

Mmmm cheddar aging.
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If you watch the office, you know you cannot resist the sweet sounds of Andy Bernard. Luckily the Thigh Master has collected all of his a capella song stylings in one place. Check out the greatest hits....and drift awaaaay
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For some reason Spoony D sent me this video of real life dungeons and dragons warriors, so I had to show him what happens when these guys get arrested.

I'm wearing boots of escaping!
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I soaked up the hype and watched the big fight this weekend. If that was anywhere near the best that boxing has to offer, then it is finished as a major sport in the US. Unlike just about every MMA fight that I have ever watched, there was never even a threat of one fighter knocking the other one down during any of the 40 or so rounds. I don’t need to see blood or broken bones, I just want a chance that one guy will knock the other guy down or at least into the ropes. De La Hoya simply chased Mayweather around the ring while Pretty Boy Floyd danced around and jabbed him in the face when he got tired of chasinge. How exciting. The fight ended in a split decision with each fighter claiming victory, and even Pretty boy Floyd’s own father stating that De La Hoya should have won.

From watching the full broadcast, and the hype leading up, it was clear that boxing knows its in trouble, and has already developed a complex with regard to MMA. If you watch an MMA or UFC event you do not see some clown like Jim Lampley claiming that boxers don’t have nearly the skill of MMA fighters. But for some reason Lampley felt like he needed to take time out to bash the UFC in what had been billed as the superbowl of boxing. Watch a UFC event and the only time boxing is mentioned is as one of the many disciplines involved in MMA. Give it up Lamps and go back to beating your wife.

Also to say that a top flight boxer would defeat an MMA fighter in a mixed martial arts fight is redizzonkulous. A boxer would win in a BOXING match but a top level MMA fighter would destroy the boxer in a cage. Yet leading up to the fight, Mayweather began running his mouth and saying he would beat any MMA fighter. Lightweight champ Sean Sherk immediately accepted any challenge by PBFloyd and SAT RINGSIDE to remind Mayweather of that fact that he would elbow him into unconsciousness if PBF fought in a cage. Here is how a fight between PBFloyd and Sherk would go...Sherk charges at PBF with his hands in front of his fact, Mayweather lands a couple of huge blows to the top of Sherk's hard head as he rushes in, Sherk takes down PBF to the ground and proceeds to hold him in place while he takes his face apart with elbows. Mayweather would, however, win in a jump rope contest.

UPDATE: Mayweather apologizes and smartly claims he does not want to fight in the UFC.

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AND NOW FOR OUR CON-IDIOTS OF THE WEEK

When I saw this headline pop up on the RSS feeder, I did not even read the story.
"NRA opposes bill to stop gun sales to terror suspects."
I just figured this was an overzealous liberal blogger doing what partisan supporters often do, re-writing the headline with significant hyperbole.

Then I was sent the same article by semi-republican Gerard G. under the headline “I need a new party” and I realized
...holy shit, that was the actual real headline, and the intention of the NRA...the NRA is really trying to block a bill that would restrict the sale of guns to TERROR SUSPECTS.

Why do we even have a gun lobby anymore? Do they really think that terror suspects should have a right to hunt with uzi’s if they feel like it. Really, terror suspects should have a right to hunt with automatic weapons? I don’t even know what else to write. I think we can now start commenting freely on Va Tech, this shit is so stupid.
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This just in, 3 out of 10 (30% for you non-math majors) of the Republicans running for president likely believe that Noah actually built an Ark and collected two of each and every animal, including aardvarks, elephants, and single cell amoebas before sailing around the world

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“As the Bush administration's so-called "AIDS czar," Deputy Secretary of State Randall L. Tobias was criticized for emphasizing faithfulness and abstinence over condom use to combat sexually transmitted diseases.

Tobias was one of these religious right wackos who believed that teaching kids, in both the US and in third-world countries, only about abstienence with no mention of that icky safe sex. Want to stop disease and unwanted pregnancy, just teach them about abstinence, and how to be religious. Tobias even thought that preaching Christianity would help convince everyone to stay in committed relationships like his. So guess what happened last week... the dumbass hypocrite was found on the D.C. Madam’s list ordering hookers like they were netflix movies.

Deputy Secretary of State Randall L. Tobias submitted his resignation Friday, one day after confirming to ABC News that he had been a customer of a Washington, D.C. escort service whose owner has been charged by federal prosecutors with running a prostitution operation.

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I'll be the water wings

2007-04-27T07:42:00.000-07:00

I forgot to post this for the last couple weeks, but if you are getting back into Sopranos this seven minute video rolling through every single plot-line for each and every season in 7 total minutes is a must.....outstanding

Much better, although not nearly as ass-kicking as this musical asskicking video summary of the Die Hard series...yipppekayyaaa mutherfucker.
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I know this Landlord video is a couple weeks old, but I had the pleasure of heairng Donkey McDonkerton attempt to recite it from memory about 8 times last weekend, and it is still good

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Gilbert went off again on his blog last week and even gets into his potential co-presidency with Obama.
I will be in the Verizon Center tomorrow when Agent Zero hopefully unveils his surprise and makes 4 million dollars rain from the rafters. I also appreciate the Wizards tanking the first 2 games so I can get cheap tickets for the home games, as the Wizards prepare to win 4 straight and take out the Cavs.
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Gerard G is a big fan of this video where a woman breaks down the details of penis power
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This week the SCGiant, blogger of all design products and other assorted useless crap that I need, points me to a badass matchbook. Despite the fact that I have no need for matches, I might get one to keep in my pocket next to my money switchblade comb...those really impress the ladies.
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Thanks to Gorilla Mask here is a link to the top ten Howard Stern gootube videos, and that site contains a link to over 200 other Stern clips. That Uber site also has a boatload of other top ten video lists including holloywood’s breast actresses. Ah the magic of the gootubes.
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At the request of Mease and others I have to post this Cro Cop video. The Croation guy in this fight is the head of an Anti-terrorist swat team and a member of the Croatian parliament, in addition to being a professional asskicker, but you gotta watch this fight

Mirko Cro Cop vs Gabriel Gonzaga
Uploaded by snatchGTT

This fight headlined a card that seems to have finally brought the sport of MMA into the sports and internets’ mainstream. The UFC couldnt get an HBO deal completed in time for this event, so they decided to air one of their regular pay-per-view shows on regular basic cable. I’ve been on this MMA/UFC bandwagon for a couple years now, and most other peoples didnt seem to notice, but after this free show my RSS reader started blowin up with sports fans who usually never mentioned the sport...first local sports talker Czaban was hyping the fight, also the twin kings of sports blogging With Leather and Deadspin jumped on board. As if that was not enough, I noted that the boxing section on CBS sportsline has become MMA/Boxing.
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I wanna know what's in.

2007-04-19T19:47:00.000-07:00

Its tough to live in the DC area not be touched in some way, and have some connection to, the horrible tragedy at Va Tech. I thought about taking a week off from posting stupid videos, telling bloggy jokes, or publishing expletive filled political rants on the internets, but what good would that do. What I will do unlike so many others is hold off on jumping in with my policy remedies. I agree with Governor Kaine, before we start debating gun policy, or any other political solution, we need to simply step back for a bit and let people grieve. There will be plenty of time to assign blame and propose policies in the coming weeks and months. Now is NOT the time to pull an O’Reilly and try to use a tragedy to boost our pet issues. Even though I went to JMU, we are all Hokies this week.
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With this Tech news, Iraq literrally blowing up, and everything else, at least one video from last weeks post seems pretty damn relevant

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Now we will rejoin our regular Re-Donkosity, already in progress.
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There are these so-called Kiai and Chi masters who believe that their mastery of the natural/supernatural martial arts is so strong that they barely need to touch their opponent to defeat them, and sometimes can knock them over without even touching the opponent. These guys have brainwashed their students and apparently brainwashed themselves. Here is what happens when one of those "masters" faces a real MMA athlete who is not brainwashed

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The WizARDS literally limped into the playoffs, starting this weekend. The good guys were without 4 of their 5 best players for a few of the final games and this upcoming series with the Cavs could get ugly, but I still have faith.
Here is the missing wizards rundown: 1) Agent 0 - hurt, 2) Caron ToughJuice - hurt, 3) Jamison - only healthy star 4) Haywood - benched for attitude, 5) AD - hurt. Is it really possible to stay healthy all season and lose all your stars in the last month. As Buckhantz would scream... No! Not Possible! (Amazing YTMND link via Arvinomics, an untribute to the J-less Jarvis Hayes)
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You wanna know how boring baseball is. In this video the announcers spend over three minutes breaking down a fan’s throwing of a pizza slice. High-larry-ish, and it beats any real baseball commentary, thats for sure. I could watch pizza throwing breakdown for hours more than baseball commentary, check the direction of the pizza - back and to the left, back and to the left.
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I bet this is not the reaction that this kid wanted when he told him mom that he was an atheist. As punishment, maybe she will force him to eat some shrimp scampi on the way to hell, because as we all know – God strongly dislikes, no sorry, God HATES shrimp.
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Don’t feel like checking your inbox for the latest goofy videos that people send? This single video collects a ton of them in one place

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If your desk has a grommet hole, you gotta get these grommet accessories discovered by the SCGiant. I just doubled my lifetime use of the word "grommet".
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It is finally supposed to stop raining and warm up this weekend. About damn time. I actually think the old Donkies(eys) softball team could blow these guys out, although we never got a full keg out onto the field. Maybe Ill watch the video for this outstanding song about 6 times on Friday and try to make it come true, outdoor sports are a must this weekend, either that or convince Agent Steinz to lead a pack of Wiz fans to Cleveland to trounce LeTravel James, only 6 hours to the home of the Dawg Pound.

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30 years of the Song of the Year - with video

2007-04-15T20:05:00.000-07:00

Behold, the best song of every year from 1963 to 1993, with every damn video. This list is totally subjective, but totally accurate, although it changes every day. Let me know where you think I’m right or wrong, even though I'm never wrong.

1963 - Blowin’ in the Wind - Bob Dylan - The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan
1964 - Don’t Worry Baby - Beach Boys - Shut Down Volume 2
1965 - A Change is Gonna Come - Same Cooke - Aint That Good News
1966 - Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again - Bob Dylan - Blonde on Blonde
1967 - A Day in the Life - Beatles - Sargent Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band
1968 - Sympathy for the Devil- The Rolling Stones - Beggars Banquet
1969 - What Is and What Should Never Be -Led Zepplin - Led Zepplin
1970 - Northern Sky - Nick Drake - Bryter Layter
1971 - Imagine - John Lennon - Plastic Ono Band or What’s Happening Brother/What's Goin On - Marvin Gaye - What’s Goin on
1972 - Heart of Gold - Neil Young - Harvest
1973 - Midnight Train to Georgia - Gladys Knight & the Pips - Imagination
1974 - No Woman No Cry - Bob Marley - Natty Dread
1975 - Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run
1976 - Hurricane - Bob Dylan - Desire
1977 - Dreams - Fleetwood mac - rumors
1978 - So Lonely - The Police - Outlandos d'Amour
1979 - Refugee - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Damn the Torpedoes
1980 - You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC - Back in Black
1981 - Waiting on a Friend - Rolling Stones - Tatoo You
1982 - Man Out of Time - Elvis Costello - Imperial Bedroom
1983 - Blister in the Sun - Violent Femmes - Violent Femmes
1984 - You Might Think - Cars - Heartbreak City
1985 - I Want The One I Can’t Have - The Smiths - Meat is Murder
1986 - Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes - Paul Simon - Graceland
1987 - Caribou - Pixies - Come on Pilgrim
1988 - Straight Outta Compton - N.W.A - Straight Outta Compton
1989 - Lovesong - The Cure - Disintegration
1990 - Been Caught Stealing - Janes Addiction - Ritual de lo Habitual
1991 - Come as You Are- Nirvana - Nevermind
1992 - Nuttin’ But a G Thang - Dr. Dre - The Chronic
1993 - Creep - Radiohead - Pablo Honey

You ain't, principally cause you not.

2007-04-08T19:48:00.000-07:00

As of my last post, the Wizards were slightly sputtering but still had high hopes for the playoffs and were holding on the #3 spot in the entire Eastern Conference. In case you live under a rock, or in Australia, you might not have known that the Curse of Les Boulez has sadly struck again and the Wizards have since lost both of their all stars- Tough Juice-Caron Butler, and the Internet’s Fave - Agent Zero. I have gotten over the intial depression of losing the half of the team within one week, and now I can remember what its like to be a real Bullets fan again

As you can I have not lost the faith and come playoff time you will be able to cath me at thePhone (Cal) Booth supporting Cal Booth, as the Wiz take down the Raptors (hopefully not the Heat) and wearing my own version of Wizznutz’ 98 bench shirt
Antonio & Deshawn & Jarvis & Antawn & Etan. I still believe.
As always for continuing coverage of the Wizards collapse, see the DC Sports Bog
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I'm hot 'cause I'm fly/You ain't 'cause you not." Brutal and unassailable in its simplicity. Consider the reasoning, first, of just "I'm hot 'cause I'm fly": Mims is hot because he's fly. But it raises the question: Does being hot guarantee one's being fly? "You ain't 'cause you not" would seem to clear that up: ........

Truer words never spoken...from this article in the Village Voice
The article provides extensive graphic illustration of how one can be classified as alternatively either a) Fly/Hot or b) Not.
Including a flow chart..

and several Venn diagrams

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Rockstar Joe found this surefire way to never lose your beer again at a party. The beer pager.
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If you are somehow still a loyal Republican you may want to skip the rest of this week’s installment of the redonkulous links. But if you can stomach it, I guarantee you will be entertained...there is even an appearance by Snoop Dog on TV in Holland...check it
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I know it is almost too easy to bash Bill O’Reilly. Sure it is kinda like mocking mentally challenged person for their SAT score, but he gives the hatas so much damn good material and in these next two stunning videos from the last week make it much easier to post Snoop Dog's critique in good conscience.

In THE FIRST VIDEO, Bill O’Reilly goes totally apeshit and gets into an insane screaming match, at one point I wondered if he was gonna go all UFC style and bust out the mixed martial arts ...incredibly the voice of reason in this battle is none other than former jackass Geraldo Rivera, who actually calls Bill on his BS and exposes him as a racist, protectionist, nonsensical lunatic, spouting on about law enforcement when really only looking for a way to bash brown people, This episode even provoked Olbermann to reward Rivera the actual Best person in the world last week.

In the next video, Bill-O doesnt go nearly as crazy, but still exposes himself as just as much of a non-reasoning bully, as he shouts down and cuts the mic of a retired Army Colonel who is actually speaking the truth to Bill. When Colonel Wright tries to explain to Bill that he needs to be careful in chastising the Iranians for "unprovoked acts of aggression", to be careful in not “ratcheting up” the rhetoric, and to act like a rational person instead of an insane lunatic warmonger. Bill-O goes on another childish rant and accuses her of "blaming America first," good one. I don’t think it is any coincidence that Britain listened to Colonel Wright in dealing with Iran, and as a result they were able to successfully negotiate the release of the hostages last week WITHOUT bombing innocent people all over the world and without looking like unhinged O'reillys.

After both of those instances, I think the most appropriate response to O’Reilly was given by Snoop Doggy Dogg on Dutch television (even though the Dutch host somehow has a much better grasp of the English language than either Bill-O or my boy Snoop)

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Meanwhile the MC Karl Rove rapping video was all over the internets and the youtubes this week. I think John Stewart, channeling the Beastie Boys in a dead-on impersonation of old school Mike D, provides the best response. He may be a “fly MC” but he is still .....still Jeffrey Dahmer

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Stewart is hot because he’s fly, Rove ain’t because he’s not. Simple logic, totally irrefutable. Again refer back to the Village Voice to see it broken down graphically
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Anyway, maybe this post bashed Republicans a little too much (haha yeah right) but better be careful because Dick Cheney is often lurking in the bushes. No really ...he lurks...seriously...this is an actual video from a speech last week.
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Who will be the FIRST to comment.
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My empire of Dirt.

2007-03-30T06:48:00.000-07:00

Johnny Cash’s cover of Nine Inch Nail’s “Hurt” is an amazing song and video. I have played it about 100 times and it just gets better. I even jumped on GooTube and watched it again after finally seeing Walk the Line last month.

Well it turns out there is a much better and even darker version of that song and video by KTF, man his life was fucked up:

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Speaking of cartoon characters doing blow off of a bar (HOW IS THAT FOR A SEGWAY/SEGUE) I cant get enough of the PacMan Jones story from All Star weekend in Vegas, in which PacMan “allegedly” made it rain, beat up some strippers, choked a bitch, and shot a bouncer. Well now we have video, but remember this is only a re-enactment and not the actual footage

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Why cant more athletes just be more like Gil and spend their nights on the road penning thousand-word manifestos on their blogs instead of doing coke off strippers. Although, now that I think about it, they are equally entertaining. Catch Gilbert’s latest here. Like I said a couple weeks ago, Gil is strange because he is a normal blogger. Pretty damn strange.
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Speaking of bloggers. Behold the hotness that is...Blog Show.
As Agent Steinz is one of the few major media outlets to give the Redonkulous Links some love (thanks also Deadspin), I am pretty much expecting the RDL to appear as a screen shot at some point in the show’s future, unfortunately only a small percentage of these links are sports, and my posts are way to schizophrenic to stay with one topic, so I'm not holding my breath. Anyway that Jamie guy is actually really good and Steinz is also...entertaining. Seriously, if you ever want to kill 30 minutes by watching a tivo'd show about the internets that airs at the end of an hour-and-a-half show on mid-Atlantic regional television, this show is the single greatest way to do just that. How is that for an endorsement Steinz?
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Stop bitching and start a revolution...at least that is what the T-shirt says

The Che shirt may be the funniest sketch performer with that exact voice since Adam Sandler's goat.
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Last week ended in one wacky weekend. The weekend started early, at about 4:30 p.m. on Friday, as I prepared for our client outreach program. When you represent bars and restaurants, client outreach is not quite the same as sales calls by the Dunder Mifflin crew. A few hours, about 10 vodka/tonics, some sushi, an irish car bomb (geez), a couple shots, and some fajitas later, I was prepared for a two day hangover. But I still had the double birthday celebration to run the next night. Spoony D captured the party in pictures. I started off relatively sober-looking, despite the hangover, I tagged everyone with my SR symbol for easy access to the bar, watched a few of these get passed around, and ended up by simply signing my name to a nice-sized bar bill. The payment in brain cells substituted for any cache payments for that weekend. Good times.
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I don't even like liver

2007-03-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

This is certainly closer to a link dump than a blog post, but look what Rex from Fimoculous says about link blogs in Wired Magazine:
“The link is its own genre: sparsely worded, underlined, a discrete distillation of a new world that lies on the other side of a click. Such a simple form, yet it connects two universes. By filtering and condensing, the link blog turns online chaos into a tidy little stack of clickable potential.”
So there. I’m not just cutting and pasting crap, I’m connecting Universes.
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I was March madder than hell when Maryland got screwed by the refs on Saturday night, but a few more vodka tonics at District Chophouse quickly erased that anger, and you have to give it to Butler, they played well and probably deserved to win.

There is no doubt, however, that MD got jobbed by the refs, and even the joe-lieberman-loving-fake-democrat-political- bloggers at the New Republic could see that (Pity the Turtle) -
Also the Terps lasted longer than Duke, so that is always win.
Don’t hate the player, hate their evil rat-like coach. Go here for a good dose of Coach K haterade.
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With Leather comes through again. This time finding a link to the greatest (beer pong) game ever played

From the FAQ on their website, the game was played over one night, using a keg and half in Ann Arbor Michigan
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Will someone else who watches 30 Rock, tell me if this is Tracy Morgan being Tracy Jordan or just Tracy Morgan being Tracy Morgan

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Is there a better way to totally waste 10 minutes than by listening to Weird Al’s - Trapped in the Drive Thru. The video is pretty weak, but the song is not.
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Yo Donkies(eys), its Dominic the Dahnkey
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Everyone knows the Star Wars Kid but I have never seen this other “Prisoner of You Tube” - Fat Mom Singing on Beach
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I finally got my hands on that Idiocracy DVD. I havent watched it yet but this design blog lets me know that it is worth watching just based upon the background stills.
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Forget iphone...here comes google phone . Gimme.
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Lance Mannion explains why glowing reviews from the right-wing-nutjob-land have soured me on any desire to see 300:

You would have to be incredibly paranoid, in addition to being afflicted with crippling self-pity and narcissism, to see the position of the United States today as analogous to that of the three hundred Spartans surrounded and about to be overwhelmed and annihilated by the the well-trained, well-equipped army of the most powerful empire in the world.

And you would have to be entirely deluded by a homoerotic hero-worship to think that Leonidas, an actual warrior-king who personally led his Spartans into battle and lay down his life along with theirs, and George Bush have anything in common.

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Those wheat donuts must be good.
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Who said that once you become a Republican candidate for President you must disavow any knowledge of science. It is amazing that this transcript of an interview with John McCain is real, and did not come from the Onion. The reporter gave McCain about four outs to try to let him recognize that condoms can help stop the spread of disease, but with the Christian right watching, McCain wont dare acknowledge science.

Q: “What about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should it be Bush’s policy, which is just abstinence?”
Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “Ahhh. I think I support the president’s policy.”
Q: “So no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?”
Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “You’ve stumped me.”
Q: “I mean, I think you’d probably agree it probably does help stop it?”
Mr. McCain: (Laughs) “Are we on the Straight Talk express? I’m not informed enough on it. Let me find out. You know, I’m sure I’ve taken a position on it on the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian, would you find out what my position is on contraception – I’m sure I’m opposed to government spending on it, I’m sure I support the president’s policies on it.”
Q: “But you would agree that condoms do stop the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Would you say: ‘No, we’re not going to distribute them,’ knowing that?”
Mr. McCain: (Twelve-second pause) “Get me Coburn’s thing, ask Weaver to get me Coburn’s paper that he just gave me in the last couple of days. I’ve never gotten into these issues before.”
This went on for a few more moments until a reporter from the Chicago Tribune broke in and asked Mr. McCain about the weight of a pig that he saw at the Iowa State Fair last year.

Are you fucking kidding me? You have to check with your political stance before you can go out on a limb regarding whether condoms help prevent AIDS. Straight talk express my ass. Goes right in line with this weeks news about Republicen Congressmen having to deny science on global warming before getting on a committee. Sickening.
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But at least we have Fitzmas, Abramoffakuh, and now New Years Roving Eve.
I was on the Fitzmas train on this blog since ‘95, and it was a success in nailing Cheney’s Cheney, Scooter Libby. Then Abramoffakuh spread Republican corruption around so nicely that they lost control of Congress.
Now this US Attorneys General scandal may be the New Years Roving Eve that finally brings down KKarl, and almost certainly will nail AG “torture memo” Gone-zalez.
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Even a caveman could beat Duke?

2007-03-15T19:26:00.000-07:00

March Madness is finally back. Today, the sweetest day of the year to take a three hour lunch, was a rousing success. The Maryland win made my three hour lunch all the sweeter, and tonight has ended spectactulary.

I am one day late to the game by embedding everybody’s favorite Duke hate video one day after it was passed all over the internets, but I was on this Rosenberg game for weeks so I can post the damn thing one more time. I first introduced Peter Rosenberg to you redonkulous-readers a few weeks ago with his “Throw Some Cheese on It” video, and now the Hip-Hop-Weird-Al is back again with this ode to Duke hating...Is this why Duke lost? Any chance Pete can come up with a "This is Why Butler Sucks" video

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One thing missing from this tournament on CBS are some new Caveman commercials. However, with Leather has found a ten minute long Caveman skit which bodes extremely well for the caveman sit-com. The Caveman is freaking golfing with Phill Sims:

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If the casting director for the Caveman is reading right now, I’ve got the perfect girlfriend for the caveman... Antonelli Barb, um Antonell Barba, Antonella um you get it by now, people cannot spell her name but that hasnt stopped them from searching, at least according to Yahoo Buzz Meter.
Anyway, she would be great in the role and there is even a perfect tagline for Ms. Barba:
SO EASY EVEN A CAVEMAN COULD DO HER
OK, maybe the line nt that great, but tell me she wouldnt be great in the role.

You see right now Antonella is fielding some lesser offers like Playboy, Girls Gone Wild, and soft-core skinemax-style porn, among others. When asked about Playboy Barba answered. "I'm definitely not opposed to [thinking about] other offers, whether it's acting or modeling or something."
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To fill time until the Caveman & Idolslut Show, here are loads of deleted scenes from The Office
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Courtesy of Czabe.com I will now leave you with Duke’s home Court - Cameron...um...Dixon Indoor Stadium

Atonella Barra Barba (with dunks)

2007-03-08T08:32:00.000-08:00

The Linker is gettin some love in the traditional media, thanks to awe inspiring The Washington Post Sports Bog Blog.

Apparently Dan and Mrs. Bog had a child last week, so Steinz is on a break, and the Bog is being run by guest NCAA bloggers during march madness. Therefore, the Bog is mostly nuts-and-bolts march madness news for the next month or so. But make sure you check back to the Bog once Steinz returns from paternity leave for some of the best sports blogging evah.
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Also, The Post Sports Bog Blog may be the best name for a blog since Bob Loblaw and his brilliant Bob Loblaw Law Blog

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Meanwhile the Linker’s traffic only continues to remain at a redonkulous level thanks to Antonella “Anotella” Barba and the spelling-challenged parno seekers who are searching for her pictures. If you think I am exaggerating the number of seekers, I will have you know that Ms. Barba just passed Myspace as the number one search term in all of the internets.. “'American Idol' Contestant Antonella Barba Bumps MySpace as New Number One Search Term With Web Users”

I only knew that Idol was on again last night because the site meter starting going nutz like the internets. So since this is the reason that 99.9% of you, who I do not know, got here --

this is the best place I can find for the scandalous and racy pictures of Anteater Barbarella, or Antonella Barbra, or whatever her name is.
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So now that Barba fans and Agent Steinz fans are flocking here I thought maybe I could combine the two fan groups with a La Barra Barba fanclub, with the banner up above, hit me up Steinz.
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With all of that out of the way I give you the:
Ode to the Failed Slam Dunk (with video)

The slam dunk. More than just a maneuver employed by tall people during basketball games, it is also one of the most famous lines from the Bush administration’s bungling of the lead up to the Iraq War. As reported in Bob Woodward’s book, when President Bush asked then-CIA Director George Tenet about the prospect of WMD’s in Iraq, he replied that it was a “slam dunk.” News came last month that in his memoirs, George Tenet is now defending his “slam dunk” comment by asserting that what he really meant was that it would be a “slam dunk” to convince the American people that there were WMD in Iraq. Riiight.

Anyway, I always wondered why Tenet didn’t just defend himself by saying, “I told him it was a slam dunk, not a sure thing, even NBA players miss a certain percentage of slam dunks.” So a slam dunk doesnt mean they had weapons, everyone got my comment wrong. Better excuse than sayin it was a slam dunk that we could convince them...right?

Its true, slam dunks do NOT always work and here is some pretty compelling defense material for Mr. Tenet (with thanks to Deadpsin, Videosift, and WithLeather, among others)

Many slam dunks are difficult to pull off, especially if you are white, and try to hurdle a cheerleader.

Even if your name is "Bird Man" it is difficult to pull off a showstopper, even after 20 or so comedic attempts

sometimes the slam dunker need to get some help from his friends

See George, even with help from a chair, a slam dunk clearly not a sure thing.

But even run of the mill slam dunks, by real athletes, are often flubbed...if you offend the dunk gods. Tyrus Thomas said he was only entering the NBA the dunk contest for money, and looked what happened that same week

If Bush really wanted a CIA director who knows about the “slam dunk” he should have hired this kid. He's got skillz.

Welcome to Costco, I love you

2007-03-04T15:26:00.000-08:00

Thanks again to Videosift, I just stumbled accross the latest movie that I MUST see. Mike Judge’s Idiocracy. This movie apparently pissed of the studio so much (Fox) that it was pulled from theaters shortly after release and made approximately $35.

The plot, as best I can tell, involves an average man and woman being frozen in a government experiment in the present, and mistakenly left frozen for .about 500 years - until 2505. During those five generations, stupid people have continued to breed like crazy, while intelligent people have decided not to continue breeding nearly as a much. As a result we are left with an incredibly stupid population, run almost entirely by commercial interests, and our language has devolved into a mixture of hillbilly and inner-city slang.

Just take a look at Fox News of 2505 (the dude sounds EXACTLY like Shephard Smith by the way)

Also, my law school diploma would mean nothing when others have graduated from the prestigous school of law at Costco. which is the size of a small city..Costco rocks. I think the next couple entries in this post may demonstrate why this future is possible.
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The President in that future will likely be today’s, and everyday’s, worst person in the world....Ann Coulter.
Three days ago Coulter took the stage at the Conservative gathering CPAC, and called Democratic Presidential contender John Edwards a faggot. This is actually a top political conservative conference (this week not in some dystopian future), in which a bestselling conservative author and pundit: introduced a Presidential candidate, got a standing ovation, and called the oopposing party’s candidate a faggot

If you watched the “joke” she didnt directly call him a faggot, said she cant talk about him, because she cant say “faggot,” which apparently is some kind of Republican joke. I only know this is supposed to be some joke because the “conservatives” in attendance cheered and laughed...loudly. Go GOP go.
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A couple posts ago, I brought you the Caveman’s Crib, featuring the only commercial I currently enjoy, the Geico Caveman. Now the hype has built and the Caveman is going to get his own sitcom on ABC. (I don’t know if they will be able to pull it off, but it cant be worse than “According to Jim.”) Also in the works, I hear that the Aflac Duck and the Geico Gecko are getting a three-person Crossfire-type political show on CNN with Tucker Carlson. Woot.
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SPORTS
Glbert Arenas continues to show why he should be everyone’s favorite NBA player, regardless of his recent play. His latest blog entry is chock full of reasons why blog readers and geeks must hold him in the highest regard, and even includes reference to Redonkulous favorite Chuck Klosterman. For some reason Gilbert even seemed excited that Klosterman calls him a rockstar. NBA players are not supposed to give a shit about Chuck Klosterman.

Klosterman then penned a great story on Gilbert for the new New York Times Sports Magazine, and started a debate with the great Post Sports Bog on whether Arenas is weird or not. The debate was furthered by this True hoop Klosterman interview on Gilbert

I think the basic consensus is that Gilbert is extremely weird for a NBA superstar, but only because he is not a boring and one-dimensional product placement marketing scheme, which most NBA superstars are. Its ok to be a quirky blogger and still be considered “normal,” but if you retain that quirky bloggerness as an NBA superstar, then you are instantly weird. NBA superstars are supposed to be MJ, King James, and Tiger Woods style pitchmen and not have emotions or personalities, otherwise they would be weird.
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Agent Zero and the Wizards have been missing Jamison and Butler, 2 of the “big 3", up until their last couple wins, so they have been in a mini-slump...... but the Terps have more than picked up the slack.

Yesterday the Terps completed the sweep of the entiere state of North Carolina (inluding two recent victories over Duke as the Dukchebags in the stands were left trying to heckle Greivis Vasquez in Spanish about Hugo Chavez – it didnt rattle him one bit)

Meanwhile Mease is loving this recent Maryland turnaround
and has directed me to the GARY WILLIAMS SONG webpage on "You’re the man now dog" as a tribute to Garyland. HIT it, YTMND gary song.
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In fake gangsta news from BWE, Scott Storch goes after Timbaland with the worst diss video since Jin dissed rosie o’donnell . Way to keep it gangsta Jin, I myself will hold back on any Rosie diss albums as long as she continues to make Elizabeth Hasslebeck cry
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Finally, I remarked a couple posts ago that almost 10,000 people had looked at this site thanks in large part to a .gif of a college basketball coach biting the head off of a child. Although in the past I have drafted long and though-out posts regarding politics, religion, the Washington Wizards, science, and documentaries, that shit gets absolutely no traffic - and I am totally fine with that.

But something else changed here and about another 600 people have clicked on this site since last weekend. Internet lurkers have now flocked here in search of incorrectly spelled parno material. The phenomenon I speak of, is the Antonella Barba story from last week.

It seems that my misspelling of Ms. Barba’s first name as “Anotella” instead of “Antonella” has caused this blog to be a hot destination for the spelling challenged parno seekers.

Well, I hope the link to the site for the racy pics, satisfied all of the horny lurkers for nude american idol contestants, and this week- as an experiment in readership - I will again link to another Antonella Barba site.

The other popular site to featuring nude and topless pictures of Antella Barba, um topless pictures of Anotella Barba, um topless pictures of Antonella Barbara, um topless pictures of Antonela Barba, um topless pictures of Atonnella Barba, um topless pictures of Antonella Barbar, um pictures of Anotela Barba.... the nude photos are right here.

Better grab an umbrella

2007-02-25T17:34:00.000-08:00

Despite the apparent fandom of American Idol’s Antonella (and her toe), the Terps hung on last night defeat the ACC’s top team, the UNC Tarheels. The win almost certainly cements the Terps entry into the NCAA tournament after a couple of years in the wilderness. Having some sloot from American Idol rock the jersey failed to help out the Heels.

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Before you criticize me for knowing about American Idol and Anotella, take a look at the pic above and, more importantly, all of the rest of the NotSafeFordaWork images that are popping up all over the interwebs. My girl watches Idol (for what seems like) four nights a week and this gummy girl is now sure to be a star (on that show or Skinamax). Her name is Anotella Barba, she lives here in DC and goes to Catholic University, but apparently she broke up with her boyfriend after making the Idol final rounds, and the boyfriend is out for revenge - by leaking some money NSFW pics.

Soon after she made the finals pics of Anotella topless on a beach began to surface, but thanks to the tireless reporting of IdontLikeYouInThatWay.com a new pic has leaked oonto that site every few hours since late Friday afternoon, just dont look at work.
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I now present you with one of the most high-larry-est IM exchanges in history. He Man is finally forced to lay-off Man-E-Faces and he eventually works up the courage to break it to him over the instant messenger. Good stuff.
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According to this news report PacMan "Fever" Jones really shouldn’t have made it rain.
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I just started watching the Showtime show “Weeds” online. Pretty good.
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Great fight last night (which I watched online today). This guy Gomi is the lightweight champion in Japan’s Pride Fight Championship, where they pack 70 thousand people into stadiums to watch MMA. Nick Diaz is some wacked out American who just likes kickin' ass and happens to be a jiu jitsu champion. After Diaz lost a few controversial decisions in the UFC, he decided he wanted to drop down to lightweight, and for some reason Pride FC gave him a fight with their lightweight champion -- probably in a misguided attempt to embarras the UFC. After getting pounded in the beginning of the first round, Diaz collects himself outpunches Gomi for a few minutes and then breaks out some sick move in the second round called a “google-plata” (or some shit like that) and chokes out Gomi. Check out the video here.
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Obama in '08. Sounds good to me.

"I want to eat his children"

2007-02-19T18:59:00.000-08:00

Welcome Deadspin readers. During last year’s March Madness, I posted a link to a gif that I found of Coach K biting the head off of a baby. The king of all sports blogs, Deadspin, has now linked to this gif twice, including once last week, accounting for approximately 99.9999% of my 10,000 total readers This site is really just a place where I post interesting and/or stupid links for my friends to read, and I never attempted to achieve any kind of mass readership, or sought links from other blogs. However, if I ever wanted a redonkulous link to be representatve of all redonkulous links, it is hard to top Coach K devouring a live child. Anyway, if you came from Deadspin last week, hang around and drop a comment sometime.
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I again ignored the sage advice of Chuck D, and believed the hype on Valentines day last week, by going to one of D.C. finest restaurants, Ten Penh, and overpaying for a pretty good meal.

Meanwhile, the Thighmaster (who is inexplicably included in the Sports Bog’s local Hoops Poll) disregarded said hype and spent the “holiday” at a much more palatable establishment, engaging in an extra-special reservations required romantic Valentines Meal at White Castle.
Too bad this deal does not exist in DC.
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This is one of the best collection of Craigslist entries ever. Almost every entry delivered a laugh.
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Will wanted me to link to this video his girl Ashley getting profiled by Alison Starling. Who wouldn’t want to get "profiled" by Alison Starling, if you know what I mean. And I’m pretty sure you know what I mean. I don’t mean interviewed, if thats what you thought I meant. Although an interview would be cool too. But I meant a different kind of profiled, if you know what I mean. Right?
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Has anyone seen the Norbit previews and not said “What the fuck happened to Eddie Murphy.” The on-going Norbit coverage over at Best Week Ever Blog is top notch.

I endorse the words of Alex Blagg

#1 MOVIE OF THE WEEK:
“The people have spoken, and thus it shall be so: in the future, Eddie Murphy will act in every role of every movie, utilizing the miracle of prosthetics to portray human beings of all different body shapes and sizes (especially hilariously obese - and usually angry - black women) to the delight of moviegoers far and wide. Simply put, we want - nay, demand! - more fat suits - $33.7 million
#2 MOVIE: “Despite having no stars and no significant marketing campaign, simply having the word “Hannibal” in the title of a movie seems to guarantee at least a #2 opening at the box office. Coming next summer: Fat Hannibal, starring Eddie Murphy - $13.4 million

more norbit goodness

And then there was this video from with leather, Martin Lawrence at a basketball game being mistakenly labled by the sideline reporter as the star of Norbit. Come on anonymous sideline reporter, everyone knows that the pride of Roosevelt high school was Big Momma I and II and not the actor skillfully portraying Norbit, geez.

The really funny thing is that this same thing happened at the acedemy awards. Eddie Murphy was being given a lifetime achievement award for Dr. Doolittle 3 and was mistaken as Lawrence by Dame Judy Dench. Dench could not stop raving about Big Momma’s House, even though that was Martin Lawrence and not Eddie. How embarrasing for the academy, the motion picture association, and all of us.
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Last week I was asked to stop saving up links and dumping all of the linky goodness in one mega post each week. Apparently this is too much bloggy goodness for some of you to handle, and thus you dont read to the end or drop a comment. Would you rather I go with the standard method of trying to throw up a mediocre post each and every day, or save up a bunch of substandard links into one semi-respectable megapost?

My quesiton to you the reader: A little bit every day, regardless of quality, or a nice respectable collection of crap once a week???? Please drop a comment and let me know your preferred method of blogging.

Cheese up in my 40 too

2007-02-10T08:38:00.000-08:00

I really don’t have anything against Mexicans or the “Mexican invasion.” Will hot dogs soon be replaced by tacos? Baseball replaced by Soccer? and jim beam replaced by tequila? .....I hope so, tacos are fucking delicious, baseball is more boring than C-span, and jim beam makes me want to puke. So generally I would welcome our new Mexican overlords, but the crap they are pulling on the international soccer stage is starting to piss me off. Great game the other night as Mexico again failed to score on USA soil (or semi-US soil as the game was in Phoenix), however after Landon Donovan put away the clincher in the closing minutes, the Mexican keeper tried some idiotic cleats-up slide to take out Eddie Johnson. Luckily just like on Donovan’s goal, the keeper missed miserably, otherwise I’d be goin to help build that border fence.

Check out the pathetic move at the end of these highlights:

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I hate commercials. Hate. I do everything in my, and my DVR’s, power to avoid them. I steadfastly refuse to watch live television, because instead I can watch a one hour show in 40 minutes by waiting 20 minutes and fast forwarding through the commercials. I have pop-up blockers on top of pop-up blockers. In fact, I don’t even think I laughed even once during the few Super Bowl commercials that I actually watched. I was lucky enough to watch the entire first half of Super Bowl on my own personal flat screen 7-inch television on a jet blue flight from Fort Lauderdale, and yet without DVR I still flipped channels instead of watching the commercials (Since everyone around me had the game on, it was incredibly easy to switch channels, see when the action returned, and then flip back to the game).

With all that being said, I actually do enjoy the Geico Caveman that runs 20 times a day on comast sportsnet.

I must admit that I chuckle each and every time he orders the Roast Duck with Mango Salsa. Best Week Ever has found a nice link to the Caveman’s crib and it is pretty hooked-up - take a look. If you look closely you can even find a recipe for the Roast Duck.
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Don and Mike come off as such humongous dicks, there is no doubt that they helped in having Peter Rosenberg banished from JFK ....all the way to to DJ’ing at the McDonalds in Adams Morgan.
Hardy har Don Geronimo, laugh it up fucker, Rosenberg has more talent in his ipod than your hack-ass has compiled in 60 years of radio. Don’t believe me? peep the new (sand)Which Boy video tearing up the you tubes

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So on Wednesday night with the Wizards game, the USA-Mexico tilt, and the return of Lost I had to keep myself in a little media bubble until Thursday night when I finished watching all three. Sure enough, Lost gave no new answers, but now this video from inside the writers meeting explains it all....oooohhh the smoke monster created the magic turtles
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Anyway, I’m (not happy to be) back from the Bahamas. We had a good time brown bagging beers at the Atlantis Hotel in the bahamas, riding scooters around Freeport even when our friends were watching, wearing scooter helments onto the beach, hanging with scuba steve,
watching people make out with stingrays over their heads, hanging on the big boat deck, showing off my skills at cutting a rug, watching the professional photographer coax the girls into holding each others’ arms, and just generally pimping it out on the boat. Great times (all photo credit goes to Spoony D the head paparazzi).

Gootube: A lazy blogger's best friend

2007-01-29T20:57:00.000-08:00

I haven’t much time to post lately, and I will be heading to the Bahamas on Wednesday, but I haven’t forgot about you...oh anonymous lurkers of the internets you... and I have done what any lazy blogger should be able to do, hastily throw together a video-heavy post of every gootube flash video and almost every other webside that I bookmarked in the last week (thank you VideoSift queue)

Without further Freddy Adu, I give you:
This amazing video, which shows how our troops are forced to drive in Baghdad just to avoid slowing down and thus getting blown up ...bring them home now

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also... Drunken German Midgets Ghostriding a Whip

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If this was real I’d jump through all the hoops and sign up immediately

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Until that GoogleTV is invented, I am forced to use web based video collections, but at least I keep finding more good ones.

First there was FindthatShow, then I found SimplisticLinks, and now it seems I have hit the motherload with this collection of websites that each collect movies and shows from all over the web. Wow.
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From finddashow, The Subcontinental Giant reccomended Red Vs. Blue, but I just didnt have the patience to load each individual three minute movie. Luckily they have been collected on GooTube into hour long seasons..niiice
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Atheist genius Richard Dawkins gave a speech in Lynchburg Virginia, home of Jerry Fallwell’s Liberty University, and the question and answer period after the speech was amazing, if you want to see religious questions dismissed deftly and homourously, check the (long) video
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Everyone knows there is plenty to mock Ted Kennedy for (he does appear to be the real life Mayor Quimby) but he is spot-on with his outrage in this video. The guy is absolutely right to be angry about Congress’s refusal to raise minium wage...
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GOT THE INTERNET(S) GOIN NUTS

2007-01-23T08:12:00.000-08:00

I am going to continue leading off with the Washington Bullets/Wizards until I am given a reason not to do so. Behind Agent Zero and Caron Butler, the Wizards continue to keep the internet goin’ nutz like Paul Wall. As of this moment they have sole possession of first place in the entire eastern conference, and are ranked as high as three in various power polls.

I was given great seats to last Wednesday’s buzzer beater against the Knicks, and Donkey McDonkerton got us skybox tix for tonight’s sure-to-be-blockbuster game against the streaking Phoenix Suns. This game truly has the net goin nuts as I have seen about 15 articles just this morning, Bill Simmons has already called the Suns the greatest thing since MJ’s Bulls, the Post's Sports Bog has promised a full day of coverage regarding this game. The buzz for this regular season, monday night, meaningless, pre-allstar break, regular season, game is beyond almost any basketball game in this town since Maryland's last National Championship run.
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In what Stephen Colbert referred to as the greatest crossover since the Fintstones met the Jetsons, Colbert and Bill O’Reilly appeared on each others shows last week, and it was just weird. It was difficult to tell if O’Reilly even actually realized that Colbert’s whole shtick was to simply mock him It was almost as if Bill-O thought that they were a couple of comedians riffing with each other and not one guy laughing AT the other.

“SC (with a smirk): Its the New York Times Bill! They are haters.
B.O. (deadly serious): “They are. They are scum.”

Here is Colbert on Bill-O, Bill-O on Colbert, and a long interview with Colbert at the Harvard institute of politics, in which he presents them with a framed picture of Bill-O.
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This guy was just signed by the UFC and is fighting on Spike TV this week, it may be an exciting fight, but not if someone tries to kiss him before the bell....then its over.

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Here is a lengthy video of Ricky Gervais interviewing Larry David, including some highlarious clips from Curb . Comedic geniuses they are.
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I have heard rumblings about a local documentary on drug kingpin Rayful Edmonds, and have finally found it online. The re-enacted portions are horrible, part 2 or 8 is missing, a lot of the dialogue is cheesy, and the doc tries way too hard to make Rayful look like a hero, but despite all of that it is pretty entertaining for any resident of DC, at least to hear the stories of Rayful dating moses malone’s girl, closing down Georgetown stores, and hanging at Houston’s in Georgetown. I have yet to watch the whole thing, but if you want to here is your link.
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For years we were hearing about all the scary things that those wacky libruls would do if they took over Congress, and I called bullshit from the beginning. Months ago Democrats announced what they would actually do if they actually won IN THEIR FIRST 100 LEGISLATIVE HOURS, and it was the biggest chunk of sensible legislation that I had ever seen - (1) Expanding stem cell research (thus promoting science over extremist religion); (2) Enacting the recommendations of the 911 Commission (I have no freaking clue why the Republicans could never manage to do this); (3) Increasing the minimum wage (the republican congress could only give themselves continuous raises and not the average working Americans they actually worked for); (4) Negotiating for lower prescription drug prices (instead of merely giving subsidies to the big pharmaceutical companies, at least this is a step in the right direction); (5) Cutting interest rates on Student Loans (I am personally grateful for this one); and (5) Ending subsidies for big oil and investing in renewable energy (these, again, are no-brainers).

Well if you look over at the checklist on Stenny Hoyer’s website you can see that the Democrats were successful in passing all five of these measures, but not in 100 hours...soner. The clock is now at 40 hours and all 5 items are marked off the checklist, by my math that is actually less than half the time predicted to pass everything. Wow, politicians who actually go above and beyond their promises- isnt that a change.

TAKEOVER, THE BREAK’S OVER

2007-01-15T16:39:00.000-08:00

If findthatshow.com was not great enough, Fimoculous has uncovered Simplistic Links, a website that does findthatshow one better by also including FULL LENGTH MOVIES.
Although most of the movies are of the youtube variation and thus broken down into 10 minute segments, it is still full of great stuff. As an example, Here is the entire Borat movie which I have yet to watch.
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Some of the other Donkies(eys) and I have a yearly tradition of cutting out of work at 1:00 on MLK day to catch the Zards matinee game...but never before has it quite paid off like this... the “Takeover Season” continued today for Agent Zero as another Daggger was dropped. Gil Zero did it again droppin over 50 points on the formidable Utah Jazz and more importantly draining another deep three pointer at the buzzer to give the Wiz yet another win.

In the mid 90's HTS style - “Agent Zero - you da man you da man”

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At the last UFC pay-per-view, Chuck Lidell surprised few by KnockingTFO of Tito Ortiz and retaining the light-heavyweight belt, but the big news to me was the signing of the second best heavyweight in the world, Pride’s Mirko Cro Cop – a beast straight out of streetfighter...check it out below:

MIRKO CRO COP IN STREET FIGHTER
Uploaded by shoguntheboss

From one of the best fighters , here is Deadspin’s choice for the worst sports fight ever, and I cannot disagree.
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Tons of good NFL games this weekend, but the highlight for everyone I watched the game with was the featuring of the "Fuck Da Eagles" girl on national TV...who didnt rewind their tivo for that, fuck da eagles indeed.
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Since the last Iraq-centric post, Bush has announced his long awaited decision to “surge” more troops into Iraq. This is not just opposed by Democrats but by almost all reasonable people.

I watched another AMAZING Iraq documentary this weekend, Operation Dreamland, in which they followed about 10 of our troops during their time in Fallujah. While I havent been able to find the whole thing online yet, I did find this scene in which we get a glimpse as to how the soldiers are berated once they make it known to their superior officers that they do not plan to re-enlist.... "you’re gonna be sittin on the street homeless in a cardboard box". Riiiight.

The only argument left for the surge is that if we pull out of Iraq all kinds of horrible things could happen in the neighborhood including a region-wide Sunni vs. Shia war possibly involving Iran, Syria, and even Turkey. While this superficially sounds like a reasonable justification to support the President’s plan, the problem is that while this escalation throughout the region may occur if we leave, Bush’s plan to put in 25,000 more troops will not prevent it from occurring. Meanwhle, and more of our people will keep dying while we delay the innevitable. In fact, this “surge” only puts our troop level back to the same point it was a few years ago and will not reverse our fortunes in Iraq. The best that this surge can do is delay any potential disastrous consequences for a few months or years, while we continue to lose more and more American lives while we wait, and that is unacceptable.

The swag is truly phenomenal

2007-01-04T10:15:00.000-08:00

SPORTS SECTION (and entertainment)
I know this blog is starting to sound like a broken record of man-fandom (nh) but Agent Zero did it AGAIN last night. I know I blogged about Arenas when he used Lebron, when he dropped 60 Kobe, and when he lit up Nash and Phoenix for 50 more, but he found another way to amaze last night. With no time on the clock and the game tied, Gil casually pulled up on another 30 footer, drilling the shot, turning his back to “get his swag on” before the ball even went through the rim, and avenging the Wizards only recent loss to the bucks....phenomenal is right

So this is ANOTHER 30-foot DAGGER from Zero our Hero. Like Gil said he is “8 for 8" on those shots this year, and he doesnt know why we are surprised anymore. Arenas is now the most exciting player I can ever remember in this town - hands down.

Anyone, have an Arenas Express Card, I need a hookup to his birthday bash tomororw, which has its own WEBSITE Arenas Express Dot Com.

Finally the national media is starting to take notice of Gil and the Wiz as they are now the #1 team in the East according to the ESPN power rankings, and still in 1st place in the division
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LIFE SECTION
I have been calling bullshit on bottled water for years. I’m down with the convenience of the plastic bottles, but you cant convince me that the stuff actually tastes better and therefore needs to be bought from Pepsi and Coke. Instead just buy one bottle of water and refill that bitch with tap water. Anyways, Lewis Black says it all much better than I could

A couple years ago, Penn and Teller actually did the work in calling people on this bullshit, as they filled expensive glasses with hose water, and passed it off as delicious pure spring water. Catch it here.
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Politics/Entertainment (all rolled into one)

Here are some more full-length documentaries that you can watch online

Jesus Camp
What: Documentary on a youth pastor who trains a flock of young christian warriors as they prepare to become good evangelical Christian soldiers. No narrator or side commentary needed, this is some scary stuff. Actually a great comedy, horror movie, and drama rolled into one
Highlight: Hard to pick a highlight when there are sooo many bat-shit-crazy-scenes that your held may start spinning. A few of the best were:
- The Kids literally being told that Harry Potter should be put to death under Biblical law “Had it been in the old testament, Harry Potter would have been put to death...you don’t make heroes out of warlocks”
- Praying to G.W.Bush, yes praying...to ....President ....Bush -
- Ted Haggard making another guest appearance to bash gays (yes the same Haggard that was caught buying crystal meth from his gay prostitute

The BBC’s Weird Weekends with Louis Theroux Documentary -
Black Supremacists
What: Some crazy British MoFo comes to New York and decides to meet with black-power leaders on the week after Diallo was murdered by a bunch of NYC cops
Highlight: Going into the inner sanctum of Black Israelites. Its like some wacked out Wu Tang shaolin fantasy gone terribly wrong and played out in real life.

Baghdad ER
What: I actually saw this doc. on HBO. It simply focuses on one emergency room in Bagdhad as the injured come rolling in and out.
Highlights: There are no fucking highlights. This is just awful heartbreaking stuff.
Whit the news that Bush may be pushing for an additional surge, these types of documentaries must be watched by everyone. When the General’s don’t want a surge, the public doesnt want a surge, the troops don’t want a surge, and the Iraq study group called for a withdrawal, why would we want more and more of this Baghdad ER footage.

Once again, Olberman spits hot fire about this so-called “surge”

Why We Fight
What: Brilliant documentary exploring our military industrial complex and how it fuels our views on when, why, and how we fight wars. Maybe this explains the surge.
Current TV
When nothing good is recorded on my DVR (which is rare) I find myself watching Current TV more than anything else. The channel is basically a bunch of 5 to 10 minute documentaries, and a few other pods that rotate on a random playlist. It sounds pretty bad, but for my short attention span self it is great stuff.

In the past week or so I have watched pods on the World Series of Beer Pong, China, a Crab Shack in Baltimore, Saddam, a cartoon invloving Kim Jong Il and Jackass, a Somalian gun bazaar, and Dubai (by the way, Dubai is fucking nuts)

Internet? LAN? dialup? carrier pigeon? Squirrels?

2006-12-26T11:32:00.000-08:00

High-larious story time. A couple months ago, the communications director for a Republican Congressman attempted to contact two blogger/computer experts and hire them to hack into the TCU computers and change his old college grades on the system.

Upon receiving the email request from this clown, the guys at attrition.org decided it was the perfect opportunity to mess with him, lead him along, and post all of the communications online. The “hackers” had no intention of actually following through with the hacking, but that didnt stop them from messing with the guy for weeks and PUTTING ALL OF THE EMAIL COMMUNICATIONS ON THEIR BLOG.

You must read all of the emails to get the full comic effect, but you know it will be good when in the first few communicaitons, the “hackers” tell him that phone communicaiton is bad, and emphasize the need for certain wireless networks and carrier pigeons or squirrels. By the end of the emails, the guy was stalking squirrels around Capitol Hill, taking their pictures, and sending them to the "hackers," just to show that he was serious about the endeavor.

The whole thing was picked up by technology news sites, political blogs, and various other news outlets. Some of the comments on this technology site are comic gold -- "Everyone knows that squirrels and pigeons have a protection from FBI spell cast on them, and cannot be photographed or photoshopped by FBI agents or those in collusion with them."

And yes squirrel-boy was fired last week.
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In the greatest piece of writing that our law firm has ever produced, my legal assitant had an editorial published in the Washington Examiner last week that was signed by “Hugh Jazzole”. Sound it out . . .Hugh Jazzole. Here is the letter.
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Hipster hotbed, Wonderland -- pretty safe
Explain why its fun to live in hipster neighborhoods again?
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Patton Oswalt correctly identifies Bush and Cheney as the Duke Brothers
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What a week for Agent Zero. The play of Arenas and the Wizards has allowed me to totally forget about the NFL (are the Redskins still playing?). Arenas started the week by dropping 60 POINTS on Kobe and the Lakers in an overtime win, and finished it up by dropping over 50 on the MVP in Phoenix in another overtime win. Now that is some exciting basketball, and the wizards are up to Number 7 in the ESPN poll. After the Lakers game, Kobe tried to downplay G.A.’s performance, but Agent Zero outclassed him once again on his blog

For the best player in the league to downplay what I did … I guess, I don’t know. I give him all the respect in the world. He is the No. 1 player in the league, by far. It’s like that. You don’t need to try to shadow box my 60. It was one of them nights when I was clicking and everything was going in so, I ended up having 60. That’s all there is to it.

And the best line of the post

Out of that whole game I probably took two bad shots. And, for me not to have a conscience? You’re right. When you’re an assassin, you don’t have a conscience. At the end of the day I thought he didn’t have a conscience, but I guess he does.

HIBACHI!
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Every year, Rex of the Fimoculous blog compiles a gigantic list of all of the various year-end best-of lists out on the interwebs. I have poured through this year’s version and what follows is my temporary list of the year’s top eight lists from fimoculous’ list of lists. I like lists - they make for easy writing.

1. Gawker: List Blog-Media Cliches
This is a list of the most over-used cliches in blogging this year. I use all of these in my lazy writing, so I will now try to use them at once in commenting on this list. OMG. Best list ever. Thought it was gonna be a bad list, but not so much. Oy, I use all of these lazy cliches, yo. Seriously, I use every one of them. What’s next, a list of every phrase I use when speaking too. Seeing how close this resembled my own writing made my spleen bleed. Ok, I think I just threw up in my mouth thinking of bleeding spleens. This listy goodness of a list-gasm is the new black. Ok now I am finally... wait for it... done. Um, that was stupid.

2. Best Videos.
This was clearly the year of You Tube. Many on the highlarious videos on this list were obviously featured here (not first) throughout the last year, including: The Leprechaun (my number 1), Little Superstar (my no. 2), One Bank, Lady Punch, White & Nerdy, Big Tetris, to catch THE Predator.

3. Webster Dictionary’s Word of the Year
I would have probably put Macaca at number one, but truthiness and google are a pretty damn good 1-2 punch.

4. Top 50 Lost Loose Ends.
Lost is great, for a while it was easily the best show on TV, but when are they gonna start telling us what the hell is going on. Remember us, the viewers.

5. Poplicks: Best Quotes of 2006
It is actually an great list. All of my favorites are included, and a few new ones that I should have known. The quoted include Lil Wayne, Borat, Michael Scott, Johnny Drama, Bush, Jimmy Carter,
--"Occasionally. One of the things I've used on the Google is to pull up maps.” CNBC's Maria Bartiromo

6 Pitchfork: Top Tracks of 2006
Maybe not the best list, but lots of links indie rock songs to download.

7 The Late Greats: Top 2006 Songs of 2006
Just a cool idea for a list. I should have thought of it first.

8. Badger Herald: Top Five Comedians
All solid choices, all comedians I rocked out to this year or featured on Redonkulous, and no stinkin Dane Cook. --David Cross, Jim Gaffigan, Patton Oswalt, Demetri Martin, Zach Galifianakis. (Would have also liked to see Eugene Mirman and Todd Barry on the list- Word).
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Happy Holidays. Shabbat Shalom, motherfuckers.

Top Joints of 2006

2006-12-20T20:47:00.000-08:00

At the urging of SCG and RSJ, here are my top 10 albums of ‘06. I really haven’t listened to that much new music this year as I am still discovering the top joints of 05, and I tend to like a lot of boring-ass indie rock - but here goes nothing

Best albums of 2006

1. Ghostface Killah - Fishscale
(Shakey Dog MP3) (Random Peter Rosenberg interview with Ghost)
- Most plays in my Ipod this year, most consistent MC in the game, and a required entry on every party mix I made this year

2. Drvie By Truckers - A Blessing and a Curse
(making of the album -- the video - featuring many of the album’s great songs)
(rockin live)
(acoustic live)
- Rock, Southern-fried but pure rock

3. M. Ward - Post War
(“Chinese Transalation” - live)
(And again live on Letterman)
- Amazin Folk-rock, really unlike anyone else out there

4. Josh Rouse - Subtitulo
(video)
- Not his best work. Dangerously close to easy listening, but I still dig it.

5. Pernice Brothers - Live a Little
(Live)
No amazing standout tracks that will blow your mind, but absolutely no filler. Maybe the only album of the year that I could listen to, on repeat, multiple times - without ANY track skipping.

6. The Mountain Goats - Get Lonely
(video)
More stuff that is really different. For starters the voice is not for everyone -- as evidenced by the first comment on the you tube video I posted, and I quote:

“seriously...god damn this is the most annoying shit I have ever heard in my life. The lyrics are retarded and the guy looks like he needs his ass kicked. If this is what music is coming to, then god help us all”

How is that for an endoresement.

7. Regina Spektor- Begin to Hope
(video one)
(video two)
(live with just a piano)
-no clue how to really describe her, once again a quirky one, watch video two and you will immediately love it or hate it

8. Small Sins - Small Sins
(doin wacky shit onstage)
- New Canadian Indie Rock - token completely under-the-radar band - that nonsense above was the closest I could find to a video with good sound

9. Radney Foster - This World We Live In
- The list needed a token country-ish record

10. Sparky’s Flaw - One Small Step EP
(Myspace)
-Ok, so I may be a little biased on this one

Cut and get the F out

2006-12-15T11:15:00.000-08:00

Via Spoony D, Here is one of the greatest websites ever. I often talk about the future where internet will replace your TV and cable service, but Find That Show Dot Com has actually taken a very small step tin that direction by tracking down links to dozens and dozens of shows on sites like Daily Motion - all one free-click away.

If you havent already, everyone should check out It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. (More picks to come later).

How many work hours (weeks) could I kill watching the three hour premeire and then all three seasons of Battlestar Galactica.
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I tend to stay away from commercial rock radio in favor of my Ipod. But has commercial rock radio been supassed by....actual commercials.
Blue by the Fruit of The Loom Guys kicks ass. Actually as good as anything put out by Coldplay
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10 Part roast of BaBa Boooey.
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Has anyone alerted the collective nerds of the interwebs to the video of Lonleygirl’s cover shoot with Wired.
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Because it is unquestionably established that bitches can’t hang with the streets

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Continuing with my earlier project of finding badass Documentaries on the internets and watching them during downtime, I have a few more choice-finds for you:

OutFOXed
What: Amazing documentary about how Faux News twists and distorts the news into some kind entertainment-propaganda-front for the Bush administration.
Highlight: Bill O’reilly claiming that only once did he say “shut up,” followed by about 10 clips of him doing just that. http://www.sweetjesusihatebilloreilly.com Hah - an organization of hope.

The Root of Evil
What: Documentary by renowned atheist and author of The God Delusion. No mention of the spaghetti monster though.
Highlight: Dawkins meets with Megachurch Mega-Pastor Ted Haggard who has a “hotline to George Bush.” Haggard tells Dawkins that he is arrogant, that the bible is infallible, and preaches on how gays will be punished. You might recognize Haggard because a few months after this video, Haggard was caught buying crystal meth from his regular gay hooker. 100% True story.

Jeff Buckley BBC Documentary
What: Just what it sounds like, a documentary on one of the great singer-songwriter-guitarists of the '90s who couldve been one of the all-time greats if not taken from us too early
Highlight: Would have been this video if included.
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On to political news, as always -- stop reading if you dont care

For some reason we are still in Iraq. Almost all experts now agree that we are trying to police the Country during a civil war and that the Iraqi people themselves want us out. Yet we continue to be stuck in that nonsense, and despite the reccomendations of the ISG, Bush is probably going to send MORE troops. The only good argument for staying, has always been that a civil war will break out if we leave – too late for that. Well finally a Republican Senator has joined the many democrats calling for us to get out. Wow is this speech great - and amazing that it is finally coming from a Republican and not just democrats
Senator Gordon Smith: "I, for one, am at the end of my rope when it comes to supporting a policy that has our soldiers patrolling the same streets in the same way, being blown up by the same bombs day after day. That is absurd. It may even be criminal." .... "So let's cut and run, or cut and walk, or let us fight the war on terror more intelligently than we have, because we have fought this war in a very lamentable way."

Meanwhile the current republican congress has left our troops so underfunded that they are forced to write home and beg for SILLY STRING in order to detect trip wires in Iraq. How about giving our troops real tools to fight this war, or even better, getting them the hell out of that civil war.

Straighten my new mind's eye

2006-12-05T07:19:00.000-08:00

Does anybody know where I can get a flying spaghetti monster tree ornament for my side of the tree. This tree topper looks good,but Im not that crafty. Im also considering hanging some beakers, bunsen burners, or evolution type stuff.
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In my four years at JMU (and three years of weekends back there during law school), I thought we had every variation of beer pong down, but we NEVER got around to the father-son dunk contest. I don’t think literary giants at Gorilla Mask could have set up THIS CLIP any better:
“Reason number eight million why "Dad's Weekend" is the best time you'll have at college: Balding, shirtless old men executing table-crushing beer pong dunks.”
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If the Colbert Report can coin the term "truthiness,” why cant Redonkulous Links invent and popularize the term “donkiness.” According to Wikipedia, after its use by Colbert, “Truthiness was selected by the American Dialect Society as the 2005 Word of the Year, and by The New York Times as one of nine words that captured the spirit of 2005.”

“Donkiness” is the next big thing - pay attention New York Times.
This blog is ALREADY the number one hit on the Dutch Google for the term "donkiness," and the international phenomenon is ready to explode. We are #1 in the Netherleands - Cant you just imagine all the Ducth children returning to their windmills after playing some Total Football, kicking off their wooden shoes, and using “The Google” to research some donkiness....good stuff.
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Here are the first five episodes of the brilliant-but-cancelled sitcom Arrested Development

I always thought this show was good but felt like I was missing something or that I was somehow not “in” on some of the jokes. Well watching the first episode alone seems to have cleared up a lot of that.
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Via fimoculous, A random Mitch Hedberg quote generator...fun for hours
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Bst episode ever of Dateline NBC’s “to catch a predator”
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Here are my continuing efforts to have your internet replace your TV --- or at least give you something to do during "down time" at work.

Fimoculous (yes him again) linked this comparison of many of the embedable video players, that are located all around the interwebs. While the post examines the quality of these various players, I am just happy to learn that there are so many more Youtube clones that I can browse for sweet sweet content. Don’t you still remember when the best distraction on your computer was minesweeper.

Speaking of online video as distraction, I have now taken to playing full length documentaries on my work computer whenever I am doing work that is not super thought-intensive or whenever im stuck with busy work. I have found that Videosift is a great tool for finding these documentaries, and here are a few goodies I’ve foound

Making of Sgt. Pepper

Baghdad ER

Tons of Docs from comic genius, Bill Hicks

The unseen Beatles

The Road to Guantanamo
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I don’t know if Rock Star Joe and the Giant are doing their annual music lists, but I think that M. Ward is taking the lead right now as my album of the year, even though I have not personally met a single other person who listens to him.

Still the pawns in their game

2006-11-20T20:12:00.000-08:00

I'll start with a link to a screaming rant that I will call great music, you might laugh at this suggestion and cover your ears, but you’re wrong....I watched the first three hours of “No Direction Home” on DVD this weekend, and now im looking for this generation’s Dylan. Conor may be the closest we have right now, although as Fav pointed out, he does have a Robert Smith/emo/Myspace haircut, which I personally could do without.
"And each new act of war is tonight's entertainment."

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SPORTS
This next link is brought to you by a new top 5 rising RDL website and new top RDL sport.
Yes, mixed martial arts or MMA has quickly become a top five SPECTATOR sport for me (im not jumping in any cage and getting punched in the face for fun) surpassing such also-rans as baseball and hockey. In an amazing fight this weekend, Matt Hughes finally lost his welterweight belt to French Canadian Geroges St. Pierre. Thanks to Daily Motion we can watch the whole damn thing for free.

UFC 65 - Hughes vs Georges St. Pierre
Uploaded by rampage92

It was a outstanding and dominating performance by GSP as he kicked the crap out of the farmboy, Hughes, who is regarded by many as the best welterweight in the history of the UFC, if not the whole sport.
My recent fixation with MMA begain when I stumbled accross the first season of “The Ultimate Fighter” on Spike TV. Before this show I had no reason to ever tune into Spike TV but its UFC-related programming is strong, and I have since DVR'd all four seasons of the show - and I'm hooked. On the Ultimate Fighter young martial arts fighters compete for a UFC contract, and unlike the Contender, they show one full fight at the conclusion of each and every episode. Not to sound too much like a shill for the UFC, but it is a great show and got me hooked on the entire sport.
Also, according to the great Sports Bog, I am not the only one around here to start digging the MMA. Apparently whenever the Post has a freelance writer draft a blurb about the ultimate fighting championship it quickly becomes the one of the most viewed pages on the entire washingtonpost.com. Yes it is an extremely violent sport, and the same republicans who want to send people to violently die in Iraq will probably try to ban it as too violent, but ignore those clowns and tune in to MMA.
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In more traditional sports news, this blog got the third of its 4 wishes of 2 weeks ago (new senate, new house, new qb, new coach) as Boo-nell was replaced at QB this weekend by Jason Campbell. Although the Skins lost again, I can guarantee that not a single Skins fan missed Brunell. The future is Campbell.

Finally, this weekend, the Wizards avenged their seasonpopening loss and beat down the Cavs behind 45 points from Agent Zero. Gilbert would have had 50 if he wasnt pulled in garbage time and he made league-posterboy Lebron look foolish on multiple plays, especially this one. Once again from the Sports Bog I learn that Arenas has a diary/blog, how could you not read something written by Arenas.
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POLITICS
Here is some indisputable proof that Fox News is biased, and I mean super-duper-redonkulously-biased. An internal memo from an exec at Fox News instructed the on-air personalities that the Democratic victories of last week are not the end of the world, and how to fight back. This memo instructed the faux-newsers on how to spin the Democratic victory last week in the best possible way for their republican masters, and encouraged the faux-newspeople to hype up the threats to America and to keep inciting fear - as the best way to undercut the Democrats position.

This time, however, the memo was leaked to the Huffington Post, and once again Olberman was all over it on MSNBC. Yes he does a lot of Fox bashing, but they make it so damn easy. The

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GEEK NEWS

Here are two of my favorite things coming together, Youtube and a Klosterman article. Despite the great start, the article wasnt as great as it could have been. It starts off with the usual cultural observations that hit the nail on the head.
“YouTube is slightly less popular than oxygen, but it currently has a higher approval rating than wood" and "I'm still mystified as to what compels the average citizen to upload the opening credits of Head of the Class onto a Web site he doesnt own" but ends up spending the second half of the article examining, of all things, guitar virtuousos, and quickly gets less readable. Oh well its still Klosterman and should still be read.

Notice that MMA fight video above I embedded above was not from Youtube. While youtube still remains the king, based upon its sheer volume of videos, some competitors, such as Daily Motion and Veoh have arisen. Granted these alternatives are great mainly because they have not yet been found by the copyright lawyers or evil corporate attorneys, but hey you can still get a bunch of stuff that hasnt been available on You Tube for months.

As far as aggregating top videos from all of the video sites, I still stick to Videosift for my daily video fix. Quality vids are posted more frequently than on this blizzog - check em out.

In what Rex at Fimoculous calls the “verisimilitude of The Office” ...there is a video spreading all over the interwebs of a bank executive attempting to seriously cover U2 while pimping the bank one credit card...the most earnest song about a credit card ever. Anyone could picture Michael Scott or David Brent on the stage here, but this shit was for real. Then, for no apparent reason, the song was covered hipster comedic god David Cross
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MUSIC

I have had the Grey Album for over a year but my beloved Videosift introduced me to the Grey Video. Jay-Z and John Lennon - cant beat it.

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MOVIES

How far has Kevin Smith fallen. When I was a freshman in college, my suitemate worked at a video store and we got an advance copy of the black-and-white epic “Clerks.” The movie became an instant classic and I we probably watched it 800 times during my four years of college. Hell we might have watched in 36 times in the first week alone, 36!. I was a Smith devotee from that first night and damnit I even loved Mallrats. Recently, however, Smith has come upon some rough times as a director and even put out some horrible family comedy starring fucking Bennifer as parents to annoying ass cute kid. Anyway, it just seems that Smith has never progressed since the early promise of Clerks and this was finally exposed when Smith was forced to put out...wait for it...Clerks 2 (in what must have been more than a decade after the original). Like the characters in the sequel, it seems that Smith was just never able to move on. Randal and Dante have gone from working at the Quick Stop to working at a fast food restaurant, that is progress...and Smith hasnt done much better - ouch.

Anyway Smith has fallen so far in my eyes that I cam accross Clerks 2 on Daily Motion and still havent even convinced myself to watch parts 3 through 4 of the movie. Have I outgrown Smith’s humor or has he actually devolved. Luckly we have Daily Motion so you can be the judge yourself, and the price for the four part series is good - zippy dollars.
ONE
TWO
THREE
FOUR
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!

2006-11-07T22:22:00.000-08:00

last night's champagne was for the House, tonight's is for the Senate, it's a celebration bitches

Via: VideoSift

Freedom! Have you voted for a Democrat yet today?

2006-11-07T06:08:00.000-08:00

First off, stop reading this and go vote for a Democrat.

VOTE DEMOCRAT
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I have never played Grand Theft Auto, or any other video game in about 10 years. But this commercial is played so many times on comedy central that I get caught singing Phil Collins at full blast throughout my house....damn thing gets stuck in my head even though I’m usually fastforwarding through commercials.
what’s poppin? Isnt that what you guys say? What’s poppin?

Did the postal service make Phil Collins cool aga.....err...for the first time? No not really.

Sheees An Eeeeasy looover.
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The skins beat Dallas this weekend, for the third time in four tries, no thanks to Mark Poonell, who kept trying to throw the game away. But huge props to Clinton “Janky Spanky” Portis. Are the rumors true that he is celebrating with Deelishis from the Flava Flav show?
Anyway, scroll down that blog post for even more juicy skins gossip, the very worst (and highest paid) safety in the league is dating a pretty monay Playmate
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The DC United tailgate was a blast, Bolivian steaks are money, but despite about 90-1 shot advantage, DC couldnt break through and Defeat the NE Revolustion.
According to Cracked, the reason may lie in the fact that jesus was over at Fed Ex field and couldnt make it 5 miles over to RFK in time for the game. Jesus is a winner

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If you are still reading the traditional Washington Post sports section online, stop. This DC Sports “Bog” by Dan Steinberg is amazing and links to all the news you need to read from all the local and national media.
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What if Democratic media talking-heads decided to stop debating on issues and facts and started trying to act like Republican shills Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, etc. Well Cliff Schecter has decided to take just that position and go on CNN and MSNBC as the Limbaugh of the Left. He decides to use the same idiotic rhetoric that these fools on the right use every day, such as saying Republicans have cut and run on our troops (which they have). Make sure you watch all the way through as he starts calling Republicans perverted pedophiles who are all addicted to drugs. It is all really good and funny stuff, and while Schecter may look a little (ok maybe more than a little) foolish, this is actually what Republican talking heads have been doing for years, and what actually poses as serious commentary when done by Hannity on Fox News...and the media has been somehow respecting them as sentient beings.

This is no different than what Limbaugh, Hannity, etc do every day and yet Limbaugh gets spots on CBS news, and ESPN and Coulter gets on the cover of national magazines and national bestsellers. I wonder if those assholes think it is so funny when it is done back to them. Can we all recognize that this is no way to discuss politics and have everyone debate actual issues....only problem is that Democrats would lose this Schecter guy and Republicans would lose just about every single one of their national media figures.
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Oh and you can have your own IM chat with Mark Foley, simply add foleyIMbot to you AOL IM list. HE doesnt log on much anymore, but when he does it is golden.

New Next Week: 6 Senators, 15 Reps., 1 QB, and 1 Coach

2006-10-29T20:21:00.000-08:00

I asked. You answered. I’m back.
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He hath revealed himself in the skies of Hamburg Germany. That is right the Flying Spaghetti Monster has apparently arisen and revealed himself to the German people.

Now we just need the Germans Banana Hands and the Milky Pirate to pen a song about the FSM instead of their non-normal hands

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Banana Hands and Milky Pirate may have some nice dance moves, but this little guy surely has them both beat:

You can catch more of his antics here and here, and the little guy even has his own blizzog.

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For only fifteen thousand, I can get Rilo Kiley to play my wedding? You should see some of the poo poos that cost $3,500.00
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MLS news: A great dummy followed toe poke put DC United into the Eastern Conference finals tonight. We need to get a donkies-tailgate going for the next home game.

I was watching the DC United game a couple of weeks ago, and after United secured the best record in the league, during the game, they pulled a bunch of players. At that point I figured all of the excitement in this 0-0 game was concluded and then - out of nowhere - Brian Ching pulled THIS MOVE off. Wow, the US team is gonna need some of that next time around.

In searching for that amazing goal by Ching, I came across a goal by Donkies-jersey-wearing C. Ronaldo who, in the same week, basically one-upped Ching by assisting himself on a bycicle kick.

Two of the best goals I’ve ever seen.
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Even after his “record setting” performance a couple weeks ago, I poo-pooed Mark Brunell’s skills as a quarterback on this here blog. Then after one actually respectable game against Jacksonville, my analysis looked a little off. But the last few weeks have once again proven that you can never go wrong as a football commentator by dissing the ever-eroding skills Mark Boo-nell. He might be a bottom five qb in the whole league.

Watch Brunell’s exploits in this amazing cartoon depiction of Brunell and Gibbs

Is there anyway that when we replace 15 - 20 Republicans in the House of Reps and 6 Republican Senators next week, we can also vote out 2 more bible-thumping republicans - Gibbs and Brunell.
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In my continuing effort to get the internet to replace your TV. Here is every single episode of the US version of the Office. Best sitcom....ever?
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Many of these redonulous links found through “the Internets” while using “The Google”.

Bush loves “The Google”
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Finally here is today’s worst person in the world: drug addled gasbag RL...I said there are only two more weeks with these guys in total control right?

New Post?

2006-10-25T08:44:00.000-07:00

Anybody waiting for me to update this thing? Let me know.

This website's updated by Witches, witches, witches and me.

2006-09-29T10:39:00.000-07:00

Here is undoubtedly the best take on the unfortunate death of the Crocodile Hunter, via Norm Macdonald on the Daily Show:

Crocodile voice: "Man, he was taunting me with a stick, I could have eaten him and his fucking kid"

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Hated by Pitchfork, but considered brilliant by me, Ryan Adams has updated his website and replacing all of his amazing alt-country songs on the first few pages, are the new rap stylings of MC Ryan Adams. I must repeat ...brilliant
“Awww shit, look who got a website”...
The main-page track contains shouts to witches, Anna Farris, 2003, Kevin Bacon, and Waterworld 3. Props to stereogum for preserving the song in all of its glory. Stereogum 2002, bitches, Anna Farris represent indeed.

I may have listened to this "song" 8 times in the last hour.
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New gawker music blog, Idolator, tracks how Weird Al released a geek-centric parody video online and became the most blogged about person in music last week. White & Nerdy is all about geeky internet culture and was perfectly positioned to create a blog tsunami.

But the best part of Idolator’s article was the inclusion of Weird Al's version of R.Kelly epic song, set in a drive-thru instead of a closet. I DON’T EVEN LIKE LIVER!.
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Soon we will not even need TVs at all. Already sites like Cracked.com scour You Tube for the highlights of some of the best shows on TV.
The feature where they select the 10 best skits is one of my favorite versions of TV-on-the-internet.
Examples:
10 best will ferrell
10 best Chapelle
10 best jackass
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Throw george allen down the well. See if you can spot George Allen at this classic Borat concert.
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High-larious interpretation of sean the paul. It all makes sense now. Fishead!!!
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Finally, I will demonstrate just how [un]impressive Mark Brunell's record setting day was. Courtesy of Steve Czaban and Czabe.com we have the following in-depth look at Brunell vs. the Texans in all of its (semi)glory.

Based on their research we can see that 11 of his 24 completions did not cross the line of scrimmage and the first 9 passes totaled negative five yards through the air. Wow.

Below is the work of Czaban and Scott Linn

"Mark Brunell had a bang-up day against the Texans, didn’t he guys? While I am certainly happy, it needs to be noted the relative puny-ness of the passes. Not as a knock, but just as facts.
12 of his 24 completions were to running backs or tight ends.
And 11 of his passes DID NOT CROSS the line of scrimmage!
Here’s the breakdown, courtesy of my film watching buddy and radio colleague Scott Linn.
Note: “+/-“ refers to yards beyond or behind the line of scrimmage in the air. Run after catch is not noted here."

-2 Portis
-1 Moss
+3 Lloyd
+1 Cooley
-5 Randle El
0 Sellers
-2 Sellers
+3 Portis
-2 Cooley
+7 Betts
+6 Moss
+17 to Randle El (NOTE: This catch was wiped out by a Skins penalty, but must be noted, the pass was a STONE COLD interception, that was flat out dropped by a Texan, and then caromed to Randle El.)
-4 Cooley
+26 Patten (NOTE: A good strong throw, but only because he had nothing to lose at end of half. Also threw it high, and nearly got him killed. FWIW.)
+3 Lloyd
+6 Randle El
-3 Moss
+2 Sellers
-5 Betts
+2 Moss
+6 Lloyd
+6 Moss
-2 Moss
INCOMPLETE
INCOMPLETE
+2 Cooley
-4 Betts

"Now again, I’m not knocking a gameplan that works, and this one did. But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves and think this will work against most decent (or better) teams"

I called you liar, but how right you were

2006-09-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

As predicted everywhere, the most popular channel on youtube - webcam girl lonleygirl15 - was a complete fake. All it took was the NY Times, LA Times, and some good myspace detective work to out her. Once the myspace detectives found her out, it was not long before her personal pictures got posted on livejournal and youtube, and by last night the real lonelygirl was inexplicably dancing with Tucker Carlson on Jay Leno and Youtube. Ahhh the internets.
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You want donkey sports, these are donkey sports.

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After a big win in our opening game last week, donkies football wants to practice this Saturday at 9 am. What the fuck? Practice? Not a game, practice. Not the game, not a game....practice. Tell 'em Iverson.

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Now on his 23rd version of the apology, Senator George "Macaca" Allen, is still attempting to excuse his mocking of anyone darker than me, and his history of displaying the confederate flag. So as a further attempt to show his turnaround, George Allen has hosted a rally (no sheets on the head this time, its not his usual kind of rally). Everyone come see George Allen's brown people outreach rally. What a freaking idiot. If you're in VA, vote Jim Webb.
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As pointed out by Steregum, the latest battleground in the east-coast west-coast hip hop battles has been revealed..... flip flops. I am not shitting you, the thugs are now battling over the appropriateness of flip flops. flip flops.
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My guess for the next internet phenomenon after Lonelygirl is the girl with the huge teeth from the snorg tees ads on myspace. I thought I was the first one on this bandwagon, but apparently there is already a fansite for snorgtees girl and they have tracked down her myspace page
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I will now try to close each post with a music video. If my laptop had the ability to sing it would probably sound and look like this. .

Some guy programmed this Grandaddy video on an old school Apple II from 1979 and posted it on his website. Then Grandaddy approved it as the official video for the song. While I admit that most people would not even label this electronic mess a "song," I really like it for some reason.
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QUICK UPDATE:
My hero Stephen Colbert has picked up on Senator Macaca's Ethnic Rally:

This I know fo sho.

2006-08-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Osama is obsessed with Whitney Houston
He clearly hasnt seen her defend GW Bush’s policies. Her responses to Bobby Brown are capped off with the brilliant “kiss my ass” rebuttal...brilliant.

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After last week's video of Snoop jamming to the country Gin and Juice, I now demand YouTube to find me Andre 3000 rocking out to this acoustic cover. That is all YouTube, you may now continue with your day.

Side note: I am not embarrased to admit that I just listened to that song four straight times.
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If you dont want to spend hours scouring youtube and google video, this is one of the best websites for grabbing the highlights, posting them in blog form, and allowing users to vote on their popularity Digg.com-style. Videosift.
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why the hell did the Skins trade a 3rd rounder for TJ Duckett. Is there something we don’t know about C. Portis. What happened to faith in Ladell Betts?
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is lonelygirl15 real? Since nobody believes that she is real anymore, what is she selling?
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5 lines that ruin otherwise very good rap songs. The only one I COMPLETELY agree with is #2. Notorious BIG
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holy shit, the macaca is piling up.
Allen is now down one point to Webb in latest poll. Other polls also have them basically in a statistical dead heat. wow.

A-S-S-H-O-L-E Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E (Dennis Leary tribute lyrics)

2006-08-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

This is clearly the best baseball commentary you will ever see. Dennis Leary and the Red Sox first baseman: sticking it to a racist Mel Gibson. “I hope in rehab they are showing a video of that ....Braveheart, my ass.”

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But don't stop with Mel Gibson. Conservative racism week rolls on (thanks Wonkette), as the George-Allen-racist-video that I linked to last week will not die. Here we have CNN, breaking down the brilliant decision by Allen to call the only brown guy at a rally in Southern Virginia, a racist monkey term meaning monkey. The Subcontinental Giant would not allow such words. We need to get Jim Webb elected in Virginia, and fast.

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More fun with Allen – Guess the Real Virginian – and here is a hint: its not the guy white guy who grew up in Southern California. Here is another hint, it is not George Allen. Also, Rob tells John Stewart that he is Mcacan.
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Finally, courtesty of Wonkette, here is the final entrant in GOP racism week.
The republican leading in the race for a vacant House seat, proclaims

"I grew up in Alabama, I understand - uh, I know this from my own experience that blacks are not the greatest swimmers, or may not even know how to swim”

Pretty smooth move buddy.
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You know who is NOT Racist....Filliam H. Muffman.
The Colbert report has its own Wikiality, and Filliam H. Muffman is rightly celebrated. Take that Wikipedia

Here is the Wikiality definition of F.H.M.

"Portmanteau commonly used by Colbert Report host Stephen Colbert to refer to Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy, a Hollywood couple. Because Stephen has referred to them as Filliam H. Muffman, this is the ONLY acceptable way to properly refer to them. Filliam H. Muffman is the single most successful Hollywood couple. Ever. There will never be another one like them.

Their most famous work, "The Splendiferous Zeppelin Escapades of Filliam H. Muffman" was a film documenting their summer of love when they tried to close the last of the Nazi Zeppelins, that was being used as a mobile sweatshop by the Chinese. Filliam H. Muffman saved over 400 future Jolie children"

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If the quality of this internet video is any indication, HDTV’s may soon become obsoloete, this is some quality stuff
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They all have a motto: Be rich, dress poor

2006-08-15T20:17:00.000-07:00

I’m back from a relaxing weekend at the Delaware beach. For the first time, I did not even hit up the Dewey Beach bars even once. The same cannot be said for Scott Van Pelt. The ESPN talking head apparently got the phone number of some young lady at the Bottle and Cork and figured he would give her a call and leave a nice message. This girl, however, decided to save his message post it on the internets. Fortunately for us, and unfortunately for SVP, the site with the best contents on all the interwebs, Deadspin.com got a hold of the message.

You gotta feel bad for SVP for having a private message broadcast on the interwebs, but I’d have to agree that all-in-all he comes out looking like a good guy, maybe trying to hard to be funny - but damn funny nonetheless.
Here is the long, funny, dewey-beach-centric phone message in all its glory

While Deadspin has been providing the best content lately, the best overall site continues to be YouTube. You can find a video of anything on that site. As proof of that, I found this video of Van Pelt at the very same Dewey bar where the previous meeting went down.

I will be in back Dewey/Rehoboth on Labor Day Weekend, and while I KNOW SVP wont be returning after this incident, maybe I will spot another Sportscenter anchor goin for the Leather or Stuart Scott hollerin'.

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If you don’t wanna get caught reading Deadspin at work, another greater Gawker-media site, Lifehacker, provides this badass website that converts any other website into a work-friendly viewer. Type in any URL and you can read it at work without fear of the man lookin over your shoulder.
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Anyone who has been to college and gotten fucked up has enjoyed the novelty-countryfied-bluegrass version of Snoop Dogg’s epic classic Gin N Juice as performed by the Gourds. Well in this video we learn that Snoop also enjoys the version....as he sings along.

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I don’t know how the Wizards will be able to cope with the loss of Jared Jeffries. This Knicks blogger is already imagining the Bird vs. Magic comparisons that will arise during Knicks practices when the world gets to witness Jeffries vs. Balkman.
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Dcist points me to the wonderful customizable Stephen Colbert “On Notice Board” Generator. You can input anything that you would like to place “on notice" and it goes up on the big board.

Edit to your heart’s content, but whatever you do, do not erase the greatness that is FILLIAM H. MUFFMAN.

For your further viewing pleasure, here is the origin of Filliam H Muffman that wonderful Bennifer-like blend of Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy
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Of all the myriad dance remixes centered around Wilford Brimley’s pronounciation of the word “Diabetes” this is clearly the BEST.
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Here are some links to almost every Penn & Teller Bullshit episode from Showtime, all hosted on google video. My favorite has to be the episode in which they expose the bullshit that is bottled water. I drink the stuff but only because I am redonkulously lazy.
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The greatest bright spot in my move to Virginia would be if I get to cast the deciding vote to defeat racist Senator George Allen. Watch this video of Allen, yesterday, calling an Indian UVA student Macaca - twice - which is apparently a monkey-based racial slur. Nice move dick.

Ch Ch Changes

2006-08-06T18:41:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe any of you are still checking this thing after my latest month-long hiatus, but apparently people are still clicking away, so I’m back for more. No excuses for the long break this time....well, actually, tons more excuses.

76 days ago I was in my twenties, single, and renting a place in the city with brother. Today, things done changed. I am now in my thirties, engaged, and I live in a house that I own in Arlington. Combine all that with the busiest couple work weeks of my life and I think I can be excused from posting some stupid redonkulous shit for a while.
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Thanks to a site called Ikea Hacker, I found this money desk for my new home office.
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This Chucky K. article is the best and most well thought out Snakes on Plane dissertation I’ve ever read. Despite buying into the internet hype, I will NOT be going to see this movie. I agree with the Chucky K logic which I think can be summarized as follow: "It's so bad its funny/good" just doesnt work if its intentionally bad, therefore it will probably just end up, like most other summer movies, just plain regular bad.
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I literally laughed out loud, and I mean chuckled in such a way that it was audible from multiple feet away, from these editors notes to Axl Rose
and also this APB for Jon Bon Jovi.

"Bon Jovi is no regular cowboy. He rides a horse made of steel. A steel horse. I am not shitting you. And don't think this is some sort of comical clunky robot horse with whimsical hydraulic sound effects and extraneous flashing lights. This thing is exactly like a Thoroughbred, only much larger and made from an incredibly resilient alloy. Bullets can't even penetrate this horse, much less stop it. Bon Jovi is also armed with a loaded six-string that he carries on his back. Reports differ on whether he uses it as a sort of crossbow or whether it's actually a guitar that he plays with such shocking mastery as to render victims helpless. Regardless, take heed."

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Input your first and last name and get your Brazillian-soccer-name and jersey here.
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Can someone tell me why the "Arlington Comcast" decided to differ from "Washington DC Comcast" or the "Montgomery County Comcast" and offer the WORST.. DVR..EVER Seriously, any DVR is better than no DVR, and DVR is clearly the most crucial component of a home theater system, but Scentific Atlanta makes the worst DVR in the history of all DVR's.
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U.S.A. in 2010 - the athletic team we support will score more points than our opponents

2006-06-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

Thanks again to youtube, here is some classic Maryland Terps footage. It is true: “The athletic team they were supporting did score more points than its opponents.” It is also undeniably true “There is no I in Sofa,”
All you terps alumni can be proud.

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Ok, I’m sure many of you got that idiotic “Evolution of Dance” video sent to you in the past couple weeks. I think four different people sent me that video of some dorky white guy pulling off every dance move invented throughout the last thirty years. This version alone got over 1 million views.

Well here is the “Evolution of Dance” for the “rest of us.” I believe this video has captured all of MY dance moves through the years...unless it is 1:30 am and I’m hammer-timed and decide to bust out the back that azz up.

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I have the perfect accessory for watching my video ipod on the metro.

So what if I look like some kind of Star Wars extra, nobody will distract me from my downloaded copy of The Office, and that unshowered homeless meth-addict will not get all up in my grill to try to sneak a peak.

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In case you were wondering just how astoundingly stupid the conservatives running our country actually are -- the Senate came within one vote yesterday of passing a constitutional amendment to ban something that hurts nobody - just to prove how damn patriotic they are - flag buring. America... Fuck Yeah!

I guess after Congress failed in trying to change the Constitution in order to more easily discriminate against fags, they turned to the next most important issue, protecting our mighty flag. Because the real problem is not our soldiers in Iraq being burned, instead its our flags being burned, pretty smart congress.

Although the amendment barely failed, at least I can see why they brought it up. According to the Post, there has been a “33 percent increase in the number of flag-desecration incidents this year.” May it is a problem, a 33% increase, this must be stopped. But then from the post... . “The number has increased to four, from three.” Wait a second, these morons are trying to change our constitution, which has been rarely tinkered with in our whole nation's history, in order to stop four moronic protesters a year, from burning a piece of cloth. Wow.
Unfortuneatlely for all the brave conservative supporters, we were not able to join the other three mighty freedom-loving nations that have already enacted such bans...China, Iran, and Cuba
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I was already terrified of snakes on a plane, and now Colbert points out that according to the conservative Wall Street Journal, I must also be afraid of snakes in a marriage.
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I now present everyone’s favorite new game show: Coulter vs. Hitler
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Score another one for David Cross. In another shocker, it turns out that self-proclaimed redneck comedian Larry the Cable is not really a redneck, that is not his real accent, he is not a cable guy (shocker) and his whole act is just him trying to make some money by convincing middle america that he is a high-larious blue collar redneck, with a bunch of cool fart jokes. Check out this side-by-side comparison with his old act as some kind of east coast liberal.
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The rest of this post will be dedicated to the greatest sporting event on earth – the World Cup. The World Cup only comes around once every four years, so if you are a soccer hater -- shut up, deal with it for a couple more weeks, and enjoy the next four soccer-free years until 2010.

While the World Cup is the greatest, there are a few things that I would like to change about international soccer. What follows are my four main areas of concern, or formal complaints that I would hereby like to lodge with FIFA, soccer’s international governing body. Just remember I am making these criticisms out of love for the game – not like the idiotic article I will profile after my four issues.

1) Diving. The swan diving and fake injuries after every bit of minor contact are out of control in international soccer. There is no way that MAGIC SPRAY can really work. Seriously? Magic Spray? (Watch any game...one second the guy is being carted off on stretcher, then he is sprayed with the magic spray and.... BOOM, back on the field running). Soccer players are super tough, but when everyone is caught up in this acting nonsense, in order to draw foul calls, they look like humongous jackasses. Win like a man, lose like a man, but quit the diving.

2) Time keeping. The time-keeping redonkulous. There is no rhyme or reason to injury/stoppage time, and the ref makes no signal when the clock is stopped. Why not just have the ref, raise his arms to stop the clock during any stoppage in play, and the time keeper then press the little button on the clock to stop it ticking - just like in basketball. Instead, the referee is the only person who knows how much time is left, and he clearly fudges it – randomly adding 2 or 3 minutes to most games. Why is this the only sport in the world that cant use a clock to countdown the time? Instead the clock counts upward and the only person who controls the clock, makes no mention of the time to anyone else. This is incredibly stupid, especially when the refs often let a play continue and until the ball is eventually played out-of-bounds and then call and end to the game. Clearly the ref was just making up the time left in these instances... Nonsense.

3) Penalty Kicks. There is a large box in front of the goal and all major fouls in this box result in a penalty kick. OK so far, so good..... except that the box is not entirely directly in front of the goal, and wraps around the sides. Also it makes no difference if the player is in the far corner of the box and running AWAY from the goal when he gets fouled -- automatic penalty kick. After the foul, or dive (see complaint #1) the player is awarded a penalty shot from point blank range that will most likely result in a goal. The percentage of penalty shots converted in-game is about 5,000 times higher than any other type of shot, and in a game in which the average number of goals is somewhere around 2, awarding a penalty kick for every foul in the box is just stupid. What we are left with is referees “deciding the game” (See, Ghana v. USA, Socerroos v. Italy).

4) FIFA subbing rules. For some odd reason, international soccer has decided to allow only three subs per game. The result is that the last ten minutes of the game – which should be the most exciting – often involve players who can barely make it from one side of the field to the other. Also if there are unforseen injuries, some teams are left playing a man down because they “used up” all their subs. I have yet to hear a good argument for limiting the number of subs to only three.

Despite these complaints, I still love the game, and I would rather watch 4 consecutive zero-zero ties, than sit through nine innings of even the most "exciting" baseball game. So on with the blogging and redonkulous linking
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As opposed to my reasoned criticisms of soccer, I will now show you what happens when an esteemed conservative publicaiton, the Weekly Standard, attempts to critique soccer. Bullshit ensues. These clowns in a respected conservative publication actually believe that soccer is part of a liberal plot to pussify America and replace their boring-ass baseball. If you don’t believe me, here is one such direct quote:

“DESPITE HEROIC EFFORTS of soccer moms, suburban liberals, and World Cup hype, soccer will never catch on as a big time sport in America.”

Suburban liberals are trying to foist soccer upon us? About the only thing that the article gets right is the last paragraph which states that doooonkeys would be money at soccer.
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The freakonomics authors, who apply economic theory in kick-ass real world applications, have now studied penalty kicks and determined that while many more kickers use the strategy of kicking it down the middle, this is not employed as often as it should, because you look like a freaking idiot on those occasions when you don’t score. I buy that theory completely. Those in the world cup would be merely be seen as chokers in their home countries if they missed wide on a penalty shot, but if you kick right at the goalie the shame is probably tough to live down.
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Finally, in an amazing video there is a young Brazillian striker who does an amazing Seal-like March with the soccer ball, and it looks impossible to stop. The guy can flick the ball up to his head and run down the field balancing the ball. He has claimed that the only way to stop him is to foul – and the defenders in this video seemed to have bought that theory, because he gets destroyed many times. Yeah, watch these fouls on the guy and tell me soccer is not a full contact sport/
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Although, we lost last week, I was sure right about Dempsey, he is the future of US soccer.

Thanks to Soccer, I grind more Ice than a hockey skate

2006-06-19T21:25:00.000-07:00

If you are not watchin the Copa Mundial this Thursday at 10:00 then you gots problems. After the shakiest of shaky starts against the Czech Republic, the US bounced back nicely and outplayed the heavily favored Italian team despite being a man down for the entire second half. We watched the first game on 20 tiny TV's at Rumors and had nothing to show for the 2 hour lunch, so all further US games will be viewed at home on the big screen in the Paper Mill. Be there - Thursday at 10 A.M.

After the "Czech Yo Self Before You Wreck Yo Self Debacle," I pined for Clint Dempsey to get some playing time, and it turns out that Arena actually agreed. In fact, Dempsey got the start against Italy and brought some much needed passion to Sam’s Army. Not only does Dempsey have compsure with the ball and the skill and courage to actually take on defenders 1-on-1, but the guy is also a gangsta rapper. I’m not saying he is “like” a gangsta rapper, or has the demeanor of a gangster rapper out there....No, the skinny, white, soccer playing kid from Texas is an actual gangsta rapper, and is actually not that horrible. (Better than Shaq actually)

He may not be the best, but you gotta admit that he is at least as good, although not as funny, as this rapping white traffic girl from North Carolina

.......word
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I have always maintained that musical theater is among the worst of all art forms, but now Nick Hornby, the author of my favorite all-time book, High Fidelity, says that they are making the book into an off broadway production. Could it be, a musical that I will actually enjoy? I will reserve judgment for now.
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Everyday the air-conditioning in my building is cut off at 6:00 p.m. and I have found no way to keep the thing running. I have taken to closing my blinds and putting the thing at full blast beginning at 5:00 to get an extra half hour of coolness. But now it looks like I may have found another solution – a USB powered air conditioned shirt. Or I could just start going home at 6:00
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OK, so some dumbass GOP politician goes on the Colbert Report last week and puts forth his argument to have the 10 Commandments placed in public courthouses (haven’t they figured out by now what these Comedy Central interviews are about, the congressmen still seemed shocked by the questions). Then good old Stephen Colbert hits him with this nasty trick quesiton..... “Name the 10 Commandments?”... Big shocker the guy has no clue. Oh you mean he may just be stirring up this issue to rally the republican church-going vote? Get out? You mean he doesnt actually believe in it and know the entire bible, I’m stunned. Watch here for the highlarious results. (Another highlight, he is stumped when Colbert asks him to name ANY building that would be a better venue for the 10 Commandments)
And here is some classic Colbert on the 10 commandments

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Keeping with the GOP POS theme, Jack Burkman is some random anonymous GOP spokesperson who says stupid, inaccurate, and awful things on cable new such as nonsense like: the 9/11 widows were eager to exploit the deaths and make money right after the towers fell, Democrats equate US soldiers to terrorists, and that Kerry brought the swift boat attacks on himself

Now we know what this idiot does after making these redonkulous statements on national tv. After spewing hatred on democrats and touting his republican family values, it looks like he approaches young girls in town for the gay pride parade and tries to pick em up. The only problem is that he gives out his real card and they get to blog about it and endlessly mock his contacts on a Myspace blog. This chick's myspace blog on the event is highlarious.

UPDATE: Damn, it looks like her myspace page and blog are set to "private" now, so you cant get in on all the fun.
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Keith Olberman continues to be one of my heroes

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The "All growns up" edition

2006-06-14T10:47:00.000-07:00

This break in blogging has been even longer than than last break, but once again I have a great excuse. Last time it was Puerto Rico for my 30th bday and Delaware for Memorial Day. This time I had a trial in DC court, and BOUGHT A HOUSE. So, once again, I think I am excused for the lengthy break.
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As I have spent all my free time doing new-house-associated-activities I have no real substantive blog posts but tons of redonkulous-style linksy goodness

On the plane to Puerto Rico, I was [un]fortunate enough to have Big Momma’s House 2 as my in-flight movie. Now you may be thinking... “wow at the very least you know you will get a better in-flight movie on the way back.” Well, if you thought that you would wrong. Completely, utterly, and demonstrably wrong. In fact, I can guarantee that the movie on the return flight was no better than BMH2..... because that movie on the return flight was ALSO Big Momma’s House 2. I am completely serious – two straight flights featuring this Oscar worthy flick. Even for those who are fans of the recent comedic stylings of Martin Lawrence, this double-dip of Big Momma would seem to be too much to take. Luckily I had a laptop and a video ipod so we did not end up like this fateful flight – “Passengers Bravely Take Down Plane Showing Big Momma's House 2". ((On another note, it is pretty ballsy of the Onion to already dip into 9/11 for comedic effect)).
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I am no more likely to go see X-Men 3 in a movie theater than I was likely to see Big Momma’s House 2, but apparently the makers of X-Men picked up on this “I’m the Juggernaut Bitch” movie/internet phenomenon that I linked to a while a back (below the Tahj Holden post) and they actually incorporated the "You Tube" favorite into the movie.

Wiz Bang is referring this incorpation of bloggy humor into actual movies as the “snakes on a plane effect” where directors reshoot scenes simply to appease internet fans. Ill go with that, anyone think there is any chance that The Davinci Code Movie contains any reference to the Leprechaun in Alabama or just wanting to go for the gooooold.

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Here is the best choreographed remix of the lady punch video. Take me out.

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At least for a couple weeks there Stalkerati was the best way to stalk your friends and neighbors. The site could search myspace, friendster and others all with one click. Now it seems that myspace has found a way to block this search function, but Im sure they wont be stopped for long.
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Inside the NBA remains the best sports studio show on television, no doubt.
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Now that I bought a house and I'm becoming all growns up, is this what I have to look forward to?
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I dont think there is any way I could agree more with this rant against DC 101

A sampling

Fourth, we would be forced to brave our morning commute without the vapid chatter and hyena cackle of your pudgy (if intellectually emaciated) mascot, Elliot. Think of the potential damage to our collective IQ brought on by the sudden absence of his musings on beer, tits, and fags; some of us might learn to read in the time we would otherwise have spent furiously pounding the redial button on our phones, trying to win that new yellow H2, or those priceless front-row seats to see Tonic. Without you, there might be room on the dial for a station or two that actually cared about music, instead of a testosterone-fueled training program for the Future Drunk-Drivers of the National Capital Area (Hopelessly Inarticulate Division) masquerading as a worthwhile broadcast outlet. Lastly, but certainly not least, only those of us who have actually taken steps to procure Hoobastank's latest effort would have the opportunity to listen to the almost-Diane-Warren-quality ballad "the Reason" upwards of six times per day.

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Anyone looking to write a college essay or other personal statement, needs to look no further than this masterpiece

Small sampling:

"I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row."

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Hopefully the blogging will pick up again soon, and I can bring you much better content than the above links. However, with everything going on in my life it is not likely. At least I still had wireless interenet in Puerto Rico (and cell phone service in El Yunque Rainsforest that was better than most service in Montgomery County) and I am getting ever close to my goal of reaching the end of the internets.
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Here is to hoping that Al Gore runs for President (and wins) and that Landon Donovan and the US team shows up against Italy (and at least ties). Word.

Puerto Rico, Ho!

2006-05-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

There was no posting for the last week because I was in P.R. It was redonkulous.

The first group of pictures is brought to you by Spoony D, who does some of the best paparazzi work on all of the internets for his Donkies(eys) picture website. Check ’em out here.

The amazing pictures should keep rolling in from other peoples' cameras too, and it is a shame that these pictures of the Bioluminescent Bay did not come through in all their glowey goodness. We took out kayaks on a bay that glows in the dark. Pretty money.

I will update this post with even more photographer’s galleries as they roll in, and I will now download my Medalla screensaver.

Oh, and I am now officially in my thirties.

RDL

She thinks she missed the train to mars

2006-05-08T19:07:00.000-07:00

My apologies for failing to post last week. I continued year two of my liberal oasis tour by hitting up San Francisco for a few days, and have been swamped since my return. But the Linker is chock full of redonkulousness today so I will commence with the linkage.
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The guys on this blog have made the discovery of a lifetime. It seems that you can rent former Bullet and Wizznut Gheorghe Muresan to coach your basketball team for a mere $40 per hour. That is a fraction of the price of a plumber, and you get the gentle giant to run your practice, bargain. In the immortal words of Chris Farley - That......is........awesome.

The Donkies(eys) Basketball team will have to quickly get on this, so that we may get a team picture like the following

If only we could pay to get former Bullets Manute Bol and Muggsy Bogues to also attend it would make the single greatest day in Donkies sports history, and would surely result in a team picture that I would treasure forever.

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I don’t know how many of you saw “television’s” Stephen Colbert step up to President Bush and do what millions of Americans have been wanting to do for years, but it was classic, watch it here.

The guy took to the podium, looked straight into Bush’s grill, and proceeded to tell “jokes” that consisted of line after line of comedic takedowns of Bush, and straight-up criticisms of the idiocy and incompetence of Bush’s presidency. As John Stewart said, the guy has STONES, and as others have said, to do it while right up in Bush’s grill is straight GANGSTA.

THANK YOU STEPHEN COLBERT.

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It is only about a year or so late, but the Redonk Linker has introduced Will to the Arcade Fire and he cant get enough. Now he is actually a cool hipster, maybe in another year or so he can be as cool as these kids on Pancake Mountain
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He was only asked for a few minutes with no cell phone interruptions, his response:

You can have it if you want to live in Agora fucking hills, and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday

Those words brought to you by another straight gangsta, Ari Gold. Here is a full highlight video of the man himself.

Fortunately, my legal style is a little different from his. Do I lose hipster points for still liking Entourage? Do I give a fuck?
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For some reason, this Rob Corddry movie, courtesy of the Upstate Life, looks amazing
If its still running in Arlington, I am there.
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This Cheese-Eatin-Surrender-Monkey-Frenchie lays down the smack on high gas prices, and his French ass is correct, so stop whining about the prices.
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Listened to while typing this post - the best slow-then-fast pure rock song in history. Hum.
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On the plane ride to California, I tore through the book Freakonomics. While some chapters were not the most intriguiging reads the beauty of the format allows you to simply skip to the next essay. After reading the book I stumbled accross the authors’ blog, and if you have also read the book, the blog is a must.

In a couple posts that must be highlighted on this blog the authors compare wives to donkeys. Thats right wives vs. donkeys. Who you got?
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Sundance DocDay comes through again. Last night at about 11:30 I started to the movie Overnight, and could not stop until the end of the movie. The doc is basically a drunken movie-length version of Project Greenlight, but one in which Harvey Weinstein is repeatedly referred to in graphic derrogatory terms. The story tracks the making of Boondock Saints, and Troy Duffy's ego as it swells beyond Ari Gold proportions. If you are not a movie buff or don't know what the fuck I am talking about, you can surely skip this movie.
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Don’t tell the Republicans, but it looks like Democrats actually DO have an agenda. Democratic leaders have already begun laying out the laws that will be passed in the first couple weeks of Democratic leadership. Hopefully we will take back the house and get to implement them

[Democratic] leaders said a Democratic House would quickly vote to raise the minimum wage for the first time since 1997. It would roll back a provision in the Republicans' Medicare prescription drug benefit that prohibits the Department of Health and Human Services from negotiating prices for drugs offered under the program.

It would vote to fully implement the recommendations of the bipartisan panel convened to shore up homeland security after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, Democratic leaders said.

And it would reinstate lapsed rules that say any tax cuts or spending increases have to be offset by spending cuts or tax increases to prevent the federal deficit from growing.

Looks good to me, lets get it on.

I'll sing statistics, and hide the truth

2006-04-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

Weekend recap:
A rousing start for the undefeated Donkies(eys) basketball franchise. In its first outing as a basketball unit, the Donkies[eys] never once trailed and blew out the Gtown Ballers at the Rockville Sportsplex this weekend. However, from the looks of the brothas dunking in the layup line before the next game, it looks like the season may get a lot more challenging pretty quickly.

I also attended a highly entertaining wedding in Charlottesville this weekend, where there was a face off between our University side of the wedding and the wonderful Git-R-Done groom’s side of the wedding. The wedding pretty much went down like this classic debate, and it was segregated for much of the night except when the Git-R-Done choo choo train, via the Quad City DJ's, made its way through our side for five highlarious minutes.

I was also informed at the wedding that Dori changed her name to Stephanie and left me for a while to do Temptation Island with some clown named Anthony. She doesnt see it.
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The weekend was also good because I didnt go to the Madhatter.

Once this guy gets through his uneventful personal internet history he launches into an inspired rant against the MadHatter in Golden Triangle.
I could not agree with his sentiments more, as he cites a few of the reasons why I cant stand MadHatter/McFaddens/TomToms (same place right?).

Here are my personal reasons why those establishments equal a shitty weekend night:
1) awful music like ABBA and Pussycat dolls (or some shit like that),
2) said awful music at redonkulous volumes that make it impossible to talk to the people you went out with (esp. McF.)
3) 300 plus people per square inch of bar space
4) douchebags with popped collars worthy of this hot-girl-with-douchebag blog bumping into you all night long and screaming “Johnny used to work on the docks”
5) five dollar miller lites (and usually while I roll in groups of 5 or more that cause you to spend $25 on each round of said miller lites, about the price of an amazing steak at Smith & Wollensky),
6) morons chainsmoking 2 inches from your grill until your contacts glaze over and you smell like a mixture of a dirty ashtray and floor at these establishment

Overall Madhatter/McFaddens/TomToms = not a good time on a Friday or Saturday night.
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A Kansas schoolteacher was ordered to remove a likeness of the flying spaghetti monster from her classroom door -- F that.
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I finally brokedown and signed up for myspace last week.
Meanwhile, Fimoculous continues his articulate critique on popular internet culture, by simply asking “MySpace, what have you wrought?” and linking to the 29,000 google hits for "thanks for the add you guys rock".

Seriously, has myspace now become the dominant method for exchanging music online, and sharing their love for the same 12 songs. I heard some “cable car” song by some band called “the Fray” on about 15 peoples MySpace page within two days of signing up and thought they were some type of myspace supported band. I never heard this redonkulously catchy song but I sure have now -- how can 15 people in my close network have it as their signature song already. Really, myspace, what have you wrought?

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Hopefully this cold-can technology will be in place for the summer concerts that typically reach about 110 degrees here in the DC area. Miller is busting out new cold can technology, no coozie required.
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Two interesting videos via Crooks and Liars

I thought I believed in the “theory” of evolution until Mike Seaver and some guy with a parno mustache explained to me that god perfectly created a banana to be eaten by man, and even demonstrated how god trumped evolution by creating the perfect banana-delivery packaging . Check it out here.

Now that is some wacky shit, but apparently Mike Seaver is all about these god videos. Gotta respect their argument (no you really don’t, honestly its insane) but for some reason something about those two fools giving all this love to the banana, even in a god loving video, made me a tad uncomfortable about where the video was going. If that small video wasn't enough to bash your atheism and cause you to believe in the almighty, the whole Kirk Cameron video is here

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In the other crooks and liars video I discovered that it is now finally mainstream to bash Bush, I was well ahead of the curve and on this bandwagon years ago, but now even TRL Girlbander Pink is screaming about his liquor and cocaine in a pretty stark video.

The newest rolling stone cover appears to be asking the correct question

Hell, even Fox news cant hide the truth as their latest polls have bush in the lower 30s.

Hopefully the Democrats will take over congress and the end is near for Rove, Bush, and these clowns.
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Finally, here is some video of the world’s 2nd largest version of the world's greatest game - Tetris. This was created with a personal computer, a bunch of Christmas lights, and a building - Wow. Dude definitely hung on too long waiting for the straight piece to drop, but we have all been there before

I scour You Tube, so You don’t have to

2006-04-16T18:01:00.000-07:00

If any of you reading this have been to law school, ever attended a deposition, or even ever seen a deposition conducted on TV, I think you would have to agree that this is about the greatest legal video ever.

I have been involved in some contentious depositions and even thrown out a “I’ll make whatever objection I want” but I have NEVER had the chance throw out a phrase like:”you may be big, but if you wanna see how bad you are come on” or “Mr. hairpeice” or “you dumb sunnamabitch” or even “incipient verbal diarrhea.” I am still young though, so maybe there is time.

You might think that these are just some idiot Texas lawyers, but the guy on the right taking the deposition is Joe Jamail, who is apparently known as the King of Torts. According to his own website, Jamail has over $12 Billion in jury verdicts and over $13 Billion in verdicts and settlements, has represented a client who received a verdict and judgment for $560 Million in a negligence and fraud case, and has been lead counsel in over two hundred personal injury cases where recovery, either by verdict or settlement, was in excess of One Million Dollars.

It is easy to see from this video the brilliant and intricate legal arguments that have propelled Jamail into billionaire status

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This link is for everyone who continues to send me inane questions while I am trying to get work done during the day.
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Yes, its true, I do sometimes try to get work done during the day. Unlike this guy, who has stumbled into my dream job. MSNBC has hired a blogger who is paid to surf the web and then link to everything that he clicks on during the course of each work day. He often has some pretty good finds, like this Blog post entitled “Blog” with some comments that are right on the money.
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For you aspiring web browsers, if you’re trying to navigate the web like the redonkulous linker or that guy from clicked, let me point you to this website that contains everything that google can do on one single page.
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With Donkies basketball starting next week (bringing the total Donkey-sports count to five) is there anyway that we can sign this baseball star known as Pronk. He is half donkey and half project - thus the Pronk, and has even had a Pronk candy bar named in his honor.
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It looks like prosecutors may be pursuing Barry “Scooter” Bonds for perjury in connection with his steroid testimony to the grand jury. For a good summary on the whole meaning of Bonds and steroids, check out Klosterman’s redonkulous article that became the cover story for last week’s ESPN the magazine, and includes inexplicable references to Yo La Tengo, Magnus Ver Magnusson, Kelly Clarkson, the Iraq War and Enron.
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On to the boring political news.....

With the Republican agenda failing in foreign policy (See Iraq, War) and domestic policy (See social security), and mid-term congressional elections right around the corner, the GOP is up to its old tricks. The word is out that the Republicans are ready to attempt to divide our nation again and stir up the church-going public by re-introducing the two of the stupidest proposed constitutional amendments in history and and by adding more restrictions on abortion.

According to this CNN article the GOP is seeking to drum up support through idiotic proposed constitutional amendments to ban flag burining and prevent gays from marrying, and by introducing a bill to stop women from crossing state lines to get abortions. Their "core issues." Yep, those are the real problems with our country, not the soldiers dying in Iraq, the declining enviroment, or the bazillion dollar deficit...

Democrats must take back the House or the Senate this year so this shit can stop.
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But I guess you can understand why Republicans want to scream about the evils of flag burning or the war on christian holidays, because shiny new scandals keep popping up every single week.

Not only did the Administration fail to reveal everything it knew about the Valarie Plame leak it also came out last week that they lied about the whole mobile bio weapons labs fiasco

And if one new scandal wasnt enough last week, the White House was also tied to a phone jamming scheme by republican operatives in New Hampshire.

Merely seeing Dick Cheney booed loudly at Nationals games is not enough any more. Like I said before, Democrats must take back the House or the Senate this year so that this craziness can come to an end.

If that doesn’t scare you enough, look at the UTTER CRAP that Conservatives would pass off as entertainment if we don’t stop them from taking over this country. Unless you enjoy horrible-sounding, factually challenged, “We Didn’t Start the Fire” rip-offs, do everything in your power to make sure these fools are stopped.

Who all seen the Leprechaun say Yeah? Yeah!!

2006-04-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

Since last week’s report of the leprechaun siting, the lepraCon has blown up. There have been numerous rap remixes and an off again myspace page highlighting the leprachaun’s exploits.

ThighsWide had a great rundown last week, including the myspace version and the yourthemannowdog version.

Donkey McDonkerton is a huge fan of this southern crunk remix version.

Here are a couple more of the video remixes

I want the gold video -

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Hey I’ll admit it I like the Family Guy. I am not obsessive enough to name my fantasy football team after Stewie or dress as Peter Griffin on Halloween, but I generally think it is a pretty good show. Not nearly as good as "The Office" or but still good. Sometimes, however, I’m watching the show with some other donkies(eys), and they will be like “ohhh shit did you see Cobra Commander in that boardroom, that shit is a beast” or “HAHA that was just like the Picture Pages commercial with Bill Cosby from the ‘80s.” Now I understand the idea of 80's nostalgia, and I have been dragged to “Legwarmers” concert, but I don’t find a joke hihg-larious simply because a random Gobot or Thundercat jumps onto the screen for no apparent reason. Apparently, Trey and Matt from South Park take my feelings a step further and actually hate the show because of this cheap stunt that Family Guy repeatedly pulls to keep generation x-y laughing. Check out the clip below, they made a whole episode of South Park just bashing the family guy for these random pointless pop 80's references that have absolutely no context.

I still enjoy Family Guy but I totally see their point....oooh look it’s the A-team at a football game....is that really all it takes to make us laugh?
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The NBA dunk contest was a joke this year (and most of the past few years). You had to sit through 15 straight misses in order to get to one decent dunk. Now I sort through you tube so that you dont have to, and I found this college dunk contest that blows the pros out of the water, and the dunks are far beyond decent. Maybe edited out the 30 misses in the middle, but check out this sick video to a nice soundtrack featuring Black Star, and tell me that the NBA contest wasnt garbage in comparison.

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As the Washington Bullets try to lock down the 5th spot in the East behind the amazing play of Gilbert Arenas, the Subcontinental Giant
currently artsing it up in Australia, points us to these ugly but captivating jerseys from the Brisbane Bullets. The Giant needs to order some of the Aussie jerseys for Donkies before he comes back from Down Under. However, if he runs accross any Roos on the way to get the jersey, he better hope it is not one of these over comfortable in public roos.
Australian Bullets jerseys are gonna become the new Unseld throwbacks.
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Alex Blagg of the Blagg Blog has an excellent myspace review on cracked.com
I gotta say he has a point, I wouldn’t want idiots from my high school posting Hoobastank videos on my page either, so for the time being I have only a blank myspace account simply for the purpose of stalking everyone else. Its money.
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Listen to these audio files. Howard Stern, on his new satellite show, had an interview with the strange Los Angelos phenomenon known as Wilmer “Fez” Valderamma. I have no freaking clue how this guy does it, but he has apparently he banged every actress/crappy-singer who has appeared on MTV in the last three years including Lohan, Mandy Moore, Jennifer Love Hewitt, etc. I think he may have even gone through the girls starring in “my sweet sixteen.” Listen to the interview here.
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Andrew Sullivan has the new electoral map , featuring the current feelings of America toward Bush. Blue town and blue all around.

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Finally I will quote Kos on some questions I can never get answered from those who "support the troops"

Funny how after three years of war in Iraq, war supporters still can't answer these three simple questions:

1. How does sending our troops to Iraq, separating them form their families and loved ones, putting them in harm's way, and keeping them there equal "supporting the troops"?

2. Why do those who claim to "honor their sacrifices" want them to continue sacrificing?

3. Why don't those who bloviate about "supporting" and "honoring" the troops against an enemy they think threatens Western civilization actually, you know, put on combat boots and join them?

Hey, Eddie Munster eats kids too (i.e. can this thing work twice)

2006-03-28T05:49:00.000-08:00

Big shouts to Deadspin for bringing in about 5,000 readers to this site in 2 days last week. All this love for a picture I found of Coach K biting the head off of a small child. The Coach K love was so great that Syracuse.com picked up on the story and brought in about another 4,000 readers.

Before I get any hate mail, I do not believe that Coach K actually bites the heads off of small children, that is just insane. Who would actually bite off the head of a child? It is much more likely that he simply orally decapitates rodents or other small mamals such as bats, in the mode of a young Ozzy Osbourne, but probably not children.

You might think that Coach K devouring our young is some crazy theory for the interwebs only, and wouldnt get any attention by the traditional print media. You would be wrong. Just this morning I learned that the Minneapolis Star Tribune sports section today featured a link to this site, and coach K’s kid-eating predilictions. So now that a newspaper in a major market has cited our reporting (check the bottom right of the page), it must be true that Coack K eats kids.

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Coach K eating kids has become so accepted that it was not the #1 basketball story this weekend. That was George Mason. As everyone knows by now, a bunch of kids from Baltimore and PG County Maryland who were not heavily recruited, if at all, have knocked off three former National Champions on their way to the Final Four.

Since the child eating picture was so successful in helping to defeat Duke\, I figured that I would help Mason by trying to determine if that deranged Eddie Munster clone who coaches Florida does the same.

Eddie, I mean Billy Donovan's response was as follws:
I’m Eddie freaking Munster I will eat whoever I want

And guess, what its true....go Mason (let’s hope this thing works twice)

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In just one more sign that Deadspin has the best tourney coverage anywhere, last week they linked to Mighty MJD Sports Blog which found a Wichita State Shockers cheerleader actually throwin’ up the shocker.

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Another amazing blog if you like going overboard with insane photoshop and gif.s (also the first blog I know to host the Coach-K-kid-chomping) has now outdone themselves by finding this link to the the 5 stages of grief with Adam Morrison (via Losanjealous), with the final stage of grief being acceptance (who knew Morrison had a cameo in Happy Gilmore)

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The only link I’ve seen in the last few days that was funnier than coach K chomping on children was the hubbub surrounding a community sighting of a diminutive leprechaun -- somewhere in the South. Be sure to watch for the artists rendering of the leprechaun and the in car interview. Here is the movie presented without comment. JUST WATCH IT

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In religious news, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is once again poised to rule the universe as he has a book hitting the streets this week and a large feature story in USA Today. Maybe Fairfax has a universal church of the FSM and that is the secret to Mason's success.
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Finally, according to Double Viking, Jessica Alba wants more challenging roles.

I've heard that a "lesbian stripper" is among the most complex and ultra-challenging portrayals on the big screen, maybe she should take on that monumental challenge.

Back that azz up

2006-03-23T10:25:00.000-08:00

WEEKEND NEWS
Last weekend was huge. Starting with the NCAA tournament on Thursday and ending with my 2 day hangover after Saturday night’s party.

Now THIS was a party

At least it was a party for me until 11:30 when I decided to take a break from the madness and hang out between two dumpsters for a little while. Thus leading to my first, and hopefully last ever, two day hangover.

Apparently, and according to Spoony's paparazzi footage this, is, my, favorite move, the reverse attack with back slap seems to have been employed many times, who knew. But it cant compete with their favorite move.
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SPORTS

How great was the On Demand March Madness from CBS Sportsline last week. I was able to watch almost all of the tournament games from my desk and the On Demand program even had a “Boss Button” which minimized the game, muted the sound, and brought a spreadsheet up onto the screen. Good times.

The hated Duke, however, took out my Colonials in the second round of the tourney. Coach K is evil and, get this, Coach K eats pieces of shit like you, and kids, for breakfeast, just watch his eyes closely in this picture.

Also if you notice during this week’s Duke games, there will be multiple coach K recruiting violations…I mean commercials starring coach, which should be recruiting violations. Check out this video of some of the lost commercials
(Also check out the napolean dynamite cartoon starring NC State football coach Chuck Amato, called "Chuck Dynamite" at the bottom - its freaking high-larious)

The rest of the tourney should be great, as long as we don’t have to endure anymore Aplebees freaking shrimp sensations commercials about a three hour tour, a three hour teewwwer. The repetition of that commercial alone is reason enough to get tivo and learn how to fast forward.
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ARTS - music, movies

I was a huge fan of Clipse first album, and I need to pick up their underground mix-tape, despite the fact that all they rap about is slinging coke.
The amazing title of this review perfectly sums up the Clipse:
"Two cold-blooded rappers who insist they deal drugs. A lot." - what a great title. They really do want you understand that they sell drugs, a ton of drugs, for a lot of money, no really they insist, it is what they do, believe it.

I was weary of the Dave Chappelle block party movie as it seems to be mostly concert footage and those types of movies can get pretty tedious. But after reading these reviews I may have to pick up the DVD when it comes out.

Is there any reason my IPOD tells me that I have listened to the Josh Rouse song "Givin' it up" 20 times in the past week. The new album is not his best but that song has been stuck in my head for days and I can't stop playing it.

Why don’t the judges in any of my cases ever quote Billy Madison
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FRONT PAGE

Bush is scared of a redonkulous religous question.

The first questioner at a recent and rare Bush press conference aksed

"Author Kevin Phillips... makes the point that members of your administration have reached out to prophetic Christians who see the war in Iraq and the rise of terrorism as signs of the apocalypse. Do you believe this, that the war in Iraq and the rise of terrorism are signs of the apocalypse? And if not, why not?"

Here is the ABC news account of his response “Bush was taken aback.”

"Hmm," he started. "The answer is I haven't really thought of it that way," he continued, to laughter from the audience. "Here's how I think of it. The first I've heard of that, by the way. I guess I'm more of a practical fellow."

Then he goes into his standard war blah blah blah talk.

Now watch the question and watch Bush weekly try to form a response. You can cut it off after his first sentence unless you wanna hear more rambling on ...terror...iraq...al quaida..evil...etc...etc.

Anyways, why is this the first time Bush has ever thought of this... it would be the first time that “I” have ever thought of this but I am not a born-again fundamentalist who really believes in this nonsense and Bush is supposed to be one of those people, and yet he laughs at the question.

I know my first response would be... “Are you crazy? NO, I don’t believe it is a sign of the apocalypse, I don’t even believe that the “end of days” is around the corner or that a biblical storm will envelop the globe. I don’t believe the bible literally.” It looks like Bush wants to say that too, he certainly laughs at the question, but it is nervous laughter so who knows what hes thinking. Either Bush knows that being a fake born again christian warrior is the way to win supporters to his side, so he has to lie and say “I havent thought of that,” OR what...what is the other option?

The well-rounded, Romington Post edition

2006-03-13T08:53:00.000-08:00

SPORTS SECTION

This was a huge weekend for sports, especially with NCAA selection sunday

The GW Colonials got screwed. In the three years I attended law school at GW we never even got a sniff of the big dance, but after making the tourney last year (only to be ousted by eventual final four team, GeorgiaTech) I thought this might be the year they make some noise. GW had a great regular season compiling the best record in all of college basketball. Yes, Gdub had a soft schedule but you would think that only two losses (and one without star center Pops) would earn them higher seed than the dreaded 8 v. 9 matchup against a solid team – and possible second round matchup with the hated Duke. So thanks to one lousy loss to Cheney’s gimmicky Temple team, GW drops from a probably #4 seed all the way into the 8-9 game and will have a killer time even making it into the sweet sixteen

Now to the other big local teams. You can easily make an argument that Maryland did not “deserve” to make the tournament, but they surely deserved it over some of the other teams that got in. Maryland had one of the most difficult schedules in the nation, they beat tournament teams in BC and Arkansas, and they finished .500 in the ACC, after having to play the stud teams Duke, BC, and UNC twice.

I would argue that Maryland clearly has a better resume than another local favorite, George Mason. Mason lost to Hofstra TWICE in the past two weeks and plays in the CAA. I will still root for Mason though, because they start five guys from Maryland including John Vaughan, from my alma mater - Laurel High School.

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The other big local sports news was the start of free agency and the annual domination of free agency by the Skins. Just a couple days in and the Skins have already signed Randle El, Brandon Lloyd, and Adam Archuletta. If the Skins had a legit quarterback, I would be totally on the bandwagon and predicting Super Bowl. Gibbs has handed over the offense to Al Saunders from Kansas City, and now with two highly paid coordinators on each side of the ball, Gibbs just needs to sit back and pray to the spaghetti monster (or whoever it is he prays to) and let the high priced coaches and players do all the work. Gibbs seemed over his head in his first year back in the league but now he can just pull a Bobby Bowden and let the assistants do all the work. Maybe Saunders will even have Randle El quarterback the team a few plays per game, every time I saw that guy throw in Pittsburgh it was a TD. While Randle El is getting all of the hype this week, I think the Lloyd signing is huge. Watch these videos and you can see that the guy may have the best hands in football

First one amazing catch and then a full highlight reel:

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Finally the Wizards spanked the best team in basketball again and Im hoping that the win over the Pistons gives the team plenty of momentum goin into the final 25 or so games.
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FRONT PAGE - POLITICS

As I predicted two weeks ago, the Dubai ports deal has worked to hurt Bush in the only area where he had any shred of credibility left - national security. Now the republicans have turned on Bush and shot down his deal. Bush is a lame duck, and his redonkulously bad policies are hurting him in every single area of government and public confidence.

The race is wide open for his Republican successor in 2008, and the early favorite has to be McCain. McCain is heralded by the press as a maverick, renegade, and a whole bunch of other stupid ass macho terms that have very little to do with the current Republican government in Washington. In actuality, McCain is not a moderate who has gone against Bush on many issues, but instead a by-the-books Republican who will toe the party line whenever it is to his advantage, but who plays well in the media.

For an expression of this non-renegade-ness Paul Krugman of the New York Times directs his readers to voteview which ranks McCain "as the Senate's third most conservative member." That is conservative as 80 muggs.

Now that we know he is conservative, here is Mcain last week at Southern Republican Leadership Conference completing his non-maverick status by kissing up to King Bush:

Senator John McCain of Arizona offered a full embrace of a president he has quarreled with over the years--Mr. Bush defeated him for the presidential nomination in an acrid campaign in 2000--as he urged Republicans to rally around Mr. Bush in a difficult time and to focus on the midterm elections ahead....

The session culminated with a straw poll of delegates.... McCain [requested] that his supporters cast write-in votes for President Bush, as a show of support for the president....

The extent of McCain's embrace of Mr. Bush was striking.... McCain went so far as to condemn the collapse of the port deal, saying that Congress had served Mr. Bush poorly by not permitting a 45-day review of security concerns, though he did not mention that the deal was sunk by fellow Republicans.

"The president deserved better," Mr. McCain said.

So McCain is a Bush-loving ultra-conservative Republican hack, some maverick. Oh well, at least if he wins we will have a President who I have at least one ounce of respect for.

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TRAVEL SECTION - CARS/GADGETS

Via fimoculous, this
is the slickest Ipod-car integration I have seen yet.

Also in car-gadget universe may not be long before we have google earth in the car...double true

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ARTS SECTION

COMEDY
So David Cross is in a war of words with Larry the Cable guy. Larry the Cable guy can write actual words?
Isnt that like getting in a war of words with that guy from Life Goes On.

MUSIC
Just got the new Drive-By Truckers album and it is very very good. More on this later.

BOOKS
I plan to start reading Freakonomics soon. In the meantime my new favorite author-blog gets into a online debate with the writers of Freaknomics.

In another article on Gladwell’s website, he examines yet another book I am interested in reading.

In "Everything Bad Is Good for You", Steven Johnson proposes that all of the television, movies, internet websites, and other crap that I talk about on this site actually make us smarter than those who simply study and read books all the time. It is actually a fascinating concept.

Gladwell on the Johnson book, and the smartening up of some of today’s pop culture:

To watch an episode of "Dallas" today is to be stunned by its glacial pace--by the arduous attempts to establish social relationships, by the excruciating simplicity of the plotline, by how obvious it was. A single episode of "The Sopranos," by contrast, might follow five narrative threads, involving a dozen characters who weave in and out of the plot. Modern television also requires the viewer to do a lot of what Johnson calls "filling in," as in a "Seinfeld" episode that subtly parodies the Kennedy assassination conspiracists, or a typical "Simpsons" episode, which may contain numerous allusions to politics or cinema or pop culture. The extraordinary amount of money now being made in the television aftermarket--DVD sales and syndication--means that the creators of television shows now have an incentive to make programming that can sustain two or three or four viewings. Even reality shows like "Survivor," Johnson argues, engage the viewer in a way that television rarely has in the past

Or you could forgo all of this complicated and interesting television and watch "According to Jim" with Evan.

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An open Letter to Tahj Holden (go Terps, beat BC)

2006-03-10T13:14:00.000-08:00

Dear Tahj,

Im sure by now you have read THIS POST.

I did not intend for the post to reach such a large audience, but evidently it has. In fact, the post is now the number 8 google hit for Tahj Holden, the number ONE google hit for the apparently-common misspelling Taj Holden, and every week a number of people stumble across the post in a search for your name. Therefore, given the amazing frequency that all guys “google themselves” (girls often google themselves too, they are just too embarrased to talk about it publicly) the chances are very high that you have also come across this post at some time or another.

This open letter is merely an attempt to state that it was all written in good fun. If you are offended by the post, don’t be. If you think that people on the internets are simply mocking your pickup style, then you are right, but hey ask these internet people if they even have a pick-up style (I don't know how you would track these readers down in order to survey them on their pick-up style, but as I've said in the past I'm not that money with internet skills). Also, remember the age old maxim - any publicity is good publicity (See - Hilton, Paris). Seriously, everyone mocks Tom Cruise’s style and look how many hot ass chicks that crazy mutherfucker picks up. It just so happens that you are seven feet tall and he is five, so it is much easier to spot your moves in action. If you feel that the post mocks you for no good reason, just relish in the fact that people are actually still writing about you, and this may bring you ever closer to DC-Baltimore-area celebrity status and lead to a whole bunch more of the pictures that you seem to enjoy so much.

In other words don’t send any of your Seven foot tall friends, who may still live in the College Park/DC area, to hunt me down. In fact, tell those friends of yours who are still on the UMD team to forget about me and concentrate on beating Boston College tonight, so that the Terps can make it back into the NCAA tournament once again. Any anger at the Redonkulous Linker should be taken out tonight on the Boston College Eagles.

Thank you for your time and consideration, and if you have any questions please do not heisitate to contact me.

Sincerely,
The Redonkulous Lnker

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P.S. If Tahj sends his gigantic peeps after me I wil call my personal bodygaurd....the Juggernaut, bitch

Cant think of a title...Oh well, Snakes on a Plane

2006-03-05T19:31:00.000-08:00

I hope You Tube sticks around but I fear, as do others, that it may soon go the way of napster.

First they cracked down on Lazy Sunday, next they took away the autistic bball movie, damn those copyright laws. They better not crackdown on the Krazee-Eyez Killah episode

Thats right You Tube has the entire Krazee-Eyez Killah episode from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Probably the greatest sitcom episode in cable history.

Catch it now before HBO pulls the plug.

Like every other you tube video, open the browser, pause the movie, minimize browser, wait a while for it to buffer then WATCH AWAY.

You Tube is really user friendly and has left Google Video in the dust.
Only good movie I’ve seen linked to on GV lately is this student film detailing the dangers of actually obeying the law and going 55 or under

Speaking of Lazy Sunday, I'm not sure why they pulled Lazy Sunday from YouTube when it looks like they are going to start doing an almost identical rap parody every week in hopes it gets passed around the internets. This week it was Natalie Portman gangsta rapping and screaming "fuck all night"
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Ok so now Guardian is going to start charging for the Ricky Gervais podcast. This is bullshit. What a great podcast it was. If you saw me sitting alone with headphones and laughing like an idiot on the metro or at lunch now you'll know what I’m listening too.

I Guess I will have to find some other podcasts to replace it. Since I have told you about the Music, tv shows, movies, and books that I am down with, here are some of my favorite podcasts, like you care: Gervais (brilliant), Lost official podcast (geeky I know), Morning Sedition (sadly cancelled now that Maron is gone), Penn Gillete show (one amusing libertarian/atheist), Peter Rosenberg show (great mix of hip hop & liberal politics), the Junkies (idiots are very funny),
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Deadspin lovingly mocks adult kickball and asks if there is an adult league for Smear the Queer.
I don’t know if there is such a league, but if there was the Donkies would dominate.
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One of the best political writers on the internets, Matthew Yglesias, has a personal blog in addition to his political blogs, where he often discusses sports from an intelligent perspective.

This week the great political writer links to a two part email exchange between a great sportswriter Bill Simmons and a great writer in any genre, Malcolm Gladwell.

Gladwell a writer for the New Yorker addresses a number of interesting sports topics including Isiah Thomas and the Knicks, Moneyball, Jake Plummer, Kwame Brown and his baseball meltdown, in his two part discussion with Simmons.

I especially liked his description of the “baseball meltdown”is where he describes how a sport he once loved became shattered when he realized his Blue Jays are competing in the same division with the super-rich Yankees and Red Sox and therefore not competing at all. I had a simlar baseball meltdown in 1996 or 1997 after my orioles lost in the playoffs and then decided to stop spending, and I realized that the sport is all about those who spend a lot vs. those who don’t. Thats not a sport its shopping

Gladwell on the meltdown:

"It came after the Blue Jays (my team) won the second of their World Series titles. Economic reality hit, and they basically stopped trying to compete at the top level, and I wondered to myself: Why do I care so much about a sport where some teams have $200 million to spend and some teams have $20 million to spend? I know, I know -- as Rob Neyer and others point out -- that there is no necessary correlation between payroll and success. It is possible, as "Moneyball" reminds us, to win with less by being smarter. But the point is not that if you have more money than someone else you automatically win more games. The point is that if you have more money that someone else you're playing a different game than they are. Wal-mart is not competing against mom-and-pop corner stores. They're in a different business. And it isn't fun, at the end of the day, to watch a mom-and-pop compete against Wal-mart. It's painful and pointless.
I loved "Moneyball." I thought it was one of the best books of the past decade. I think it should be taught in psychology classes and business schools as a treatise on the subtle effects of bias on expert decision-making. But do you think that Billy Beane, for a moment, wouldn't trade his situation with Theo Epstein or Cashman? To me, the hard cap in football -- and, to a lesser extent, the soft cap in basketball -- are what makes those sports so interesting. It's what makes them sports. Contests where one player has significantly more resources than another are not sports. They are marketplaces. To root for the Yankees or the Red Sox is the functional equivalent of rooting for Microsoft or General Electric. No thanks."

Agreed. 100%.
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The previous conversation caused me to do some more research on Gladwell and I found that he has a new brilliant blog - which I instantly added to my google reader and google customized homepage
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Be sure to check the comments if you wanna see my stream of consciousness live blogging of the Oscars...it is long rambling and incoherent...but it is in the comments, so dont complain

Still I would by lyin', if I said it wasn't easy

2006-02-27T15:57:00.000-08:00

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I finally got around to watching the final 5 episodes of episodes of arrested development, and the show was damn funny. I say “was funny” because the show is now cancelled so that network telvesion can make room for more stellar shows like Two and a Half Men, My Two (and a half) Dads, Three Men and a Little Dad, According to Jim/Dad, and Yes Dear.

The best character from that show, at least from this season, wins the award just based on name alone -– attorney Bob Loblaw.
Loblaw revealed to me through the magic of DVR that me maintains his Bob Loblaw Law Blog. And guess what people, there really is a real life - Bob Loblaw Law Blog.

Robert Loblaw’s actual law blog is not all that exciting, but it is real and it is amazingly bob loblaw’s law blog. Have I said that name enough yet?
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For those of you who think that the Linker has no heart, I have watched this video about 200 times in the past week. So there, I do have a heart.

What an amazing story. An autistic high school student who manages the basketball team is allowed to go in and actually play at the end of the teams final game, and then he hits 6 straight three pointers. I guess they should have used him earlier. The story could bring a tear to the eye of even the most jaded hipster. I don’t think I made 6 three pointers in two seasons of intramural basketball in college.

UPDATE: It looks like CBS is attempting to make YouTube scrub its site of any posting of the CBS autistic basketball player story. Everytime YouTube removes the video, someone else posts it again, so keep checking.

UPDATE 2: The CBS video has been taken down from the site, but CNN videos are popping up and they have a version of the story which is just as good, but without interviews with his parents.
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I cringe at the thought of linking to college humor for anything other than videos of student bodies (get it) and drunk idiotic frat guys kicking the shit out of each other, but this post regarding IM away messages actually made me chuckle.

I have to agree that the standard: “I am away from my computer right now,” has to be the laziest and most pointless exercise in all of internet communications. Why even take the time to take two clicks and post that away message when you are walking away from your computer. Isn't much better to have no away message at all. If you insist on putting up an away message then write something, anything. Every away message brings up that little yellow notepad that induces people to check on what you are doing and then it reads "I am away..." What the fuck? Why even waste time putting it up if you dont want people to know what you are doing, then just dont put up an away message and your name will fade to a lighter shade. Even if you are not the best or most creative writer I would think that you could find the wit to post "lunch" “sleeping,” or “finding more ways to be unoriginal.”
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If you are at all a fan of alt-country, and I can never get enough of the stuff, you have to check out the Aquarium Drunkard.
First of all, great name for a blog -- I too am an american aquariam drinkerSecond, it is the most amazing music blog I have ever seen. From the blog radio on the right margin to playable songs throughout the blog, it is like a jukebox of amazing rare songs that can travel with me wherever I go. Just like "You tube" lets you play video within a blog, this website allows you to play his selected songs in the page just by pressing play. Badass. Now I just need to figure out how to make them all play consecutively, as opposed to restarting each song each time.

The music on the blog contains all the usual suspects from my music collection. If you are also into the same altcountryiffic, rocksnob, pretentious, slightly boring (if you ask others), but amazing music that I listen, then you should check it out. The most recent posts, as of today, include songs from the incredible Gram Parsons tribute album, Ryan Adams, Wilco, Alejandro Escovedo, and all of the crap that I dig so much.
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Sarunas Jsdlkjsldakjscus is a beast of a point guard, and is apparently friends with Von Wafer and Charlie Villanueva on friendster
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How many times can Gilbert Arenas do this? Judging by the number of times it has played on my computer and tv since last year’s playoffs - a lot. YES!! Dont look now but the Wizards are playing better than any other Wizards/Bullets team that I can remember.
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And now for what some consider to be the boring, wackjob-liberal, dull, political portion of today’s post. If you are bored by political content and/or hostile towards people who use the words progressive, or “and/or” then you can simply stop reading at this point.

Godfather of the conservative movement, William F Buckley, in the conservative rag that he founded states “One can't doubt that the American objective in Iraq has failed. “

So it has finally come to this. Now everyone agrees with those crazy Michael Moore liberals and Jack Murtha, that we need to get out and are doing more harm than good over there.

In other recent Bush administration news, Bush’s deal to sell management of some of our biggest internaitonal ports to the UAE, without a sufficient security check, may have collapsed, as politicians from both parties have moved to block this move by the Bush Administration. It turns out that the deal may have been just another attempt to satisfy the Bush's big business cronies, and possibly at the expense of our national security.

Well those two "new" facts (not new to me) 1) that our Iraq policy has only succeeded in bringing out more terrorists and creating a better meeting place for the terrorists, and 2) that our willingness to protect national security is actually second to helping big business cronies of the President -- finally shatter the finaly MYTH of GWBush. Wow, Bush is not the strong president whose tough stance on terrorists and national security is the only option for making our contry safer? You mean he’s not actually making us safer?

If you are still a conservative then that is your choice. My only question: Why are there still Bush supporters. Anyone? Anyone?
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Comments welcome as always. Those new people who claimed to be RDL fans this weekend, comment away.

That's why I mess with you Xzibit

2006-02-23T12:44:00.000-08:00

Everyone knows I love RSS aggregators, and anything that helps me from having to open the 30 blogs I read each day is great. So I was hunting around on Digg and I stumbled across a google feature that is even cooler than google reader, and just about as cool as My Yahoo. It is a way to personalize your google homepage

Now I can embed my new gmail account into my homepage and surround it with a ton of my other bookmarks. Good stuff.
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So SCG asked for some suggestions on American TV to download... Gotta go with The Boondocks. Check out this clip, guest starring Samuel L Jackson and Charlie Murphy and watch Sam Jackson go all Pulp Fiction on the gangsta. Click on the small play button at the bottom to watch it within this window.

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Imoan found an example of the spaghetti monster breaking into high fashion in Paris (with Fry Guy). It looks to me like this is no joke. The FSM is spreading everywhere
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Many people saw Bill O'Reilly get bitchslapped by David Letterman of all people but how many people saw badass Steve Colbert take on Conan and take no prisoners.

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Best Winter Olympics summary ever
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Destination Donkey (blog in the works) points out that the Donkey family actually has a family crest. Allert all donkeys to this.

“The name Donkey is derived from the Gaelic personal name "Donnchad," which means "brown warrior.”

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Ok so Cheney was either drunk when he shot that guy or as Franken said, a horrific asshole.
Let me recap, first Chenery sent out his people to blame the victim and claim that it was the guys own fault that Cheney mistook him for a bird, and stated that their was absolutely NO alcohol involved.

Then we learn from Cheney that “I had a beer at lunch.” Riiiight.
Will has been known to have "one beer" and has had similar results. Check out his opinion.

Next we learn that Cheney did not go to the hospital or call the President after shooting they guy, BUT instead after the accident occurred, "the vice president fixed himself a cocktail back at the house."

As for drinking directly after the accident, it seems that experienced DWI lawyers will tell you that that is exactly what you are supposed to do if you are ever involved in an accident after drinking, that way if you get interviewed or tested you can plausibly claim that all the alcohol in your system came AFTER the incident and not before.

So this is a guy who has had two DOCUMENTED DWI’s and was reportedly kicked out of Yale for drinking and who has ADMITTED to drinking before AND after the incident, claims it was a routine hunting accident. Yes seems to me like a routine drunken hunting accident.

Can we all just agree that he was drunk, or that the one beer he had at lunch was about 80 ounces. By refusing to go to the hospital and instead goin back to drink he has establised that he was either drunk, an evil prick, or a drunk evil prick.
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Maybe Cheney needs a drinking buddy that he cant hurt if he decides to shoot him.

Red Baron is not just a pizza?

2006-02-14T10:02:00.000-08:00

RSJ and SCG’s friend Signal to Noise, points out a high-larious looking book about one man’s quest to read the entire encyclopedia and then show his knowledge off at cocktail parties and various other social settings.

Little does the author know that this stunt was attempted about 9 years ago by my college roomate. The encyclopedia reader became so enthralled by the portion of the volume on the Red Baron that he purchased a scale model of the fighter plane and placed it on his dresser, where it sat for a few months next to an empty 40 of Mickey's Ice. No joke, this guy, in college would get drunk.....and read...from an encyclopedia set prominently displayed in his room....and then from other books on the Red Baron and other fighter pilots. Meanwhile, the rest of us in the house would simply pound some Natty Lights, and then head for the ultimate Red Baron, only about .99 cents at Kroger.

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The best show on television right now is "Off to War" a documentary style show on the Discovery Times Channel. It is a real-life behind-the-scenes look at an Arkansas National Guard Unit stationed in Iraq. The show follows around a few members of the unit as they travel back and forth to Iraq serve as targets for the crazy ass Iraqi insurgency.
It is impossible to watch this show and not feel sorry for the guys who probably signed up for light weekend duty with national guard to earn some extra cash and are now forced to drive around in non-secure Hummers and got shot at every single day. The show is truly amazing as it follows normal routine jobs turn in to all full-scale gun battles and the camermen keep shooting the entire time.

Every night these guys go out on patrol without sufficient body armor in shoddy old hummers. Then after watching how poorly we protect our soldiers I come into work and about once a week see this stupid ass car parked right outside my office window once a damn week.

WORST....VEHICLE....EVER... right outside my window

AND LATER THAT DAY I CAPTURED EXACTLY WHAT I THINK OF THAT FAKE TANK WITH THE RUSH PICTURE SITTING OUTSIDE OF MY OFFICE

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Speaking of people being shot, everyone knows the Vice-President shot another Republican while out hunting this weekend. According to Keith Olberman of MSNBC these are the most accurate computer simulations of what occurred, and they are amazing. Here are some computer enhanced I will spare you the inevitable one-liners that will be flying fast and furious all week, and let you know how fucking stupid this activity is

According to many sources, the hunting trip was just like many that Cheney participates in, in which he shoots hundreds of STOCKED birds, at exclusive private clubs. These are pen-reared birds that were never wild that are released only so that Cheney and others can shoot them. How fucking stupid is this:
"The activity places a spotlight on an increasingly popular and deplorable form of hunting, in which birds are pen-reared and released to be shot in large numbers by patrons. The ethics of these hunts are called into question by rank-and-file sportsmen, who hunt animals in their native habitat and do not shoot confined or pen-raised animals that cannot escape.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported today that 500 farm-raised pheasants were released yesterday morning at the Rolling Rock Club in Ligonier Township for the benefit of Cheney’s 10-person hunting party. The group killed at least 417 of the birds, illustrating the unsporting nature of canned hunts. The party also shot an unknown number of captive mallards in the afternoon."

Ok let me see if I can grasp the stupidity. The most powerful people in our country....with bad hearts and a medical team standing by...running around in fake army gear...in the woods...with high powered rifles....and with 78 year old men.......pretending to be shooting at wildlife..... but shooting at already captured animals and each other. What the fuck? That about sounds like the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard about in my life. I really dont understand.

Ok, on second thought I am not going to spare you the one liner. I sifted through a Dkos thread to find some of my favorite comments, some factual some hihg-larious.

Don’t forget to tip your waitresses, I’ll be here all week. They are funny BECAUSE they are TRUE.

Cheney certainly would have learned to handle a gun in Vietnam...had he not had five deferments.

Cheney only the 2nd vice-president in history to shoot someone while in office. The first one was a also TRAITOR...
(“Call me Aaron Burr from the way I’m dropin Hamiltons”)

The veep shoots somebody and puts them in the ICU, and the news isn't reported until the woman who was hosting the shooting party calls a reporter for some obscure little texas paper? And Cheney refused to be interviewed until the next day. (All 100% true.) I do recall that the VP has a DUI history. Two DUI's on his record. (That's two that we know about.)

"Guns don't shoot people, Dick Cheney shoots people."

Scalia went hunting with Cheney a few months ago....Scalia has no reason to be afraid...I don't believe cheney uses silver bullets.

Old Repulbican pitch:
Give us $200,000 and you get to go hunting with Dick Cheney.
New Republican pitch:
Give us $200,000 OR you get to go hunting with Dick Cheney.

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If I know you and you have competed in the luge, you are automatically the best person I know who has ever competed in the luge.

I prepared this long rant about how much the winter olympics suck ass, but it doesnt appear to be needed. At the Bottom Line on Friday night, as G and I were parked at the bar watching the Wizards tear up Lebron and the Cavs, some clown kept requesting the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics. Are you kidding me? The only thing as bad as the opening ceremonies are the actual winter Olympics themselves.

I was prepared to draft my spiel about how half the countries in the world don’t even have a chance to compete in these winter only games because their climates are too warm, how these so “called” sports are not really even sports, about how stupid it is to throw three guys in a metal sled and time them going down a hill and then call it the “bobsled.” And then I read some other opinions and everyone agrees.

Nobody who is a sports fan the rest of the year watches or even remotely cares about the winter olympics. They are irrelevant, so I will spare you the long rant about curlers and lugers (loogies? Lugies?)
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The single funniest message that I received over IM in the past week has to be this: “yo can i send something to read over.... it is for myspace the about me section and i need and honest assessment"

I really don't even know where to go with this. Someday we will all look back at this time and say, what the hell was that all about?

If I ever get around to creating a myspace profile I want a hacked out spread like this guy, too bad I got no skills on the intranet and cant design shit for the interwebs
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Does this article now mean that I can afford a house inside the beltway.
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Final thought, but vitally important , why do people use chopsticks to eat asian food? I don’t get it. Is it like wearing a khaki vest when going on a disney safari? Is it so that the wait staff does not look down on you? Is it more fun? Does it make the food taste better? More on this later...Im starving.

Poker in the rear ......... I got a frush

2006-02-09T12:33:00.000-08:00

This past Saturday I headed up to Northern Pennsylvania...well actually New Market, Maryland.... for an old schoolers poker tournament. The fourteen person poker tournament was organized by Copsey, so in addition to the old school Laurel people, we were also greeted by Copsey’s wonderful neighbors from Fredneck, and it made for an interesting dynamic.

Despite not having much poker skills I made it from the initial 14 contestants into the final consolidated table. While I may not be an expert at poker, I am very skilled at shit-talking and that was enough to get me to the final table. I may have made it farther but the game was abrubtly halted at 6 people due to a rumble. It all started when the nice and civilized tables were abrubtly consolidated with our drunken shit-talking table

To learn more about this royal rumble, and the rest of the night, please read Copsey’s very own personal recap below, for some reason written in the third person.

Joe requested to have his own recap posted on this site, and I have complied, although if you wanna know how the whole brouhaha ended just look at the final picture on Spoony’s website.

Copsey’s Poker Party (by Copsey himself)

The planning started two months in advance in order to get 20 individuals to come out to Fredneck for what would be a Texas Hold’em Tournament. With complaints of distance aside, the gas tanks full, tires rotated, and oil changes completed the day was here and the dollar sign filled eyed poker players were on their way to a distant place venue, the Copsey’s House.

All planned to arrive at 5 but with traffic (on a Sat), and the attempt to put 20 souls together for any event someone was bound to be late. Subsequently it was a neighbor that lived next door who held up the show, go figure! However, those who arrived on time or early were greeted with the smells of Copsey’s want to be famous chili, (aka “Getting the Kids all lubed up to go to the pool chili”) and Amy’s delights of Taco Salad, buffalo chicken dip and other house favorites; deviled eggs, and of course chocolate chip cookies.

Downstairs there was plenty of beer, 40’s of Mickey’s Ice & MGD, (could not find Old English up in redneck country) and after all it was all in celebration of the old days and in honoring Joe Summers 30th Birthday. With three tables set to play, the 14 players that made it drew numbers to determine where they’d sit….. with numbers drawn and people settling in, the tourney started at 6:30, not bad for a start time of 5pm!

With 14 players slinging cards and very little chips being bet at the beginning the night started out great…..the food was good, the beer was flowing and the cards, well, let’s just say they weren’t as nice to everyone! A break every hour and a blind raise people were plump, saturated and seasoned poker players…. Now……..Four hours into the night……. The Heil-hooffer (real last name) brother’s Jeremy and Todd on table 1 were throwing them back….. Jokes galour where coming from Chris and Scott, because well they were having a tough time keeping play going, Summers threw a shot or two of SO CO and lime in their for his birthday and some individuals were feeling IRIE. Needless to say the mood was set and all were doing fine…. Country and Pookey were chillin….. Jason had arrived, darts were being thrown…the ladies were still hanging on table 3, and well table 2 had only two players left.

The Summer’s family had knocked out Derek, Spoony and Dan’s clock and were now awaiting their next opponents. To be fair the coveted NASCAR hat came out and two numbers were placed in the hat for the Summers to choose. Joe went to table 1 and Karen to table 3…. Then an interesting dynamic formed!

Apparently, Todd didn’t like the fact that Joey was coming to his table, “with twice as many chips as I’ve got, it’s not FAIR”, (whiney ass)……. But oh yeah, that is how Texas Holdem is played we have to join tables in order to have everyone playing, right? NO SHIT!

But there’s more background to stage, there was a mouse in the house, Joey had one the last tourney at Copsey’s house and his brother Jeremy had told him all about it. That Joey, he the “best poker player I’ve ever seen”, and to watch out for him. Todd took that way to seriously instead of wanting to figure out a way to beat Joey he thought it was a huge injustice Joey had to play at his table… “It’s not fair!” Todd couldn’t understand the competition, the fact that the tables had to be formed in order to keep the night going….basically he was too damn drunk to spell his name T-O-D, uh? D, you dumbass…. “D”…….

Roll tape!

Though the tape shows the first of many out burst by Todd, the night was still young and table 1 hadn’t played a hand in an half an hour! Copsey was getting restless, annoyed and wanted people to get over it so he stepped in to calm Todd down, play a game of patty cake to explain things (watch the tape again) and resume play. After all, playing poker is about manning up, re-strategize to stay in the game, SHUT UP, PLAY CARDS and take what SHIT people throw at you!

After the time and what the video portrays all seemed well. A couple of misunderstandings, (to be expected in playing poker with that many people) then a shot of So Co and lime as a peace treaty among parties involved…..and Dan (mediator) was sittin back soaking it in….. Scott of course was cheering them all on, “I’ll take your money”, “keep taking shots”! Country was standing guard! Berube and Karen had now knocked out Marissa, Naomi and Copsey, and were on to join table 1. Another cash table was getting starting with Derek, Copsey, Naomi, Jason and Spoony; things were running efficiently again and the cash game got to there fourth hand when there attention was distracted to table 1, go figure, that damn table was so needy all night! Damn Drunk Heil-Hoffenheiserschnitzer brothers! “His name is my name too….. Whenever we go out, we get drunk and shout, there goes Todd, Jeremy always talking shit, la la la la la la la la la!”

Well, things started to get interesting Berube went all in and Joey called……..Joey won the hand and Berube was beat…… but Berube wanted Joey to count his chips first before he left the table because Berube being the ACCOUNTANT that he is wasn’t satisfied with Joey’s “ I got it covered” in the amount of chips comment. Berube counts all day, he counted playing each hand, he counts when he’s drunk he counts in his sleep, next time Joey count the damn chips! However, in Joey competitive fashion refused to count and he started grabbing chips, Berube got pissed, a few “You’re the Dick at the Table, not the two retarded brothers” comments came out plus a couple of “Assholes” and “F- Yous” went into the pot along with Berube’s chance of taken home $450.

Berube went outside to break his quitting cigarette smoking campaign and now with Berube’s comments Todd jumped back in with that, “It’s not fair” bullshit….. remember we went through this an hour and half to two hours ago, and Copsey was done listening to that shit and we were all well over with that nonsense! Obviously the game was interrupted with discussion and Jeremy got into it to back up his brother with Joey, he got up to take a piss, went over to say something to Joey, put a hand on the shoulder, and that was it!

Joey threw an elbow, grabbed Jeremy by the shirt pushing him back about 10 feet. Scott and Copsey were in the middle of it as always and the girls were screaming…it was quite “the scene.” Joey and Jeremy were separated; Country made sure everyone knew he was there and the biggest mo-fo in the house said a few words to Jeremy and Bre (Jeremy’s wife), got her all upset, Amy jumped in and told Copsey everyone had to go! Well, what else is there to say, at that point everyone had to, well, GO!

Copsey kept his cool the whole time….if he would have lost it the cops would have showed up….. and now being that 70 percent of the room was approaching 30 and white, we are all to old to have to explain to the cops why, “Poker, $$$$$$, 40’s, feeling IRIE and the guy who’s birthday we were celebrating was fighting, at 1am” didn’t make us look like complete hoodlums……………Copsey just doesn’t have those skills anymore…………..but hey…………… Nuttin but a Gangsta Party!

Copsey said, “Amy will send out an Evite to the next poker party in a few months”, and the next time she hosts, she will be wearing a blue jean skin tight jump suit, quarter sized hooped earrings, and be fresh from getting her hair and nails did! She expects the rest from you hoochies out there and all the fella’s, you best come correct!

Peace from behind the fredneck projects!

Russ Feingold for President

2006-01-31T11:05:00.000-08:00

(I love posts that are totally unrelated to their titles)
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I know I say this a lot, but they definitely did not have anything like this when I went to JMU.
We did not even have internet access in our dorm rooms and now they have online all-JMU swimsuit calendars and jmu cribs episodes downloadable in every room. That is progress.

Some JMU traditions, however, never change -- the beer pong rules posted on JMaddy are almost exactly the same as they were during my first trip to the 'burg in 1994.

With all that time and practice, I don’t see how someone from JMU did not win this beer pong championship worth $10,000.00. GUH. That’s right, TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS for freaking beer pong. I need to start training again.

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I joined a new indoor soccer league on U Street/Columbia Heights, and the tiny gym makes it seem like a combination of soccer and air hockey, but there is an even bigger problem with the old-school gym. I believe I am quite possibly allergic to the asbestos or other hazardous material growing in the run-down dungeon they call Cardozo High School. It may be the killer mold hiding in that place but a little research shows that it may be a ... mercury leak....nice.

Anyway, the RCR better watch out because after the games our team often heads to the league-sponsored bar Wonderland. I hope RCR's hipster haven is prepared for an influx of patrons who actually play sports and do things other than proofread and edit blog posts and comments. It all starts innocently enough with soccer teams and soon enough the dreaded kickball teams are also lurking in Wonderland amoung the beloved hipsters. Looks like the cool crowd better quickly find a bar in an even shittier neighborhood, maybe there is a wonderland offshoot in Southeast or Fallujah.

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In the last post, I passed along Chuck Klosterman’s warning that anyone wearing a snowman T-shirt can (and will) immediately sell you cocaine, now I find this report of a brilliant kid who wore his snowman t-shirt TO his criminal trial. I wonder if the judge bought any.

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Soooo, you been workin on your book, huh? You know, that novel you've been writing? Got a nice plot and some interesting characters.

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Chris McCray was suspended from the Terps for failing to meet academic qualifications. I guess he got a little less out of that P.G. county education than I did. The terps are gonna miss his tenacity and defense but they get to insert a more powerful offensive force into the starting lineup Mike Jones, who?, Mike Jones, who? Mike Jones.

Looks like we coulda used Gilchrist for another season. After all, he is tearing it up over in Zion.

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The thigh-master linked to this video yesterday of what he called skins fans being skins fans. It seems to me like its more like Skins fans doing their best impersonation of Eagles fans.

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Breaking news. Being cold CAN cause you to catch a cold. Scientists have determined that being cold can lower your resistance to viruses and therefore being cold can cause you to catch a cold. Those who still claim that only viruses and not cold weather can cause a cold are only hyper-technically correct, in the same sense that being drunk and stumbling around in traffic does not cause death, it is only being hit by the cars that make up the traffic that causes the death. Stumble around all you want and you will not die unless a car hits you. Same theory. Although being cold does not cause you to catch a cold, it increases your chances of catching one, just as being drunk and stumbling around in traffic increases your chances of being hit by a car.

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TV notes:

1) Thanks to the video Ipod, I now believe Lost is the best show on Network television, but something needs to happen already, time to start advancing the damn plot again JJ.

2) 24 is not a very good show. I don’t want to hear it. Don't try to defend it. It;s just not that good.

3) I have become addicted to Docday on Sundance and DVR about one documentary per week. Here are a bunch of the great documentaries that I’ve seen recently (and their subject matter).

Control room (Al Jazeera), Year of the Bull (High School Football),The War Room (B.Clinton Presidential Campaign), Stoked: the Rise and Fall of Gator (Pro Skater), Super Size Me (McDonald’s), The Corporation (corporations), Telling Nicholas (Death and 9/11), Hoop Dreams (Illinois High School B-ball), Spellbound (The Spelling Bee), Roger & me (Michael Moore), Startup.com (e Companies), Gunner Palace (Iraq War), The Trials of Henry Kissinger (HK), Unprecedented - The 2000 Presidential Election (The Stolen Election), Bush’s Brain (Karl Rove), A Perfect Candidate (Oliver North), When We Were Kings (Muhammed Ali), Do You Believe in Miracles? (1980 U.S. Hockey Team), Howard Zinn - You Can't Be Neutral on a Moving Train (Zinn), Standing In The Shadows of Motown (Backup band for Motown’s hits), Franken vs O'Reilly (Dumbass O’Relly), The President versus David Hicks (Australian Taliban Fighter), Gigantic -A Tale of Two Johns (They Might Be Giants), Left of the Dial (Air America), Born Rich (Trump’s kids), The Show (Hip Hop), Hype! (Seattle grunge music), Dare to Dream('99 US women’s soccer team).

Let me know of any other great docs out there that I need to tivo.

Video killed the internets star

2006-01-19T08:49:00.000-08:00

The Chuck Norris facts sent around by Tricky Dick last week have been taking over the internets the past couple weeks. Here is Mr. McDonkerton’s personal favorite.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more
pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Now we have confirmation that Norris read his own facts from his own website

And in even more awesome video news, we have Tony from “Who’s The Boss” reading the Chuck Norris facts out loud TO Chuck Norris... BRILLIANT

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Best goal ever video.

With the Skins, Zards, Terps, and United all on my viewing schedule, I think I have filled my quota for local sports, but if this guy Ovechkin keeps doing amazing things like this GOAL, well then I might have to actually start peeking in on some Caps games again. Ovechkin appears to be the real deal, and seriously this is the most amazing hockey goal I have ever seen. You HAVE to watch the slow motion replays once the live action is finished to realize the nastiness that he pulled out --- The Big O dekes, crosses over, switches to his backhand, gets dragged down, moves the puck above his head, and with his back to the goal and the puck over his head while sliding, pushes a nice shot pass the goaltender - SICK.

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You Tube is a great place for finding these videos. Ovechkin, Chuck Norris, and now this. With Donkies soccer #1 finishing undefeated in the regular season and facing Team Val in the playoffs, I found this video of Team Val practicing. It is the favorite move of their golatender.

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Even more strange videos.

Fimoculous, one of the first blogs I ever became addicted to, points to this amazing performance involving the son of Mr. Seaver (growing pain’s Alan Thicke) and rapper Lil’ Wayne performing on the Leno show. A New York Times article has called this the next viral internet video phenomenon after the Chronic of Narnia

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Fimoculous has also pointed me to this badass Klosterman article explaining the significance of the snowman shirts made famous by present cultural icon and role model, Young Jeezy.

Sadly, Rusche's words ring true: 100 percent of teenagers who wear these shirts are addicted to cocaine. Moreover, anyone wearing these shirts can (and will) sell you cocaine, assuming you address them with any of the following coded phrases:
a) "Chatter on the interweb suggests there shall be a little frost on the pumpkin this Halloween."
b) "I own the Eagles box set."
c) "Know what I hate? Eating food."
d) "So, are you the dude wearing the snowman T-shirt who is selling everybody cocaine?"

Im going to get a Buffalo Bills shirt tomorrow

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Now google also has its own video purchasing site, with more fun content to load on my ipod. Just further proof that google will soon rule the world. Here is more proof, rooftop advertising explicitly designed so that it may be seen on google maps.

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Finally in boring political news which most of my 5 readers skip at the end of thse posts -- It seems that the mean mean Democratic Senators made Sam ScAlito’s wife cry. Oh well, the whole country should have cried when he got nominated. Basically the guy wants to take away your rights if you are a woman, a brown person, or not a millionaire... which I believe covers every person I know.

Despite this, the media continues to cover the crying game, and I think Atrios said it best

Oh jeebus.
...I appreciate that Alito's wife may geuinely find this stressful and bummer for her, but I just can't stand the fact that our media which can't seem to understand that people who support groups which try to reduce women an minorities on campus, who rule in favor of warrantless searches of 10 year old girls, who will likely declare the uterus state property, who shoot down almost any racial discrimination claim, and who support the practice of striking jurors based on their race might cause a few tears as well.
The media keeps declaring these hearings to be just political theater, and then they focus on the soap opera.
This. Shit. Matters. Pretend you care, or get new goddamn jobs.

Flying Spaghetti Bandwagon

2006-01-09T21:02:00.000-08:00

This weekend I wore the Redskins/FSM shirt again, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster did not disappoint. Despite a woeful showing by Mark Brunell. . . the efforts of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Coach Janky Spanky, and the Skins Defense combined to defeat the Bucs and move the Skins one step closer to greatness. Never was the Flying Monster of Pasta needed more than in this latest battle. Somehow his noodly appendages managed to knock two crucial Simms passes into the hands of Redskins linebackers and direct a bouncing pigskin straight into the arms of Spitter Taylor who carried the rock across the goal-line for what turned out to be the winning score.

(Are they twins?)

The efforts of the Flying Spaghetti monster were only matched by the superstar pictured above, Jacob. No, not Taylor Jacobs, he does absolutely nothing (especially with a hobbled Brunell) but I mean Jacob Summers son of Joe and Karen. Since he was born and returned from the hospital a couple months ago, the Skins have yet to lose. Thats right, every weekend that that kid has worn his Skins gear the team has emerged victorious.

Jacob S. and the Spaghetti Monster, that team cannot be stopped.

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The only DC news that could rival the skins victory was the coming of Abaramoffukah.

This is an event that has the potential to far surpass even Fitzmas on the grand destruction of the GOP scale. While Fitzmas only nailed Scooter Libby and is well on its way to Karl Rove, The greatness that is Abramoffukah may ensnare a whole shitload of republicans. What a great holiday season. Oh and don’t let anybody tell you that this is a bipartisan scandal. Abramoff only gave money to Republicans, helped start the K Street project to have only Republican lobbyists hired, and has never given a dollar to a Democrat.
So republicans - its all on you.

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My representation of the music business may begin with Sparky’s Flaw.
If you are tired of the mopey indie rock that I usually point to on this blog and wanna hear some actual fun and still talented musicians check out the Flaw.
They are a kickass college band that will soon become a kickass major label band. Add these fools to your myspace account, download them from itunes, and help me find some DC venues for the band to play.

I am looking to throw a bash in March starring Sparky's Flaw so lets find a location.

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And for absolutely no reason, here is a photo of a tuxedoed man holding a sewing machine in front of a crashed UPS truck. Huh?

Pre-Holidays Donkiness

2005-12-23T12:25:00.000-08:00

In a huge victory for reasonable people, a Pennsylvania Court ruled that Intelligent Design cannot be taught in science class, because it is just religion in disguise. No shit. Churchy finally gets smacked down.

The Judge, however, declined to comment on the Flying Spaghetti Monster, he knows better than that to mess with that mutha.

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Yes I have been dumped over the instant messenger in the past. In fact, I have been given the “maybe we should just be friends” over IM, while an adult. It is very embarrassing, I know, but at least I can take pride in my response” “I already have enough friends.” Anyway, at least I never got this kind of news over the IM, or in any other manner, “you’ve got mail....and an STD”

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Ok a rumored Donkies trip to the homeland of a few soccer Donkies, just got a little more interesting.

Bolivia has elected as its leader, Evo Morales, of the Movement towards Socialism, trouncing his nearest rival for the presidency, the pro-US Jorge candidate by 20 points.

This is where it gets interesting, the socialist

Señor Morales, used to lead a coca-growers’ union, and has promised to legalize the cultivation of coca, the primary ingredient in cocaine — to the horror of the US, which has pursued a big coca eradication effort in Bolivia in recent years. Bolivia is the world’s third largest producer of cocaine.

So an-anti US President who is pro-cocaine, good times. The long-rumored Donkies trip to the homeland would be a bit insane.

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The real life inspiration for “Turtle” from Entourage passed away a couple days ago.

This sad news is is doubly sad due to Turtle’s real nickname
“Carroll, 39, who was known as “Donkey,” collapsed in his fiancee’s arms Sunday night. He was rushed to the hospital but died in the emergency room.”

Gotta pour out your 40's this weekend for a fallen Dooonkey.

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With all the fantastical Chuck Norris stories makin the email rounds this week, it is time to remind everyone that nobody has more random fascinating facts than Vin Diesel. Just keep refreshing to learn new exciting facts. Refresh away.

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Google Maps Is The Best, True that, Double True.

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Finally on this holiday weekend I leave you with Santa’s very own cribs episode.

Songs of Love and Healing

2005-12-14T14:20:00.000-08:00

It just so happens that the baddest rappin reggae superstar on the planet right now is a hasidic jew from NY. The guy’s name is Matisyahu and he tears shit up. Click on his site and watch the live video of “King without a Crown” and you may be amazed.

Also, I learned from reading the Upstate Life that Matisyahu will be rockin the 9:30 club on Christmas day. Now doesn't that sound better than Chinese food and movie.

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Speaking of rap superstars, apparently much of the violence in rap is due to the fact that rappers stay up too late. No more partying until 6 in da morning will supposedly do wonders for their surly demeanors.

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Continuing with the music theme, Imoan just put up her best of the year music list. Spoony better watch out becuase much of what she plans to listen to in 2006 is that weird indie stuff that us odd people enjoy: "Arcade Fire, Death Cab for Cutie, Kanye West, Gorillaz, Rilo Kiley, Bloc Party"

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If your lookin for more yearly lists, Fimoculous has become the one stop shop for tons of these year end lists.

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Sunday was the greatest tivo-filled day ever. Never has a twin-tuner DVR been more useful. It all started with the 1:00 NFL games and my fantasy team FC Donkeys (obviously) battling for the final spot in the fantasy playoffs (we won). During those games I also recorded and watched the Maryland soccer team playing for the NCAA National Championship, and saw an exciting game down to the last minute (MD won). Next came the Skins game at 4:00 with the Redskins battling to keep their playoff hopes alive and needing a huge special teams play to pull it out (Skins won). At 6:00 came the Wizards battling the Miami heat in Shaq’s first game back from an injury. Gil Arenas and Caron went nuts, as usual, and the Wizards took the heat into overtime before losing due to some fantasy foul calls against Shaq (only loss of the day). Finally, in the 8:00 nightcap, the Maryland basketball team had a huge ACC face-off with the sixth ranked team in the nation and ACC newbie, Boston College. Maryland got huge games from Ikene Ebekwe and Mike Jones (who?) and beat down the number six team in the nation for the fourth win of the day. Overall, my DVR went 4-1 on the day and I logged about 12 hours of couch time. What a day.

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Finally, I havent forgotten about you Rove. Consider this my monthly reminder that Karl Rove is still under suspicion and an indictment may be looming. Lets all hope for a white mothergrabbin’ Fitzmas this year.

Waiting to Derail

2005-12-08T12:53:00.000-08:00

R.I.P. Waitless
Today I received an exclusive email from Carl S. Becker sent only to frequent grubbers, informing me that the venture capital fund who kept waitless alive was backing out and that my lunch time is forever altered. Now I am like every other regular schmo in the Golden Triangle who has to wait in 3 mile lines at the Greek Deli, or crowd with 50 other people inside of the Well Dressed Burritio. When waitless was operational, I could simply order AND pay online, skip to the front of the lines and grab my food already on the counter, and roll. Now I am forced to order, pay, wait, and stand around with every other office schlub. Good thing I got that video ipod. One thing I wont be doing, however, is waiting in the mile long lines for the bland sandwiches at PotBelly ,which are no better than the thousand other delis within 3 blocks of my office. Oh well, waitless you will be missed.

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So ,this girl got 50 Cent and Aerosmith to play at her bat mitzvah.

Hey, Mark Gans had his bar mitzvah in beautiful Greenbelt Maryland, while the Detroit Pistons were staying there to play the Bullets the next night, and I got to stand with John Salley in an elevator. Close enough right?

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I take back my earlier pornouncement of "Holla Back Girl" as the worst..song...ever, I agree with this Slate article alleging that “My humps” surpasses everything in terms of pure shit-factor.
"So awful it hurts the mind".. "It's not Awesomely Bad; it's Horrifically Bad."... indeed.

I've been told the black-eyed-peas are catchy. Yes catchy in the same sense that a commercial jingle is catchy. I think the song that goes "Na-bis-co" might be a little catchier than "My Humps," but the masterpiece of audio production that shines well above both of these, is little ditty that goes like this: “ At Eastern Motors..your jobs your jobs your credit.” If my humps is the best selling single of all time, the composer of the Eastern Motors jingle should be pissed.
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I guess now we know why W is the first President who refuses to grant an interview with Mike Wallace. Check out this amazing answer during a Wallace interview:

Q. President George W. Bush has declined to be interviewed by you. What would you ask him if you had the chance?

A. What in the world prepared you to be the commander in chief of the largest superpower in the world? In your background, Mr. President, you apparently were incurious. You didn't want to travel. You knew very little about the military. . . . The governor of Texas doesn't have the kind of power that some governors have. . . . Why do you think they nominated you? . . . Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that the country is so [expletive] up?

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Finally in DC commuter news:

Why do motherfuckers always insist on sprinting up and down the metro escalators and in and out of metro cars. People are always in a rush to get down to the platform even when everyone knows that there is no train approaching.

A typical metro ride for me:
I am standing there on the right side of the escalator, heading down to the platform and minding my own business. I am in no rush because I know there is no damn training coming. I have this inside informaiton not because I have memorized the schedule but because I CAN SEE THE FUCKING TRACKS and there is no train on said tracks. Therefore I am content with the transportation being provided, free of charge, by the friendly escalator and feel no need to create my own momentum by running down the steps. Yet for some reason every other douchebag feels the need to come flying down the escalator steps and practically rip out my headphones, and not let the damn thing do the work for you...why? for what? so that you can get a good spot on the waiting platform? What the hell is the point of rushing down the escalator only to wait on the platform? You people need to chill the F out. "Mr. hurry down the escalator when no car is approaching guy" must be friends with this real man of genius - Mr. Arm Shoved Through Metro Door Commuter.

Gonna make me sweat-ah... in the Hot Tub

2005-11-30T11:26:00.000-08:00

The next time you want to watch a Wizards game and still enjoy the great outdoors, I suggest that you hang a white sheet over your window, use a hi-def projector to shoot a reversed image onto the sheet, and then go outside into a hot tub in order to watch the game from outside. It worked quite well.

My eyes are going crazy. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

2005-11-30T07:11:00.000-08:00

I guess I am now officially a “real whack-job.” At least according to Chris Matthews. I was watching a tivo'd Hardball a couple nights ago, and Matthews kept professing his love for the President, even saying at one point:

“Everybody sort of likes the president, except for the real whack-jobs.”

Wow....everybody?? I guess I have been looking at the wrong polls from every single news organization. I was a little taken aback by this statement, and it looks like some other sites have picked up on my feelings. Oh well, at least this cements my position in the whack-job camp.

Here I was thinking that after the Katrina debacle, the Michael Brown/cronyism misadventures, the bid to kill social security and roll back beneficial social programs, the misleading of a nation into a war or at least stumbling into war and screwing up the post-war effort, the failure to get Osama, the Harriet Miers brouhaha, the plan to kill the estate tax and lower taxes WHILE pursuing a misguided war, the homophobic attacks on those who are not like him, the horrible bankruptcy bill, the assault on beneficial stem cell research, and the general direction of this horrible administration, that others would also not “kinda like” the President, but I guess it is I who is the real whack-job.

My Best Albums of 2005 (Bloggers and rocksnobs edition)

2005-11-29T06:50:00.000-08:00

At the specific request of RockstarJoe I have compiled my list of my favorite albums of 2005. I gotta say this process is a million times easier when you have an ipod that can arrange albums by their release date, and you simply select your favorites.

If you do not like indie-rock or altCountry then you may look at this list and wonder what the fuck am I talking about. But for those of you (RSJ, SCG, etc.) who are down with this stuff, you will know what is what. Maybe later in the week I will make a list of top 10 albums of 2005 that people other than bloggers and rock-nerds would enjoy.

Anyway, here is the hastily compiled list. My Best of 2005:

1. I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning - Bright Eyes
2. Jacksonville City Nights - Ryan Adams & the Cardinals
3. Late Registration - Kanye West
4. Nashville - Josh Rouse
5. Transistor Radio - M. Ward
6. Songs for Silverman - Ben Folds
7. Cold Roses - Ryan Adams
8. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
9. Okemah and the Melody of Riot - Son Volt
10. Plans - Death Cab For Cutie
11. Z - My Morning Jacket
12. Discover a Lovelier You - Pernice Brothers
13. Wedding Crashers - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
14. Gimme Fiction - Spoon
15. Digital Ash in a Digital Urn - Bright Eyes

Finally an update....kinda

2005-11-29T06:46:00.000-08:00

Ok, I realize I haven’t updated this site in forever. I have been super busy at work and haven’t had any hours to pour into blogging. I do, however, continue to scour the internets and I don’t want this blizzog to die. Therefore, in order to keep the blog alive I will be sacrificing big quality posts for a large amount of mini-posts. The redonkulousness will no longer be as redonkulous, but I will make an effort to put SOMETHING here just about every day so that you keep checking back. So now its quantity over quality. Oh and if you thought the blog was pretty weak and without quality before, then these short posts will probably make it better for you, with less crap to read.

The Guess Who suck, the Jets were lousy anyway

2005-10-31T19:06:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened here in DC in the week since since my last post. As predicted, the DC council stepped up and thankfully allowed us to drive again after drinking.

Also the council acted to ban smoking in workplaces, including bars and restaurants, but the ban doesn’t come into effect until 2007. So in just one year we will be able to go out, drink, drive home - and not have to worry about smelling like an ashtray on when we get there. Sounds like a good deal all around.

Next big DC event: Cam'ron was shot on the east side of North Captol street. Great quote: "I got shot three times and my album comes out Nov. 22,"

In other HUGE DC news, FITZMAS was very eventful, as Scooter Libby was indicted on five counts and Karl Rove remains under investigation, so we may get weeks and weeks of Fitzmas, what a way to ring in the holiday season.

Finally, the biggest DC news of all. While old JC had a virgin mother named Madonna, the Flying Spaghetti Monster has been spotted in DC hanging with three different Madonnas at once (I was a FSM with a pimp cup, so?)

Apparently, he was spotted in Canton on Friday night and Gtown on Saturday.

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If you are looking for some good reviews, look no further than McSweeneys Reccomends, not just boring album reviews, but they reccomend everything.

Among the many wonderful things reccomended by McSweeneys, in no particular order, Refrigerating Fresh Grapes, Gilbert Arenas, the trailer to Jarhead with Kanye West’s “Jesus Walk’s”, owning your own washer/dryer, and an Edward Hopper painting. These are such solid reccomendations that I can overlook the reccomendation for “Not Driving” and my interest is officially piqued for some of the their unknown reccomendations.

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If you are worried about injuries hurting your fantasy team, you can now get actual insurance. Someone shoulda told me that before Deuce went out for the year.

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I'm thinkin about finally breakin down and getting an Ipod. I think the brand new big jounks with video capabilities looks like the way to go. If anybody knows how to get a discounted new generation ipod, let me know.

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If you wanna know why I don’t update this blog enough, it is because I have been billing an mildly insane amount of hours at the job. If you want to know why I haven’t been billing a totally insane amount of hours, it is because I am addicted to the internets. Not just the good stuff on the internets but anything on the internets. In the middle of an important assignment at work, I can be distracted for hours at a time by the mere presence of a broadband connection.

As an example of just how these random intranets lure me in, allow me to recap one of the most random, but far too common mis-adventures in my internets history. This journey all occurred while I was drafting an important motion at 8:00 p.m. on a Thursday. You can skip everything within this set of asterisks if you are bored by non-sensical ramblings regarding a stream of conscious journey through the interwebs.

OK so here is my recap of 30 random minutes on a Wednesday night. While working away, I am listening to a song by the Weakerthans. The chorus of the song repeatedly states “I hate Winnipeg” and at the singer cries: “the Guess Who suck, the Jets were lousy anyway.” This line makes me stop working and wonder whatever happened to the Winnepeg Jets, and where the hell is Winnepeg in Canada, and how did they even have a professional sports franchise, and what happened to the autographed puck that was in my bedroom at home. Thats when I fire up google and the distractions begin.

First I google Winnepeg and discover that the lead singer does not actually hate Winnepeg but it is a literary device where he speaks as others in the song. Damn Canadians and their literary devices. At this point I have learned enough about the song and should get back to work but, despite the fact that I am on a deadline, I plug Winnepeg into google Maps to find out where the hell it is. I soon discover that it is a couple hours north of Grand Forks North Dakota, which is a couple hours North of Fargo. Now I know nothing about any of these places except that it snows a lot in Fargo and apparently people get put in wood chippers (or at least in Coen brothers movies). But now I feel compelled to figure out how big Winnepeg is and how they could support an NHL franchise.

I locate the main Winnepeg paper and go immediately for the sports section. The first article is a blockbuster story about female curling championships in Winnepeg and I remain confused about the town. The next story is on the local Canadian Football League team which was destroyed the week before, 44-1.

At this point I really need to get back to work but there is one item in the story that wont let me go. THEY SCORED ONE POINT??? I know it is Canada but how can you score an extra point without the touchdown? After minutes of furious searching I find an online debate about the Rouge or “single point” that exists in Canadian football.

“If the ball is kicked into the goal area by an opponent, a rouge is scored (1) when the ball becomes dead in possession of a team in its own goal area or (2) when the ball touches or crosses the deadline, or a side-line-in-goal, and touches the ground, a player, or some object beyond these lines.”

In other words, in the Canadian Football League any kicked ball that goes out of the endzone results in one point for the kicking team. This shit is freaking crazy, screw the deadline on my motion, I must learn whether you can punt the ball out of the endzone and earn a point.
I must learn more. I keep reading and yes, it applies to any kick including a punt, field goal, or kickoff. At this point, with my mind sufficiently blown, I pull up my Word Perfect document and continue doing the work I get paid for. Oh you glorious internets, why must you tempt me with your hours of diversionary fun. Does anybody else get sucked into the internets in this way?

I said a Banana Nutrament, man. Not a glass of wine.

2005-10-17T19:43:00.000-07:00

Apparently the cops in DC have now decided that you can be arrested if driving after one glass of wine. That shit is redonkulous and needs to be stopped. Thankfully some associates of mine are working with a friendly DC Council member to get a new law proposed very very soon.

And if you think cops cracking down on people who have one drink is bad, the FBI is actually diverting people away from homeland security to crack down on parno. And they are risking our homeland security not to bust kiddie parno, but the kind made by and for consensual adults according to the W.Post. The FBI has actually started an "anti-obscenity squad" that has been described as "one of the top priorities" of Bush crony Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales. ((I think a lot of the policies of this administration are obscene but I have no squad to stop it. ))

((True story involving a very bad joke on this item: I actually overheard James Carville say to Tommy the GM at the Palm [how is that for name dropping] “The FBI created this squad because they are looking for weapons of mass erections.” Why does he remind me of quagmire....giiiiggity .))

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An attorney at my previous firm has an autographed picture of Dick Cheney smirking on his bookcase. Everytime I walked by the thing I couldnt help but cringing, and I always thought the guy’s eyes were following me around the room. Well this may be the sweetest revenge on that damn photo. Cheney himself may be targeted by the Prosecutor in the Valerie Plame leak case. Cheney, Libby, Rove, Frist, Delay, Abramoff -- ohh please dont make it stop.

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After hours of CNN, MSNBC, and Discovery Times - I still love me some trash-reality tv, so is there anyway I could resist a Kill Reality Director’s Cut DVD. If this animal is ever offered on my RCN pay-per-view on-demand there is no doubt I would purchase.

I mean how can you resist watching reality "stars" like the Real World's Tonya and Trishelle participating in coke fueled orgies while getting dumps taken on them by an idiot named Johnny Fairplay. I’m all over this thing.

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Internets Geekiness alert. Skip ahead to the next line of asterisks to avoid the geeky goodness.

RSS aggregating is the bizzomb. If your blog, website or news-service doesn’t have RSS capability, I probably don’t read it. I use the live bookmarks on firefox constantly, and I also use “My Yahoo” to aggregate all of my blogs and websites into one readable place. Now Google, in its continuing quest to take over the world, has added the Google Reader.

I know, with My Yahoo and live bookmarks, it seems like I have no need for Google Reader but it has some advantages over My Yahoo - so guess what - I use them all. You can never have too many portals to the internets, and it keeps you from having to check all the sites every day. How else would you know when some big brown guy who rarely updates his blog tatoos an obscure Simpsons symbol on his arm.

Google Reader is a little different from My Yahoo because it takes all of your websites and puts the full posts in one place to read without clicking out, and then puts the postings from all of the sites in chronological order from newest to latest. Therefore I can be reading stories from national blogs like huffington post and see a story on Donkies soccer jump up to the top. It takes a while to get all the sites loaded but about one full day after loading it up, you can simply go to the Reader homepage throughout the day, and the newest posts from all your favorite blogs pop right up. As of now, My Yahoo is still the best for me, but once I get google reader totally figured out, it may take the cake.

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Ever since I made the Flying Spaghetti Monster the mascot for my fantasy football team, the FC Donkies, the team has seemingly been cursed. The injuries started piling up quickly: my #1 keeper (deuce) - out for the year; 1st draft pick (cadillac) - injured & out again; 2nd draft pick (h.ward) - injured and out; 3rd draft pick (a.johnson) - injured and out; Next RB taken (duce s.) - hasn’t played all year. I thought the FSM was trying to get back at me for something, but then he took my team of backups and led them to another victory this weekend, so the FSM is still pasta-riffic.

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Apparently FSM is watching over the other Donkies teams too, as they keep rolling along. Donkies football in 1st place . Donkies soccer in 1st place. Donkies kickball in the final four.

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The following is a direct quote from a personal love-letter sent from our newest Supreme Court nominee to Dubya, while Dubya was governor of Texas:
“You are the best governor ever.”
HAHA. I don’t know what kinda judge she will be but this sure proves her blockbuster ability to (not) judge people.

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These DCist maps are pretty tight. They have basically taken Google Maps and imbedded each metro station onto a map of DC. Once there, you can put in your own location-points onto the map and then save the map as a web page - and link to it with a simple URL. Money.

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The beer looter that I analyzed a few weeks ago now has his own homepage. There are some messed up photoshops on that mugg, but I think with Deuce McCalister injured and out for the year I may need him in my backfield.

Oh man with looter guy in my starting backfield I will NEVER lose. I bet he will make the pro bowl for the next 20 years. Looter guy would run right over the Burger King/Deion and take it to the house every time.

Like a coin that won't get tossed, Rolling home to you

2005-10-05T15:50:00.000-07:00

Three hot rumors today. My interest level in each of the three sadly shows that I may be turining into an old man with old man interests.

1) Nick and Jessica are rumored to be split, but this is quickly denied by their publicists. Big shocker, Fox news rushed to report without confirming. Not terribly exciting news, but hey its a good rumor.

2) Later in the day word comes down that a Britney sex tape will be hitting the streets imminently. Now this is a little more like it. There aren’t too many guys I know who wouldn’t wait in a long line, or at least in a queue on BitTorrent, to peep the Britney flick. Hell, five years ago peeps woulda been shelling out tons of cash for just a black and white, night-vision, paris-hilton style Britney flick.

3) But for some strange reason it is the third unsubstantiated rumor of the day that got me the most excited.

"The D.C. Rumor mill is thrumming with whispers that 22 indictments are about to be handed down on the outed-CIA agent Valerie Plame case . . . we have a bit of advice for Rove: Go with vertical stripes, they’re way more slimming."

Wow! This is the news that this blog has been awaiting for months and months. I have no idea if this is true on Rove, but oh please oh please oh please let it be true.

But what about my ranking of the rumors? IS it strange? Old man take a look at my life I'm a lot like you.

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Well, since my last post the flying spaghetti monster has struck again.

One game after guiding two hail-mary’s into the arms of Santana Moss, the FSM directs a Seattle Seahawks FG straight into the left upright and CLANG. Then 5 minutes later he guides a kick from our Maryland rook straight down the middle as I watch on from the 5th row. The Redskins win again, all hail the power of the FSM. (Meanwhile, Gibbs admits to missing the final kick while he was on his knees praying. I’m sure the spaghetti monster would have allowed him to watch that kick, you don’t have to close your eyes to pray to your Pasta-master coach Joe)

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The other big news since my last post: Bush was forced to pick a replacement on the Supreme Court and reached out to much respected and esteemed jurist....no wait, he picked his close friend and personal lawyer. Hahaha.

Conservatives all over the internets are hitting Bush harder than even us liberal communist frenchies, so I will let them have their fun

George Will:
“her nomination is not a defensible exercise of presidential discretion to which senatorial deference is due.” The Miers appointment risks "reducing the Supreme Court to a private plaything useful for fulfilling whims on behalf of friends”

Rod Dreher:
“I fully expect that if Justice Stevens retires, President Bush will nominate his dog Barney to fill that vacant seat. After all, who can a man trust to be loyal more than his dog?”

Ponnuru from NRO:
It's an inspiring testament to the diversity of the president's cronies. Wearing heels is not an impediment to being a presidential crony in this administration! I can only assume that the president felt that his support was slipping in this important bloc, and he had to do something to shore it up.

What they have to realize is what I believe Americablog said best
“You vote for an idiot, and big surprise he makes idiotic decisions.”

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If you're heading to Saint Ex be sure to keep the collars down

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Lastly, I’m thinkin about rasterbating something for my house

I think this would look pretty tight, what do you fools think?:

Holden on to those college years

2005-09-22T17:37:00.000-07:00

All apologies to Tahj Holden. Tahj is a stand-up individual and knows how to take a joke. If all current and former student athletes had the professionalism of Tahj, the NCAA would be much better off.

Joe Gibbs and the Ragu Festivale

2005-09-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

"The thing I want to say to everybody (is that) it wasn't Patrick, it was me," Gibbs said of the QB change from Ramsey to Brunell last week.
What? It’s not you it’s me? I invented the it’s not you it’s me.

So Gibbsy installs Brunell who, as predicted, plays like the worst qb in NFL history for 3.88 quarters. But then all of Gibbs' numerous prayers must have been answered at once, as the Flying Spaghetti Monster reached his noodly appendage through the hole in the Texas Stadium roof and directed two TD’s into the hands of Santana Moss and the Skins beat the Boys for one of the most baffling but sweet victories in recent memory. They always said the hole in that stupid stadium was so that God could watch, I bet they didn't know the FSM was also watching.

Gibbs must have prayed extra hard once the California Courts banned the Pledge of Allegance. One Nation under the spaghetti monster with liberty and the Hall of Justice for all.

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In other sports news, Rock Star Joe recently pointed me to this money new sports blog from the Gawker family, which in turn points me to this high-larious gallery of Bronson Arroyo with some freshman girl who they describe as most definitely not his wife

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Someone must fight for the rights of beer pong

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Ok so this is one of those scary looters that all the stupid fuckers were soo worried about? A 73 year-old, diabetic, church-leading, grandmother, with some food in her car. Yes, throw her ass in jail immediately.

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Hope you enjoyed yesterday’s talk like a pirate day

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We all know that girls love Donkeys. But is the trend spreading to farmgirls nationwide. Dooonkies.

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First the Onion comes out with its razor parody and says “fuck everything we are doing 5 blades.” And then gillete turns parody into reality and actually does it.

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I watched "The Flight that Fought Back" last week, and when the passengers beat the crap out of the terrorists with a beverage cart, some boiling coffee pots, and a fire extinguisher it is a sweet victory.

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Fresh from guiding the skins to victory, the prophet of the noodly one grants an interview

"GM: When did you know you were the chosen Prophet for the great Flying Spaghetti Monster? Does He still speak to you?
BH: I had of course seen spaghetti several times throughout my life, but it wasn't until He revealed Himself to me and touched me with His Noodly Appendage that I knew I was Chosen. Does He still speak to me? If by that you mean "Do I hear voices in my head?" the answer is yes. Further evidence that He is near me abounds. I oftentimes find that I have made mistakes in my day-to-day activities. These, clearly, are the work of a mischievous Flying Spaghetti Monster, tampering with my work with His Noodly Appendage, purely for his own amusement."

There's no structured narrative. No neat story-line to explain.

2005-09-14T07:23:00.000-07:00

Anybody want to hear some in-your-face comedy from a shock-jock type crazy man, then DO NOT go to the Todd Barry show at the Improv this week. This laid-back “medium energy” comic is funny as 8 muggs but he is not gonna jump around like a clown for your amusement. If you wanna hear a self professed “blogger friendly” comedian who rips on me for loving the new Wilco album, then Todd Barry is your guy.

A bunch of donkies(eys) will be at the Thursday night show if anybody is down.

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Speaking of comedians, with Ron and Fez off to XM radio, WJFK is auditioning a bunch of people for the night-slot. This week we are getting Colin Quinn and Nick Dipaolo, and they have already stated that they want to stay in DC at that spot. Even though Colin Quinn continuously trips over his own words and his monologues on Tough Crowd were sometimes cringe-inducing as he stumbled and bumbled, these are a couple of funny-ass dudes and I hope they are here to stay. Plus could you ever have enough veterans of remote control around? I think not. Where is Kari Whurer?

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Krazy Katrina Link of the day:

The wonderful citizen who yelled “Go Fuck Yourself Mr. Cheney,” twice, to Cheney’s face, on national TV, has started his own website. Hurricane Katrina Sucked Dot Com. He is an emergency room doctor who had his home ravaged in the hurricane.
You can see his comments to “Mr. Cheney” here and here .

If you are thinking that it was innapropriate to use those words in front of the vice-president, I direct you do Cheney’s comments to Senator Leahy.

According to the Washington Post, the exchange ended when Cheney offered some crass advice: "Go fuck yourself." The Washington Times put it this way: "Cheney...responded with a barnyard epithet, urging Mr. Leahy to perform an anatomical sexual impossibility."

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Google has released a beta version of its blog search
Obviously it still needs some work, because a search for “Donkies” does not reveal the Donkies family of blogs as the top results. No love for the first place Donkies football team, first place Donkies kickball team, first place Donkies fantasy football team, or second place Donkies soccer team. Between all of those teams there are only 2 losses.

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The definitive guide to summer 2005 weddings. I only have about 4 more to hit up this summer.

Song #5-

"Oh What a Night, Late December 1963: Frankie Valley and the Four Seasons.
This is by far the biggest wedding song mystery to me. How did this stupid, not particularly danceable song about a teenager losing his virginity in the winter work it’s way into the rotation of nearly every wedding I have ever attended? Baffling."