Third Kickball Recap
Here is the 3rd kickball recap, I'll post the earlier recpas later in the week. In case you cant tell from the recap, that last team had a really fucking annoying guy.
Well it has been over three weeks since we last heard from the RHCK/Donkies. If you think this lengthy period of silence from the once confident rookie team reflects a downturn in the Donkies’ fortunes, then in the immortal words of poet/philosopher Curtis Jackson a/k/a 50 Cent, “you better axe somebody.” Since our last report the Donkies have solidly thumped one opponent, narrowly defeated a second opponent, and kicked the ever-loving crap out of a third opponent. That is a perfect 3-0 record if you’re scoring at home, or even if your just home alone surfing for internet schmorn.
The only game of the three that had any real drama was the narrow victory over the Bayside Tigers, but not even a roided up, jheri-curled, mullet-sporting AC Slater as pitcher, could have prevented Michelle from scoring the winning run in that Donkies victory. Next came the blowout victory over the Ball Busters where Ari and Dori proved that the Donkies have plenty of players capable of pitching shutout innings (and also proving that the Donkies have many players with funny rhyming names). The blowout victory over the Ball Busters, although the single greatest margin of victory in the league this season, wasn’t the sweetest of all because the BB’s are a generally cool team. Even though a few of the Ball Buster ladies successfully pulled off the “we are just innocent little blonde girls who don’t know the rules, could you please ref for us trick” (How could you fall for that Gerard), they easily redeemed themselves by buying pitchers for the Donkies’ refs and hanging late into the night. Also, they did not even complain when Spoony (no relation to Ari or Dori) decided to drill a kickball into the back of one female ball buster, because he was deeply concerned with losing the 20 run lead. While that game was fun, the sweetest victory of the three game sweep came in the recent thumping of the Snoochie Boochies.
Never before has a Kevin Smith line been so degraded as when Snoochie Boochies was selected as the moniker for the Boochies. But, to quote another K. Smith line “There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?.” To understand why this victory against a team of mostly cool players is considered the sweetest victory, it would help to familiarize yourself with the medical condition known as the “infected taste bud.” An infected taste bud occurs when a teeny tiny taste bud on your tongue swells to 2 to 3 times its normal size, and annoys the crap out of you for days at a time. This almost microscopic taste bud becomes more annoying than anything that small or unimportant should ever be, and prevents you from fully enjoying whatever is going on, like a crushing kickball victory. Now the reason that this is relevant is because the Snoochie Boochies have the equivalent of an “Infected Taste Bud” on their roster. One little Infected Tasted Bud, or ITB, should not be able to annoy an entire team to the point where Jason wanted to punch him “in da face,” but this guy did the trick.
Now you can understand why it was the sweetest moment of the 3 game sweep, when B.Rome smacked a 2-run insurance home run straight over the head of ITB and the Donkies celebrated their already-sealed victory. Earlier the Donks had a chance to extend the lead even further, when Jim executed a perfect bunt that caused the ball to barely move. Unfortunately, the bases were loaded at the time and the perfect bunt amounted to what Dick called “the biggest sports blunder since Chris Webber's timeout for the Fab Five.” In the end, the Donkies were again successful despite the taunts of the ITB, who was almost stomped by an angered Holly during one of the more entertaining at-bats of the season. We had her back.
The only thing more annoying than playing kickball against an ITB is playing flipcup against an ITB. Kim did everything in her power to resist the Casanova’s considerable charms, a feat only slightly more difficult than breathing, and the Donkies managed to pull out a few victories on the flipcup table as well. However, the highlight of the night had to be when ace pitcher AJ threatened his own entire team with bodily injury for kicking him out of the flipcup survivor tournament, a move he still believes to be unjust and part of Richard’s sinister plot to oust him. In conclusion, the RHCK/Donkies secured another three solid victories, including an amazingly sweet victory over a team featuring an infected taste bud