Monday, October 31, 2005

The Guess Who suck, the Jets were lousy anyway

A lot has happened here in DC in the week since since my last post. As predicted, the DC council stepped up and thankfully allowed us to drive again after drinking.

Also the council acted to ban smoking in workplaces, including bars and restaurants, but the ban doesn’t come into effect until 2007. So in just one year we will be able to go out, drink, drive home - and not have to worry about smelling like an ashtray on when we get there. Sounds like a good deal all around.

Next big DC event: Cam'ron was shot on the east side of North Captol street. Great quote: "I got shot three times and my album comes out Nov. 22,"

In other HUGE DC news, FITZMAS was very eventful, as Scooter Libby was indicted on five counts and Karl Rove remains under investigation, so we may get weeks and weeks of Fitzmas, what a way to ring in the holiday season.


Finally, the biggest DC news of all. While old JC had a virgin mother named Madonna, the Flying Spaghetti Monster has been spotted in DC hanging with three different Madonnas at once (I was a FSM with a pimp cup, so?)

Apparently, he was spotted in Canton on Friday night and Gtown on Saturday.





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If you are looking for some good reviews, look no further than McSweeneys Reccomends, not just boring album reviews, but they reccomend everything.

Among the many wonderful things reccomended by McSweeneys, in no particular order, Refrigerating Fresh Grapes, Gilbert Arenas, the trailer to Jarhead with Kanye West’s “Jesus Walk’s”, owning your own washer/dryer, and an Edward Hopper painting. These are such solid reccomendations that I can overlook the reccomendation for “Not Driving” and my interest is officially piqued for some of the their unknown reccomendations.

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If you are worried about injuries hurting your fantasy team, you can now get actual insurance. Someone shoulda told me that before Deuce went out for the year.

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I'm thinkin about finally breakin down and getting an Ipod. I think the brand new big jounks with video capabilities looks like the way to go. If anybody knows how to get a discounted new generation ipod, let me know.

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If you wanna know why I don’t update this blog enough, it is because I have been billing an mildly insane amount of hours at the job. If you want to know why I haven’t been billing a totally insane amount of hours, it is because I am addicted to the internets. Not just the good stuff on the internets but anything on the internets. In the middle of an important assignment at work, I can be distracted for hours at a time by the mere presence of a broadband connection.

As an example of just how these random intranets lure me in, allow me to recap one of the most random, but far too common mis-adventures in my internets history. This journey all occurred while I was drafting an important motion at 8:00 p.m. on a Thursday. You can skip everything within this set of asterisks if you are bored by non-sensical ramblings regarding a stream of conscious journey through the interwebs.

OK so here is my recap of 30 random minutes on a Wednesday night. While working away, I am listening to a song by the Weakerthans. The chorus of the song repeatedly states “I hate Winnipeg” and at the singer cries: “the Guess Who suck, the Jets were lousy anyway.” This line makes me stop working and wonder whatever happened to the Winnepeg Jets, and where the hell is Winnepeg in Canada, and how did they even have a professional sports franchise, and what happened to the autographed puck that was in my bedroom at home. Thats when I fire up google and the distractions begin.

First I google Winnepeg and discover that the lead singer does not actually hate Winnepeg but it is a literary device where he speaks as others in the song. Damn Canadians and their literary devices. At this point I have learned enough about the song and should get back to work but, despite the fact that I am on a deadline, I plug Winnepeg into google Maps to find out where the hell it is. I soon discover that it is a couple hours north of Grand Forks North Dakota, which is a couple hours North of Fargo. Now I know nothing about any of these places except that it snows a lot in Fargo and apparently people get put in wood chippers (or at least in Coen brothers movies). But now I feel compelled to figure out how big Winnepeg is and how they could support an NHL franchise.

I locate the main Winnepeg paper and go immediately for the sports section. The first article is a blockbuster story about female curling championships in Winnepeg and I remain confused about the town. The next story is on the local Canadian Football League team which was destroyed the week before, 44-1.

At this point I really need to get back to work but there is one item in the story that wont let me go. THEY SCORED ONE POINT??? I know it is Canada but how can you score an extra point without the touchdown? After minutes of furious searching I find an online debate about the Rouge or “single point” that exists in Canadian football.
“If the ball is kicked into the goal area by an opponent, a rouge is scored (1) when the ball becomes dead in possession of a team in its own goal area or (2) when the ball touches or crosses the deadline, or a side-line-in-goal, and touches the ground, a player, or some object beyond these lines.”
In other words, in the Canadian Football League any kicked ball that goes out of the endzone results in one point for the kicking team. This shit is freaking crazy, screw the deadline on my motion, I must learn whether you can punt the ball out of the endzone and earn a point.
I must learn more. I keep reading and yes, it applies to any kick including a punt, field goal, or kickoff. At this point, with my mind sufficiently blown, I pull up my Word Perfect document and continue doing the work I get paid for. Oh you glorious internets, why must you tempt me with your hours of diversionary fun. Does anybody else get sucked into the internets in this way?

3 Comments:

At 5:39 AM, Blogger subcontinental.giant said...

That might be your best post to date...

Internets gets me everytime as well. I sat down to write an essay today and all I got was one sentence in 3 hours. However, I did learn about a new mokumentary on Comedy Central, some interesting facts about the film "The Machinist", a great site to convert Celcius temps to Farenheit, the best way to drive to Darwin Australia ( the hottest and northern most point in the country) and that the Sydney Morning Herald is looking for graphic designers to work as freelancers.

 
At 11:06 AM, Blogger rockstarjoe said...

I am supposed to be billing my time right now but instead I am wasting time on the internets by reading your post about wasting time on the internets. Circles within circles! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Or maybe reading about taking crazy pills on the internets.

Also, thanks for the link. My friend just got a video ipod, he said it is awesome. Even more exciting; supposedly there is a way to get your tivo into your ipod!

 
At 5:57 AM, Anonymous Diesel Dan said...

Good times. I can't believe there were pictures from a Halloween party and I did not even get a link. The FSM costume is fantastic by the way. Hopefully He will not affect His wrath on you for taking on his likeness, instead of dressing like a pirate.

Speaking of the wrath of dieties, TRUE story: A British colonialist who shot over 1400 elephants here was himself brought to an early demise by a bolt of lightening . . . his tombstone has since been struck twice by lightening.

If you get a moment can you ask the subcontinental giant why he never responded to my query about visiting him in Australia in December. I am no longer speaking to him.

 

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