Poker in the rear ......... I got a frush

This past Saturday I headed up to Northern Pennsylvania...well actually New Market, Maryland.... for an old schoolers poker tournament. The fourteen person poker tournament was organized by Copsey, so in addition to the old school Laurel people, we were also greeted by Copsey’s wonderful neighbors from Fredneck, and it made for an interesting dynamic.

Despite not having much poker skills I made it from the initial 14 contestants into the final consolidated table. While I may not be an expert at poker, I am very skilled at shit-talking and that was enough to get me to the final table. I may have made it farther but the game was abrubtly halted at 6 people due to a rumble. It all started when the nice and civilized tables were abrubtly consolidated with our drunken shit-talking table


To learn more about this royal rumble, and the rest of the night, please read Copsey’s very own personal recap below, for some reason written in the third person.

Joe requested to have his own recap posted on this site, and I have complied, although if you wanna know how the whole brouhaha ended just look at the final picture on Spoony’s website.

Copsey’s Poker Party (by Copsey himself)



The planning started two months in advance in order to get 20 individuals to come out to Fredneck for what would be a Texas Hold’em Tournament. With complaints of distance aside, the gas tanks full, tires rotated, and oil changes completed the day was here and the dollar sign filled eyed poker players were on their way to a distant place venue, the Copsey’s House.

All planned to arrive at 5 but with traffic (on a Sat), and the attempt to put 20 souls together for any event someone was bound to be late. Subsequently it was a neighbor that lived next door who held up the show, go figure! However, those who arrived on time or early were greeted with the smells of Copsey’s want to be famous chili, (aka “Getting the Kids all lubed up to go to the pool chili”) and Amy’s delights of Taco Salad, buffalo chicken dip and other house favorites; deviled eggs, and of course chocolate chip cookies.

Downstairs there was plenty of beer, 40’s of Mickey’s Ice & MGD, (could not find Old English up in redneck country) and after all it was all in celebration of the old days and in honoring Joe Summers 30th Birthday. With three tables set to play, the 14 players that made it drew numbers to determine where they’d sit….. with numbers drawn and people settling in, the tourney started at 6:30, not bad for a start time of 5pm!

With 14 players slinging cards and very little chips being bet at the beginning the night started out great…..the food was good, the beer was flowing and the cards, well, let’s just say they weren’t as nice to everyone! A break every hour and a blind raise people were plump, saturated and seasoned poker players…. Now……..Four hours into the night……. The Heil-hooffer (real last name) brother’s Jeremy and Todd on table 1 were throwing them back….. Jokes galour where coming from Chris and Scott, because well they were having a tough time keeping play going, Summers threw a shot or two of SO CO and lime in their for his birthday and some individuals were feeling IRIE. Needless to say the mood was set and all were doing fine…. Country and Pookey were chillin….. Jason had arrived, darts were being thrown…the ladies were still hanging on table 3, and well table 2 had only two players left.

The Summer’s family had knocked out Derek, Spoony and Dan’s clock and were now awaiting their next opponents. To be fair the coveted NASCAR hat came out and two numbers were placed in the hat for the Summers to choose. Joe went to table 1 and Karen to table 3…. Then an interesting dynamic formed!

Apparently, Todd didn’t like the fact that Joey was coming to his table, “with twice as many chips as I’ve got, it’s not FAIR”, (whiney ass)……. But oh yeah, that is how Texas Holdem is played we have to join tables in order to have everyone playing, right? NO SHIT!


But there’s more background to stage, there was a mouse in the house, Joey had one the last tourney at Copsey’s house and his brother Jeremy had told him all about it. That Joey, he the “best poker player I’ve ever seen”, and to watch out for him. Todd took that way to seriously instead of wanting to figure out a way to beat Joey he thought it was a huge injustice Joey had to play at his table… “It’s not fair!” Todd couldn’t understand the competition, the fact that the tables had to be formed in order to keep the night going….basically he was too damn drunk to spell his name T-O-D, uh? D, you dumbass…. “D”…….


Roll tape!


Though the tape shows the first of many out burst by Todd, the night was still young and table 1 hadn’t played a hand in an half an hour! Copsey was getting restless, annoyed and wanted people to get over it so he stepped in to calm Todd down, play a game of patty cake to explain things (watch the tape again) and resume play. After all, playing poker is about manning up, re-strategize to stay in the game, SHUT UP, PLAY CARDS and take what SHIT people throw at you!

After the time and what the video portrays all seemed well. A couple of misunderstandings, (to be expected in playing poker with that many people) then a shot of So Co and lime as a peace treaty among parties involved…..and Dan (mediator) was sittin back soaking it in….. Scott of course was cheering them all on, “I’ll take your money”, “keep taking shots”! Country was standing guard! Berube and Karen had now knocked out Marissa, Naomi and Copsey, and were on to join table 1. Another cash table was getting starting with Derek, Copsey, Naomi, Jason and Spoony; things were running efficiently again and the cash game got to there fourth hand when there attention was distracted to table 1, go figure, that damn table was so needy all night! Damn Drunk Heil-Hoffenheiserschnitzer brothers! “His name is my name too….. Whenever we go out, we get drunk and shout, there goes Todd, Jeremy always talking shit, la la la la la la la la la!”

Well, things started to get interesting Berube went all in and Joey called……..Joey won the hand and Berube was beat…… but Berube wanted Joey to count his chips first before he left the table because Berube being the ACCOUNTANT that he is wasn’t satisfied with Joey’s “ I got it covered” in the amount of chips comment. Berube counts all day, he counted playing each hand, he counts when he’s drunk he counts in his sleep, next time Joey count the damn chips! However, in Joey competitive fashion refused to count and he started grabbing chips, Berube got pissed, a few “You’re the Dick at the Table, not the two retarded brothers” comments came out plus a couple of “Assholes” and “F- Yous” went into the pot along with Berube’s chance of taken home $450.

Berube went outside to break his quitting cigarette smoking campaign and now with Berube’s comments Todd jumped back in with that, “It’s not fair” bullshit….. remember we went through this an hour and half to two hours ago, and Copsey was done listening to that shit and we were all well over with that nonsense! Obviously the game was interrupted with discussion and Jeremy got into it to back up his brother with Joey, he got up to take a piss, went over to say something to Joey, put a hand on the shoulder, and that was it!

Joey threw an elbow, grabbed Jeremy by the shirt pushing him back about 10 feet. Scott and Copsey were in the middle of it as always and the girls were screaming…it was quite “the scene.” Joey and Jeremy were separated; Country made sure everyone knew he was there and the biggest mo-fo in the house said a few words to Jeremy and Bre (Jeremy’s wife), got her all upset, Amy jumped in and told Copsey everyone had to go! Well, what else is there to say, at that point everyone had to, well, GO!

Copsey kept his cool the whole time….if he would have lost it the cops would have showed up….. and now being that 70 percent of the room was approaching 30 and white, we are all to old to have to explain to the cops why, “Poker, $$$$$$, 40’s, feeling IRIE and the guy who’s birthday we were celebrating was fighting, at 1am” didn’t make us look like complete hoodlums……………Copsey just doesn’t have those skills anymore…………..but hey…………… Nuttin but a Gangsta Party!

Copsey said, “Amy will send out an Evite to the next poker party in a few months”, and the next time she hosts, she will be wearing a blue jean skin tight jump suit, quarter sized hooped earrings, and be fresh from getting her hair and nails did! She expects the rest from you hoochies out there and all the fella’s, you best come correct!

Peace from behind the fredneck projects!