Thursday, December 08, 2005

Waiting to Derail

R.I.P. Waitless
Today I received an exclusive email from Carl S. Becker sent only to frequent grubbers, informing me that the venture capital fund who kept waitless alive was backing out and that my lunch time is forever altered. Now I am like every other regular schmo in the Golden Triangle who has to wait in 3 mile lines at the Greek Deli, or crowd with 50 other people inside of the Well Dressed Burritio. When waitless was operational, I could simply order AND pay online, skip to the front of the lines and grab my food already on the counter, and roll. Now I am forced to order, pay, wait, and stand around with every other office schlub. Good thing I got that video ipod. One thing I wont be doing, however, is waiting in the mile long lines for the bland sandwiches at PotBelly ,which are no better than the thousand other delis within 3 blocks of my office. Oh well, waitless you will be missed.

So ,this girl got 50 Cent and Aerosmith to play at her bat mitzvah.

Hey, Mark Gans had his bar mitzvah in beautiful Greenbelt Maryland, while the Detroit Pistons were staying there to play the Bullets the next night, and I got to stand with John Salley in an elevator. Close enough right?

I take back my earlier pornouncement of "Holla Back Girl" as the, I agree with this Slate article alleging that “My humps” surpasses everything in terms of pure shit-factor.
"So awful it hurts the mind".. "It's not Awesomely Bad; it's Horrifically Bad."... indeed.

I've been told the black-eyed-peas are catchy. Yes catchy in the same sense that a commercial jingle is catchy. I think the song that goes "Na-bis-co" might be a little catchier than "My Humps," but the masterpiece of audio production that shines well above both of these, is little ditty that goes like this: “ At Eastern Motors..your jobs your jobs your credit.” If my humps is the best selling single of all time, the composer of the Eastern Motors jingle should be pissed.
I guess now we know why W is the first President who refuses to grant an interview with Mike Wallace. Check out this amazing answer during a Wallace interview:
Q. President George W. Bush has declined to be interviewed by you. What would you ask him if you had the chance?

A. What in the world prepared you to be the commander in chief of the largest superpower in the world? In your background, Mr. President, you apparently were incurious. You didn't want to travel. You knew very little about the military. . . . The governor of Texas doesn't have the kind of power that some governors have. . . . Why do you think they nominated you? . . . Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that the country is so [expletive] up?
Finally in DC commuter news:

Why do motherfuckers always insist on sprinting up and down the metro escalators and in and out of metro cars. People are always in a rush to get down to the platform even when everyone knows that there is no train approaching.

A typical metro ride for me:
I am standing there on the right side of the escalator, heading down to the platform and minding my own business. I am in no rush because I know there is no damn training coming. I have this inside informaiton not because I have memorized the schedule but because I CAN SEE THE FUCKING TRACKS and there is no train on said tracks. Therefore I am content with the transportation being provided, free of charge, by the friendly escalator and feel no need to create my own momentum by running down the steps. Yet for some reason every other douchebag feels the need to come flying down the escalator steps and practically rip out my headphones, and not let the damn thing do the work for you...why? for what? so that you can get a good spot on the waiting platform? What the hell is the point of rushing down the escalator only to wait on the platform? You people need to chill the F out. "Mr. hurry down the escalator when no car is approaching guy" must be friends with this real man of genius - Mr. Arm Shoved Through Metro Door Commuter.


At 12:55 PM, Blogger rockstarjoe said...

I disagree on two counts:

First, "My Humps" is awful but in a most excellent way. I actually downloaded it just because it cracks me up so much. And hey, it has really done a lot for breast cancer awareness, you know?

Second, while there is nothing wrong with standing on the escalator, I like to walk them. It is great exercise going up (I'm at Adams Morgan, and the escalator is like 10 miles long). And I hate standing still on them... they just move so damn slow. I feel the same way on the "moving sidewalks" at the airport. They just help me walk quicker.

At 8:12 PM, Blogger The Redonkulous Linker said...

1) No it is not subjective. As has been stated elsewhere, it is a quantifiably bad song. It just is. Sorry. Even when mixed with Arcade Fire on the Stereogum site it is still horrific.

2)I can accept the differing opinions on metro walking. Unlike "My Humps," there is no right or wrong answer about speed on the escalator. "My Humps," on the other hand, is not defensible.


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