Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Internet? LAN? dialup? carrier pigeon? Squirrels?

High-larious story time. A couple months ago, the communications director for a Republican Congressman attempted to contact two blogger/computer experts and hire them to hack into the TCU computers and change his old college grades on the system.

Upon receiving the email request from this clown, the guys at attrition.org decided it was the perfect opportunity to mess with him, lead him along, and post all of the communications online. The “hackers” had no intention of actually following through with the hacking, but that didnt stop them from messing with the guy for weeks and PUTTING ALL OF THE EMAIL COMMUNICATIONS ON THEIR BLOG.

You must read all of the emails to get the full comic effect, but you know it will be good when in the first few communicaitons, the “hackers” tell him that phone communicaiton is bad, and emphasize the need for certain wireless networks and carrier pigeons or squirrels. By the end of the emails, the guy was stalking squirrels around Capitol Hill, taking their pictures, and sending them to the "hackers," just to show that he was serious about the endeavor.

The whole thing was picked up by technology news sites, political blogs, and various other news outlets. Some of the comments on this technology site are comic gold -- "Everyone knows that squirrels and pigeons have a protection from FBI spell cast on them, and cannot be photographed or photoshopped by FBI agents or those in collusion with them."

And yes squirrel-boy was fired last week.
In the greatest piece of writing that our law firm has ever produced, my legal assitant had an editorial published in the Washington Examiner last week that was signed by “Hugh Jazzole”. Sound it out . . .Hugh Jazzole. Here is the letter.
Hipster hotbed, Wonderland -- pretty safe
Explain why its fun to live in hipster neighborhoods again?
Patton Oswalt correctly identifies Bush and Cheney as the Duke Brothers
What a week for Agent Zero. The play of Arenas and the Wizards has allowed me to totally forget about the NFL (are the Redskins still playing?). Arenas started the week by dropping 60 POINTS on Kobe and the Lakers in an overtime win, and finished it up by dropping over 50 on the MVP in Phoenix in another overtime win. Now that is some exciting basketball, and the wizards are up to Number 7 in the ESPN poll. After the Lakers game, Kobe tried to downplay G.A.’s performance, but Agent Zero outclassed him once again on his blog
For the best player in the league to downplay what I did … I guess, I don’t know. I give him all the respect in the world. He is the No. 1 player in the league, by far. It’s like that. You don’t need to try to shadow box my 60. It was one of them nights when I was clicking and everything was going in so, I ended up having 60. That’s all there is to it.
And the best line of the post

Out of that whole game I probably took two bad shots. And, for me not to have a conscience? You’re right. When you’re an assassin, you don’t have a conscience. At the end of the day I thought he didn’t have a conscience, but I guess he does.

Every year, Rex of the Fimoculous blog compiles a gigantic list of all of the various year-end best-of lists out on the interwebs. I have poured through this year’s version and what follows is my temporary list of the year’s top eight lists from fimoculous’ list of lists. I like lists - they make for easy writing.

1. Gawker: List Blog-Media Cliches
This is a list of the most over-used cliches in blogging this year. I use all of these in my lazy writing, so I will now try to use them at once in commenting on this list. OMG. Best list ever. Thought it was gonna be a bad list, but not so much. Oy, I use all of these lazy cliches, yo. Seriously, I use every one of them. What’s next, a list of every phrase I use when speaking too. Seeing how close this resembled my own writing made my spleen bleed. Ok, I think I just threw up in my mouth thinking of bleeding spleens. This listy goodness of a list-gasm is the new black. Ok now I am finally... wait for it... done. Um, that was stupid.

2. Best Videos.
This was clearly the year of You Tube. Many on the highlarious videos on this list were obviously featured here (not first) throughout the last year, including: The Leprechaun (my number 1), Little Superstar (my no. 2), One Bank, Lady Punch, White & Nerdy, Big Tetris, to catch THE Predator.

3. Webster Dictionary’s Word of the Year
I would have probably put Macaca at number one, but truthiness and google are a pretty damn good 1-2 punch.

4. Top 50 Lost Loose Ends.
Lost is great, for a while it was easily the best show on TV, but when are they gonna start telling us what the hell is going on. Remember us, the viewers.

5. Poplicks: Best Quotes of 2006
It is actually an great list. All of my favorites are included, and a few new ones that I should have known. The quoted include Lil Wayne, Borat, Michael Scott, Johnny Drama, Bush, Jimmy Carter,
--"Occasionally. One of the things I've used on the Google is to pull up maps.” CNBC's Maria Bartiromo

6 Pitchfork: Top Tracks of 2006
Maybe not the best list, but lots of links indie rock songs to download.

7 The Late Greats: Top 2006 Songs of 2006
Just a cool idea for a list. I should have thought of it first.

8. Badger Herald: Top Five Comedians
All solid choices, all comedians I rocked out to this year or featured on Redonkulous, and no stinkin Dane Cook. --David Cross, Jim Gaffigan, Patton Oswalt, Demetri Martin, Zach Galifianakis. (Would have also liked to see Eugene Mirman and Todd Barry on the list- Word).
Happy Holidays. Shabbat Shalom, motherfuckers.


At 9:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're blog is money, but not as money as Agent Zero! This year definitely was the year of YouTube!

"I'm gonna go for the gold"



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