The Leprechaun 5: The Spaghetti Incident
Sorry for the light posting lately. I have actually had a few people come up to me and ask why there have been no new entries for a while. Hopefully, this post is redonkulous enough to keep you suckas satisfied.
I’m back on the RDL after another eventful weekend, the centerpiece of which was the Crazy Leprechaun’s bachelor party on Saturday. Once again, I secured a 40 person bus, this time for a trip to the shit-hole-of-fun that is Atlantic City, New Jersey. Big props to big Joe for getting the group together. By 11:30 a.m. the keg was tapped, food was on the grill, and a whole bunch of old Laurel heads were in the house. By 12:30 we were on the road, and Leprechaun was already buzzing and sporting his fresh ultra-classy “rub me lucky balls” t-shirt made just that morning. For once in my life I didn’t give a shit about being stuck in Beltway traffic. When you’re on a bus with a tapped keg, tons of liquor, and twenty old-school friends, the dreaded DC traffic is finally tolerable. We actually toasted to the thought of being stuck in Wilson bridge traffic.
While losing money and watching a Leprechaun get abused on stage by strippers with leather belts is always fun, the highlight of the trip had to be just drinkin’ with all the old-school Laurel peeps on the bus while watching old video footage of the Leprechaun and friends in action. I noticed many of the other poor souls stuck on the beltway were trying to get a view of the footage being played on the drunk-bus TV’s.
In the best video episode of the bus ride, I dusted off an old gem involving a hidden camera, much Tequila, a massaging Leprechaun, drunk college girls, and the highlarious knuckle-cracking-preliminary-move -- all occurring south of the border. Hey! I’m talking about south of the MEXICAN border you sick bastards, It wasn’t that kind of tape (well not entirely that kind of tape). Although the “south-of-the-border-leprechaun-massage” DOES sound like something that could have been purchased by the cousin for $25 at one of the sleazy A.C. establishments, that is not what I am referring to either. (I think it may be the first cousin to the Roman War Helmet).
Once we finally de-boarded the bus, after narrowly avoiding all the potential conflicts and political brouhahas between the urban dwellers and the Fredneckian contingent, we were ready to hit the casino floor. I’m not so sure that the pit boss’s enjoyed everyone repeatedly yelling “rub the Leprechaun’s lucky balls dammit” before every spin of the roulette wheel, but it did seem to bring good luck for at least the first hour of gambling. Eventually, we all somehow made it back to the bus before it departed (all except for one cracky who was picked up while running down the road and flailing his arms) and we arrived back in Bethesda at some point on Sunday morning.
Now for some random redonkulous links that you all have come to know and love:
I wholeheartedly agree that the Kansas school-board should teach the scientific theory of the Flying Spaghetti Monster alongside both Evolution and Intelligent Design. Who are they to deny my belief in the existence in the spaghetti monster, it is after all, just another competing "theory." No different that Bush's personally endorsed intelligent design, Right?
Last week the Skins decided to start revoking the season tickets of any fans caught selling their seats on ebay.
Great PR move Danny-Boy Snyder. After taking away my right to park in the Mall lot and making everyone pay an extra $25 to park, taking away my right to walk on the sidewalks near fed-ex field, selling people seats directly behind structural beams, trying to build a fantasy football team instead of an NFL team, and requiring fans to buy season tix only with the Redskins® credit cards...is it any wonder why I would rather watch the games at home on the HiDef big screen, than travel to my beautiful homeland of PG County.
This latest ebay-move is just pushing me one tiny step closer to shelling out for the purple jersey and some crab bombs. I know coach Gibbs has asked all fans to pray for Lavar Arrington’s knee to heal quickly, but the Spaghetti Monster has personally informed me that he is too busy dealing with all of the wars and destruction in the world to concern himself with the patella of an overpaid linebacker.
Final quick links:
---Maddox has nice take on blogs.
-- Best conclusion to a movie review ever?
“Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.”
---Bush, too busy to meet with the mother of a fallen US solder. Instead he continues to vacation in Texas, exercise for at least 2 hours every day like he does in DC while "working," and get to bed every night around 9:00 p.m. He says because it is important to keep a “balanced life.” Ooook.