Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Red Baron is not just a pizza?

RSJ and SCG’s friend Signal to Noise, points out a high-larious looking book about one man’s quest to read the entire encyclopedia and then show his knowledge off at cocktail parties and various other social settings.

Little does the author know that this stunt was attempted about 9 years ago by my college roomate. The encyclopedia reader became so enthralled by the portion of the volume on the Red Baron that he purchased a scale model of the fighter plane and placed it on his dresser, where it sat for a few months next to an empty 40 of Mickey's Ice. No joke, this guy, in college would get drunk.....and read...from an encyclopedia set prominently displayed in his room....and then from other books on the Red Baron and other fighter pilots. Meanwhile, the rest of us in the house would simply pound some Natty Lights, and then head for the ultimate Red Baron, only about .99 cents at Kroger.

The best show on television right now is "Off to War" a documentary style show on the Discovery Times Channel. It is a real-life behind-the-scenes look at an Arkansas National Guard Unit stationed in Iraq. The show follows around a few members of the unit as they travel back and forth to Iraq serve as targets for the crazy ass Iraqi insurgency.
It is impossible to watch this show and not feel sorry for the guys who probably signed up for light weekend duty with national guard to earn some extra cash and are now forced to drive around in non-secure Hummers and got shot at every single day. The show is truly amazing as it follows normal routine jobs turn in to all full-scale gun battles and the camermen keep shooting the entire time.

Every night these guys go out on patrol without sufficient body armor in shoddy old hummers. Then after watching how poorly we protect our soldiers I come into work and about once a week see this stupid ass car parked right outside my office window once a damn week.

WORST....VEHICLE....EVER... right outside my window


Speaking of people being shot, everyone knows the Vice-President shot another Republican while out hunting this weekend. According to Keith Olberman of MSNBC these are the most accurate computer simulations of what occurred, and they are amazing. Here are some computer enhanced I will spare you the inevitable one-liners that will be flying fast and furious all week, and let you know how fucking stupid this activity is

According to many sources, the hunting trip was just like many that Cheney participates in, in which he shoots hundreds of STOCKED birds, at exclusive private clubs. These are pen-reared birds that were never wild that are released only so that Cheney and others can shoot them. How fucking stupid is this:
"The activity places a spotlight on an increasingly popular and deplorable form of hunting, in which birds are pen-reared and released to be shot in large numbers by patrons. The ethics of these hunts are called into question by rank-and-file sportsmen, who hunt animals in their native habitat and do not shoot confined or pen-raised animals that cannot escape.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported today that 500 farm-raised pheasants were released yesterday morning at the Rolling Rock Club in Ligonier Township for the benefit of Cheney’s 10-person hunting party. The group killed at least 417 of the birds, illustrating the unsporting nature of canned hunts. The party also shot an unknown number of captive mallards in the afternoon."

Ok let me see if I can grasp the stupidity. The most powerful people in our country....with bad hearts and a medical team standing by...running around in fake army gear...in the woods...with high powered rifles....and with 78 year old men.......pretending to be shooting at wildlife..... but shooting at already captured animals and each other. What the fuck? That about sounds like the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard about in my life. I really dont understand.

Ok, on second thought I am not going to spare you the one liner. I sifted through a Dkos thread to find some of my favorite comments, some factual some hihg-larious.

Don’t forget to tip your waitresses, I’ll be here all week. They are funny BECAUSE they are TRUE.

Cheney certainly would have learned to handle a gun in Vietnam...had he not had five deferments.

Cheney only the 2nd vice-president in history to shoot someone while in office. The first one was a also TRAITOR...
(“Call me Aaron Burr from the way I’m dropin Hamiltons”)

The veep shoots somebody and puts them in the ICU, and the news isn't reported until the woman who was hosting the shooting party calls a reporter for some obscure little texas paper? And Cheney refused to be interviewed until the next day. (All 100% true.) I do recall that the VP has a DUI history. Two DUI's on his record. (That's two that we know about.)

"Guns don't shoot people, Dick Cheney shoots people."

Scalia went hunting with Cheney a few months ago....Scalia has no reason to be afraid...I don't believe cheney uses silver bullets.

Old Repulbican pitch:
Give us $200,000 and you get to go hunting with Dick Cheney.
New Republican pitch:
Give us $200,000 OR you get to go hunting with Dick Cheney.

If I know you and you have competed in the luge, you are automatically the best person I know who has ever competed in the luge.

I prepared this long rant about how much the winter olympics suck ass, but it doesnt appear to be needed. At the Bottom Line on Friday night, as G and I were parked at the bar watching the Wizards tear up Lebron and the Cavs, some clown kept requesting the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics. Are you kidding me? The only thing as bad as the opening ceremonies are the actual winter Olympics themselves.

I was prepared to draft my spiel about how half the countries in the world don’t even have a chance to compete in these winter only games because their climates are too warm, how these so “called” sports are not really even sports, about how stupid it is to throw three guys in a metal sled and time them going down a hill and then call it the “bobsled.” And then I read some other opinions and everyone agrees.

Nobody who is a sports fan the rest of the year watches or even remotely cares about the winter olympics. They are irrelevant, so I will spare you the long rant about curlers and lugers (loogies? Lugies?)
The single funniest message that I received over IM in the past week has to be this: “yo can i send something to read over.... it is for myspace the about me section and i need and honest assessment"

I really don't even know where to go with this. Someday we will all look back at this time and say, what the hell was that all about?

If I ever get around to creating a myspace profile I want a hacked out spread like this guy, too bad I got no skills on the intranet and cant design shit for the interwebs
Does this article now mean that I can afford a house inside the beltway.
Final thought, but vitally important , why do people use chopsticks to eat asian food? I don’t get it. Is it like wearing a khaki vest when going on a disney safari? Is it so that the wait staff does not look down on you? Is it more fun? Does it make the food taste better? More on this later...Im starving.


At 11:58 AM, Blogger IMOAN said...

oo...thanks for the myspace link

At 12:19 PM, Blogger The Redonkulous Linker said...

Nice...design me a pimped out page.

At 1:04 PM, Blogger rockstarjoe said...

Man... I'll never be able to afford a house in DC. Unless maybe if Marion Barry makes a comeback.

I think chopsticks are fun. I would like to eat more meals with them, but they are pretty useless when trying to tackle a steak.

At 1:48 PM, Blogger The Redonkulous Linker said...

So its just fun not useful...like drinking out of a crazy straw?


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