Thursday, September 22, 2005

Holden on to those college years

All apologies to Tahj Holden. Tahj is a stand-up individual and knows how to take a joke. If all current and former student athletes had the professionalism of Tahj, the NCAA would be much better off.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Joe Gibbs and the Ragu Festivale

"The thing I want to say to everybody (is that) it wasn't Patrick, it was me," Gibbs said of the QB change from Ramsey to Brunell last week.
What? It’s not you it’s me? I invented the it’s not you it’s me.

So Gibbsy installs Brunell who, as predicted, plays like the worst qb in NFL history for 3.88 quarters. But then all of Gibbs' numerous prayers must have been answered at once, as the Flying Spaghetti Monster reached his noodly appendage through the hole in the Texas Stadium roof and directed two TD’s into the hands of Santana Moss and the Skins beat the Boys for one of the most baffling but sweet victories in recent memory. They always said the hole in that stupid stadium was so that God could watch, I bet they didn't know the FSM was also watching.

Gibbs must have prayed extra hard once the California Courts banned the Pledge of Allegance. One Nation under the spaghetti monster with liberty and the Hall of Justice for all.


In other sports news, Rock Star Joe recently pointed me to this money new sports blog from the Gawker family, which in turn points me to this high-larious gallery of Bronson Arroyo with some freshman girl who they describe as most definitely not his wife


Someone must fight for the rights of beer pong


Ok so this is one of those scary looters that all the stupid fuckers were soo worried about? A 73 year-old, diabetic, church-leading, grandmother, with some food in her car. Yes, throw her ass in jail immediately.


Hope you enjoyed yesterday’s talk like a pirate day


We all know that girls love Donkeys. But is the trend spreading to farmgirls nationwide. Dooonkies.


First the Onion comes out with its razor parody and says “fuck everything we are doing 5 blades.” And then gillete turns parody into reality and actually does it.


I watched "The Flight that Fought Back" last week, and when the passengers beat the crap out of the terrorists with a beverage cart, some boiling coffee pots, and a fire extinguisher it is a sweet victory.


Fresh from guiding the skins to victory, the prophet of the noodly one grants an interview

"GM: When did you know you were the chosen Prophet for the great Flying Spaghetti Monster? Does He still speak to you?
BH: I had of course seen spaghetti several times throughout my life, but it wasn't until He revealed Himself to me and touched me with His Noodly Appendage that I knew I was Chosen. Does He still speak to me? If by that you mean "Do I hear voices in my head?" the answer is yes. Further evidence that He is near me abounds. I oftentimes find that I have made mistakes in my day-to-day activities. These, clearly, are the work of a mischievous Flying Spaghetti Monster, tampering with my work with His Noodly Appendage, purely for his own amusement."

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

There's no structured narrative. No neat story-line to explain.

Anybody want to hear some in-your-face comedy from a shock-jock type crazy man, then DO NOT go to the Todd Barry show at the Improv this week. This laid-back “medium energy” comic is funny as 8 muggs but he is not gonna jump around like a clown for your amusement. If you wanna hear a self professed “blogger friendly” comedian who rips on me for loving the new Wilco album, then Todd Barry is your guy.

A bunch of donkies(eys) will be at the Thursday night show if anybody is down.


Speaking of comedians, with Ron and Fez off to XM radio, WJFK is auditioning a bunch of people for the night-slot. This week we are getting Colin Quinn and Nick Dipaolo, and they have already stated that they want to stay in DC at that spot. Even though Colin Quinn continuously trips over his own words and his monologues on Tough Crowd were sometimes cringe-inducing as he stumbled and bumbled, these are a couple of funny-ass dudes and I hope they are here to stay. Plus could you ever have enough veterans of remote control around? I think not. Where is Kari Whurer?


Krazy Katrina Link of the day:

The wonderful citizen who yelled “Go Fuck Yourself Mr. Cheney,” twice, to Cheney’s face, on national TV, has started his own website. Hurricane Katrina Sucked Dot Com. He is an emergency room doctor who had his home ravaged in the hurricane.
You can see his comments to “Mr. Cheney” here and here .

If you are thinking that it was innapropriate to use those words in front of the vice-president, I direct you do Cheney’s comments to Senator Leahy.

According to the Washington Post, the exchange ended when Cheney offered some crass advice: "Go fuck yourself." The Washington Times put it this way: "Cheney...responded with a barnyard epithet, urging Mr. Leahy to perform an anatomical sexual impossibility."


Google has released a beta version of its blog search
Obviously it still needs some work, because a search for “Donkies” does not reveal the Donkies family of blogs as the top results. No love for the first place Donkies football team, first place Donkies kickball team, first place Donkies fantasy football team, or second place Donkies soccer team. Between all of those teams there are only 2 losses.


The definitive guide to summer 2005 weddings. I only have about 4 more to hit up this summer.

Song #5-
"Oh What a Night, Late December 1963: Frankie Valley and the Four Seasons.
This is by far the biggest wedding song mystery to me. How did this stupid, not particularly danceable song about a teenager losing his virginity in the winter work it’s way into the rotation of nearly every wedding I have ever attended? Baffling."

Friday, September 09, 2005

I was young enough, I still believed in war

Craziest Katrina Blog Award: The Interdictor.

This blog is run by some guy who was once in the U.S. special forces and now runs a bunch of servers for his friend's computer company. As Katrina approaches he decides to stay behind in their New Orleans office and ride out the storm. This guy is armed with weapons, food, water, a model girlfriend, a few friends, some webcams, computers, and a diesel generator. With these few basic supplies he live blogs the events starting from the very first day that Katrina hits.

For the most riveting blogging that I have read in a while CLICK HERE and work your way through the storm day by day.


For some more persepective on the storm/flood, check out this flood overlay map that shows the massive reach of the disaster when imposed on a number of other U.S. cities. Check out Washington D.C.. IF the storm hit our city, the flood would have engulfed you suckas in Downtown D.C., Alexandria, Arlington, Van Ness, Takoma Park, Suitland, Anacostia, and Shirlington. That should give you some idea of the massive scope of this disaster.


Blagg's blog speaks the truth again. Why do so many fools wait in line for bars/clubs, I will never understand it.


I still stand my my statement that anyone with a monster-truck sittin' on Dubs has forfeited their right to complaint about gas prices. But since McDonkerton continues to complaint, this picture shows that it could be worse. And if you are that obsessed with saving a couple dollars on gas, apple has some wacky program that lets you find the cheapest pumps.


Now for my continuing/neverending rant on the worst ...president ....ever.

If you dont want to hear a long political rant about an incompetent administration, stop reading now.

First Bush goes on vacation, for FIVE WEEKS. During this marathon vacation, Katrina strikes and Bush decides to stay out West and play guitar with country singers and share cake with John McCain.

Despite the storm pummeling NO, Bush decides to continue with his propaganda tour on his prescirption drug plans, and during a speech briefly reminds everyone to pray for New Orleans and gives a short empty promise of federal aid.

Then after deciding that he should actually head to D.C. a day later, Bush first decides to fly back to Texas for a good nights sleep on the ranch.

In fact, Bush didn't even FLY OVER New Orleans until Wednesday afternoon, a full 60 hours AFTER the hurricane has destroyed the city.
At that point, instead of surveying the disaster he just peers out his window at the pour souls trapped below.

Then, by Thursday when Bush finally starts paying attention to the disaster he makes the single dumbest statement in this whole mess:

I don’t think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees.”

Now this is actually a true statement unless you count every scientist, engineer, weather expert, city official or disaster expert, who reviewed the levees before the storm and concluded that the topping of the levees was likely, or the report from CNN that “Virtually everything that has happened in New Orleans since Hurricane Katrina struck was predicted by experts and in computer models”

With that idiotic fucking comment out of the way our idiot-in-chief finally gets to Alabama FOUR DAYS after Katrina strikes, and he is bombarded with tons of questions regarding the lack of response by the Federal government.

The horrible federal response had been spearheaded by FEMA, and his personally appointed director Michael D. Brown who according to Time magazine and any other source "whose disaster credentials seemed to consist of once being the commissioner of the International Arabian Horse Association?

Now this clown who was let go from the Arabian Horse Association is leading an inept disaster effort and does not even realize that hundreds are trapped in the convention center in NO. Still Bush refuses to criticize the work of FEMA or Brown because all of FEMA’s top ranking officials were appointed -- not because of their disaster experience or government job performance -- but due to their work on the Bush/Cheney CAMPAIGN or in the Florida recount battle. Once, again these are friends and cronies, whose positions have nothing to do with their competency or experience in handling disasters, and it is their job to save a major US city.

At this point Bush makes the second stupidest statement in this whole mess

"Brownie you're doin a great job"

This is the same Brownie that the New Republic profiles as follows:
When Brown left the IAHA four years ago, he was, among other things, a failed former lawyer - a man with a 20-year-old degree from a semi-accredited law school who hadn't attempted to practice law in a serious way in nearly 15 years and who had just been forced out of his job in the wake of charges of impropriety. At this point in his life, returning to his long-abandoned legal career would have been very difficult in the competitive Colorado legal market. Yet, within months of leaving the IAHA, he was handed one of the top legal positions in the entire federal government: general counsel for a major federal agency. A year later, he was made its number-two official, and, a year after that, Bush appointed him director of FEMA.

According to the USA Today, Bush had been dismantling FEMA from the beginning of his presidency
“Over the past four years, the Bush administration has replaced competent leaders with people long on political connections but short on disaster management expertise. At the same time, the war on terrorism has drained the agency's resources and reduced its effectiveness.”

In addition to this fired horse trader/director the other leaders of FEMA were also Bush campaign workers with no disaster expereince who had merely helped on the campaign trail.

The [FEMA] Chief of Staff is a guy named Patrick Rhode. He planned events for President Bush's campaign. Rhode has no emergency management experience whatsoever.(...)
The [FEMA] Deputy Chief of Staff is Scott Morris. He was a press flak for Bush's presidential campaign. Previously, he worked for the company that produced Bush's campaign commercials. He also has no emergency management experience.

Conservative Andrew Sullivan opines:

In normal times, appointing this kind of unqualified political hack to an agency with direct responsibility for saving lives is reckless. After 9/11, it is an incomprehensible failure.

Ok so after the political hack and idiot-in-chief continue screwing things up for a few more days, Republican lawmakers are finally ready for a crackdown........on the victims??

There may be a need to look at tougher penalties on those who decide to ride it out and understand that there are consequences to not leaving.

Ive never heard such bullshit.

And when any of these criticims are raised to the President’s Press Secretary he recites Rove's talking points that we are merely playing the “blame game” but I will leave you with Bush’s own words from his inauguration:

Encouraging responsibility is not a search for scapegoats, it is a call to conscience. And though it requires sacrifice, it brings a deeper fulfillment. We find the fullness of life not only in options, but in commitments. And we find that children and community are the commitments that set us free.