Friday, December 23, 2005

Pre-Holidays Donkiness

In a huge victory for reasonable people, a Pennsylvania Court ruled that Intelligent Design cannot be taught in science class, because it is just religion in disguise. No shit. Churchy finally gets smacked down.

The Judge, however, declined to comment on the Flying Spaghetti Monster, he knows better than that to mess with that mutha.

Yes I have been dumped over the instant messenger in the past. In fact, I have been given the “maybe we should just be friends” over IM, while an adult. It is very embarrassing, I know, but at least I can take pride in my response” “I already have enough friends.” Anyway, at least I never got this kind of news over the IM, or in any other manner, “you’ve got mail....and an STD”

Ok a rumored Donkies trip to the homeland of a few soccer Donkies, just got a little more interesting.

Bolivia has elected as its leader, Evo Morales, of the Movement towards Socialism, trouncing his nearest rival for the presidency, the pro-US Jorge candidate by 20 points.

This is where it gets interesting, the socialist
Señor Morales, used to lead a coca-growers’ union, and has promised to legalize the cultivation of coca, the primary ingredient in cocaine — to the horror of the US, which has pursued a big coca eradication effort in Bolivia in recent years. Bolivia is the world’s third largest producer of cocaine.
So an-anti US President who is pro-cocaine, good times. The long-rumored Donkies trip to the homeland would be a bit insane.


The real life inspiration for “Turtle” from Entourage passed away a couple days ago.

This sad news is is doubly sad due to Turtle’s real nickname
“Carroll, 39, who was known as “Donkey,” collapsed in his fiancee’s arms Sunday night. He was rushed to the hospital but died in the emergency room.”

Gotta pour out your 40's this weekend for a fallen Dooonkey.

With all the fantastical Chuck Norris stories makin the email rounds this week, it is time to remind everyone that nobody has more random fascinating facts than Vin Diesel. Just keep refreshing to learn new exciting facts. Refresh away.

Google Maps Is The Best, True that, Double True.


Finally on this holiday weekend I leave you with Santa’s very own cribs episode.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Songs of Love and Healing

It just so happens that the baddest rappin reggae superstar on the planet right now is a hasidic jew from NY. The guy’s name is Matisyahu and he tears shit up. Click on his site and watch the live video of “King without a Crown” and you may be amazed.

Also, I learned from reading the Upstate Life that Matisyahu will be rockin the 9:30 club on Christmas day. Now doesn't that sound better than Chinese food and movie.

Speaking of rap superstars, apparently much of the violence in rap is due to the fact that rappers stay up too late. No more partying until 6 in da morning will supposedly do wonders for their surly demeanors.

Continuing with the music theme, Imoan just put up her best of the year music list. Spoony better watch out becuase much of what she plans to listen to in 2006 is that weird indie stuff that us odd people enjoy: "Arcade Fire, Death Cab for Cutie, Kanye West, Gorillaz, Rilo Kiley, Bloc Party"

If your lookin for more yearly lists, Fimoculous has become the one stop shop for tons of these year end lists.

Sunday was the greatest tivo-filled day ever. Never has a twin-tuner DVR been more useful. It all started with the 1:00 NFL games and my fantasy team FC Donkeys (obviously) battling for the final spot in the fantasy playoffs (we won). During those games I also recorded and watched the Maryland soccer team playing for the NCAA National Championship, and saw an exciting game down to the last minute (MD won). Next came the Skins game at 4:00 with the Redskins battling to keep their playoff hopes alive and needing a huge special teams play to pull it out (Skins won). At 6:00 came the Wizards battling the Miami heat in Shaq’s first game back from an injury. Gil Arenas and Caron went nuts, as usual, and the Wizards took the heat into overtime before losing due to some fantasy foul calls against Shaq (only loss of the day). Finally, in the 8:00 nightcap, the Maryland basketball team had a huge ACC face-off with the sixth ranked team in the nation and ACC newbie, Boston College. Maryland got huge games from Ikene Ebekwe and Mike Jones (who?) and beat down the number six team in the nation for the fourth win of the day. Overall, my DVR went 4-1 on the day and I logged about 12 hours of couch time. What a day.

Finally, I havent forgotten about you Rove. Consider this my monthly reminder that Karl Rove is still under suspicion and an indictment may be looming. Lets all hope for a white mothergrabbin’ Fitzmas this year.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Waiting to Derail

R.I.P. Waitless
Today I received an exclusive email from Carl S. Becker sent only to frequent grubbers, informing me that the venture capital fund who kept waitless alive was backing out and that my lunch time is forever altered. Now I am like every other regular schmo in the Golden Triangle who has to wait in 3 mile lines at the Greek Deli, or crowd with 50 other people inside of the Well Dressed Burritio. When waitless was operational, I could simply order AND pay online, skip to the front of the lines and grab my food already on the counter, and roll. Now I am forced to order, pay, wait, and stand around with every other office schlub. Good thing I got that video ipod. One thing I wont be doing, however, is waiting in the mile long lines for the bland sandwiches at PotBelly ,which are no better than the thousand other delis within 3 blocks of my office. Oh well, waitless you will be missed.

So ,this girl got 50 Cent and Aerosmith to play at her bat mitzvah.

Hey, Mark Gans had his bar mitzvah in beautiful Greenbelt Maryland, while the Detroit Pistons were staying there to play the Bullets the next night, and I got to stand with John Salley in an elevator. Close enough right?

I take back my earlier pornouncement of "Holla Back Girl" as the, I agree with this Slate article alleging that “My humps” surpasses everything in terms of pure shit-factor.
"So awful it hurts the mind".. "It's not Awesomely Bad; it's Horrifically Bad."... indeed.

I've been told the black-eyed-peas are catchy. Yes catchy in the same sense that a commercial jingle is catchy. I think the song that goes "Na-bis-co" might be a little catchier than "My Humps," but the masterpiece of audio production that shines well above both of these, is little ditty that goes like this: “ At Eastern Motors..your jobs your jobs your credit.” If my humps is the best selling single of all time, the composer of the Eastern Motors jingle should be pissed.
I guess now we know why W is the first President who refuses to grant an interview with Mike Wallace. Check out this amazing answer during a Wallace interview:
Q. President George W. Bush has declined to be interviewed by you. What would you ask him if you had the chance?

A. What in the world prepared you to be the commander in chief of the largest superpower in the world? In your background, Mr. President, you apparently were incurious. You didn't want to travel. You knew very little about the military. . . . The governor of Texas doesn't have the kind of power that some governors have. . . . Why do you think they nominated you? . . . Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that the country is so [expletive] up?
Finally in DC commuter news:

Why do motherfuckers always insist on sprinting up and down the metro escalators and in and out of metro cars. People are always in a rush to get down to the platform even when everyone knows that there is no train approaching.

A typical metro ride for me:
I am standing there on the right side of the escalator, heading down to the platform and minding my own business. I am in no rush because I know there is no damn training coming. I have this inside informaiton not because I have memorized the schedule but because I CAN SEE THE FUCKING TRACKS and there is no train on said tracks. Therefore I am content with the transportation being provided, free of charge, by the friendly escalator and feel no need to create my own momentum by running down the steps. Yet for some reason every other douchebag feels the need to come flying down the escalator steps and practically rip out my headphones, and not let the damn thing do the work for you...why? for what? so that you can get a good spot on the waiting platform? What the hell is the point of rushing down the escalator only to wait on the platform? You people need to chill the F out. "Mr. hurry down the escalator when no car is approaching guy" must be friends with this real man of genius - Mr. Arm Shoved Through Metro Door Commuter.