Monday, February 27, 2006

Still I would by lyin', if I said it wasn't easy

I finally got around to watching the final 5 episodes of episodes of arrested development, and the show was damn funny. I say “was funny” because the show is now cancelled so that network telvesion can make room for more stellar shows like Two and a Half Men, My Two (and a half) Dads, Three Men and a Little Dad, According to Jim/Dad, and Yes Dear.

The best character from that show, at least from this season, wins the award just based on name alone -– attorney Bob Loblaw.
Loblaw revealed to me through the magic of DVR that me maintains his Bob Loblaw Law Blog. And guess what people, there really is a real life - Bob Loblaw Law Blog.

Robert Loblaw’s actual law blog is not all that exciting, but it is real and it is amazingly bob loblaw’s law blog. Have I said that name enough yet?
For those of you who think that the Linker has no heart, I have watched this video about 200 times in the past week. So there, I do have a heart.

What an amazing story. An autistic high school student who manages the basketball team is allowed to go in and actually play at the end of the teams final game, and then he hits 6 straight three pointers. I guess they should have used him earlier. The story could bring a tear to the eye of even the most jaded hipster. I don’t think I made 6 three pointers in two seasons of intramural basketball in college.

UPDATE: It looks like CBS is attempting to make YouTube scrub its site of any posting of the CBS autistic basketball player story. Everytime YouTube removes the video, someone else posts it again, so keep checking.

UPDATE 2: The CBS video has been taken down from the site, but CNN videos are popping up and they have a version of the story which is just as good, but without interviews with his parents.
I cringe at the thought of linking to college humor for anything other than videos of student bodies (get it) and drunk idiotic frat guys kicking the shit out of each other, but this post regarding IM away messages actually made me chuckle.

I have to agree that the standard: “I am away from my computer right now,” has to be the laziest and most pointless exercise in all of internet communications. Why even take the time to take two clicks and post that away message when you are walking away from your computer. Isn't much better to have no away message at all. If you insist on putting up an away message then write something, anything. Every away message brings up that little yellow notepad that induces people to check on what you are doing and then it reads "I am away..." What the fuck? Why even waste time putting it up if you dont want people to know what you are doing, then just dont put up an away message and your name will fade to a lighter shade. Even if you are not the best or most creative writer I would think that you could find the wit to post "lunch" “sleeping,” or “finding more ways to be unoriginal.”
If you are at all a fan of alt-country, and I can never get enough of the stuff, you have to check out the Aquarium Drunkard.
First of all, great name for a blog -- I too am an american aquariam drinkerSecond, it is the most amazing music blog I have ever seen. From the blog radio on the right margin to playable songs throughout the blog, it is like a jukebox of amazing rare songs that can travel with me wherever I go. Just like "You tube" lets you play video within a blog, this website allows you to play his selected songs in the page just by pressing play. Badass. Now I just need to figure out how to make them all play consecutively, as opposed to restarting each song each time.

The music on the blog contains all the usual suspects from my music collection. If you are also into the same altcountryiffic, rocksnob, pretentious, slightly boring (if you ask others), but amazing music that I listen, then you should check it out. The most recent posts, as of today, include songs from the incredible Gram Parsons tribute album, Ryan Adams, Wilco, Alejandro Escovedo, and all of the crap that I dig so much.
Sarunas Jsdlkjsldakjscus is a beast of a point guard, and is apparently friends with Von Wafer and Charlie Villanueva on friendster
How many times can Gilbert Arenas do this? Judging by the number of times it has played on my computer and tv since last year’s playoffs - a lot. YES!! Dont look now but the Wizards are playing better than any other Wizards/Bullets team that I can remember.
And now for what some consider to be the boring, wackjob-liberal, dull, political portion of today’s post. If you are bored by political content and/or hostile towards people who use the words progressive, or “and/or” then you can simply stop reading at this point.

Godfather of the conservative movement, William F Buckley, in the conservative rag that he founded states “One can't doubt that the American objective in Iraq has failed.

So it has finally come to this. Now everyone agrees with those crazy Michael Moore liberals and Jack Murtha, that we need to get out and are doing more harm than good over there.

In other recent Bush administration news, Bush’s deal to sell management of some of our biggest internaitonal ports to the UAE, without a sufficient security check, may have collapsed, as politicians from both parties have moved to block this move by the Bush Administration. It turns out that the deal may have been just another attempt to satisfy the Bush's big business cronies, and possibly at the expense of our national security.

Well those two "new" facts (not new to me) 1) that our Iraq policy has only succeeded in bringing out more terrorists and creating a better meeting place for the terrorists, and 2) that our willingness to protect national security is actually second to helping big business cronies of the President -- finally shatter the finaly MYTH of GWBush. Wow, Bush is not the strong president whose tough stance on terrorists and national security is the only option for making our contry safer? You mean he’s not actually making us safer?

If you are still a conservative then that is your choice. My only question: Why are there still Bush supporters. Anyone? Anyone?
Comments welcome as always. Those new people who claimed to be RDL fans this weekend, comment away.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

That's why I mess with you Xzibit

Everyone knows I love RSS aggregators, and anything that helps me from having to open the 30 blogs I read each day is great. So I was hunting around on Digg and I stumbled across a google feature that is even cooler than google reader, and just about as cool as My Yahoo. It is a way to personalize your google homepage

Now I can embed my new gmail account into my homepage and surround it with a ton of my other bookmarks. Good stuff.
So SCG asked for some suggestions on American TV to download... Gotta go with The Boondocks. Check out this clip, guest starring Samuel L Jackson and Charlie Murphy and watch Sam Jackson go all Pulp Fiction on the gangsta. Click on the small play button at the bottom to watch it within this window.

Imoan found an example of the spaghetti monster breaking into high fashion in Paris (with Fry Guy). It looks to me like this is no joke. The FSM is spreading everywhere
Many people saw Bill O'Reilly get bitchslapped by David Letterman of all people but how many people saw badass Steve Colbert take on Conan and take no prisoners.

Best Winter Olympics summary ever
Destination Donkey (blog in the works) points out that the Donkey family actually has a family crest. Allert all donkeys to this.
“The name Donkey is derived from the Gaelic personal name "Donnchad," which means "brown warrior.”

Ok so Cheney was either drunk when he shot that guy or as Franken said, a horrific asshole.
Let me recap, first Chenery sent out his people to blame the victim and claim that it was the guys own fault that Cheney mistook him for a bird, and stated that their was absolutely NO alcohol involved.

Then we learn from Cheney that “I had a beer at lunch.” Riiiight.
Will has been known to have "one beer" and has had similar results. Check out his opinion.

Next we learn that Cheney did not go to the hospital or call the President after shooting they guy, BUT instead after the accident occurred, "the vice president fixed himself a cocktail back at the house."

As for drinking directly after the accident, it seems that experienced DWI lawyers will tell you that that is exactly what you are supposed to do if you are ever involved in an accident after drinking, that way if you get interviewed or tested you can plausibly claim that all the alcohol in your system came AFTER the incident and not before.

So this is a guy who has had two DOCUMENTED DWI’s and was reportedly kicked out of Yale for drinking and who has ADMITTED to drinking before AND after the incident, claims it was a routine hunting accident. Yes seems to me like a routine drunken hunting accident.

Can we all just agree that he was drunk, or that the one beer he had at lunch was about 80 ounces. By refusing to go to the hospital and instead goin back to drink he has establised that he was either drunk, an evil prick, or a drunk evil prick.
Maybe Cheney needs a drinking buddy that he cant hurt if he decides to shoot him.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Red Baron is not just a pizza?

RSJ and SCG’s friend Signal to Noise, points out a high-larious looking book about one man’s quest to read the entire encyclopedia and then show his knowledge off at cocktail parties and various other social settings.

Little does the author know that this stunt was attempted about 9 years ago by my college roomate. The encyclopedia reader became so enthralled by the portion of the volume on the Red Baron that he purchased a scale model of the fighter plane and placed it on his dresser, where it sat for a few months next to an empty 40 of Mickey's Ice. No joke, this guy, in college would get drunk.....and read...from an encyclopedia set prominently displayed in his room....and then from other books on the Red Baron and other fighter pilots. Meanwhile, the rest of us in the house would simply pound some Natty Lights, and then head for the ultimate Red Baron, only about .99 cents at Kroger.

The best show on television right now is "Off to War" a documentary style show on the Discovery Times Channel. It is a real-life behind-the-scenes look at an Arkansas National Guard Unit stationed in Iraq. The show follows around a few members of the unit as they travel back and forth to Iraq serve as targets for the crazy ass Iraqi insurgency.
It is impossible to watch this show and not feel sorry for the guys who probably signed up for light weekend duty with national guard to earn some extra cash and are now forced to drive around in non-secure Hummers and got shot at every single day. The show is truly amazing as it follows normal routine jobs turn in to all full-scale gun battles and the camermen keep shooting the entire time.

Every night these guys go out on patrol without sufficient body armor in shoddy old hummers. Then after watching how poorly we protect our soldiers I come into work and about once a week see this stupid ass car parked right outside my office window once a damn week.

WORST....VEHICLE....EVER... right outside my window


Speaking of people being shot, everyone knows the Vice-President shot another Republican while out hunting this weekend. According to Keith Olberman of MSNBC these are the most accurate computer simulations of what occurred, and they are amazing. Here are some computer enhanced I will spare you the inevitable one-liners that will be flying fast and furious all week, and let you know how fucking stupid this activity is

According to many sources, the hunting trip was just like many that Cheney participates in, in which he shoots hundreds of STOCKED birds, at exclusive private clubs. These are pen-reared birds that were never wild that are released only so that Cheney and others can shoot them. How fucking stupid is this:
"The activity places a spotlight on an increasingly popular and deplorable form of hunting, in which birds are pen-reared and released to be shot in large numbers by patrons. The ethics of these hunts are called into question by rank-and-file sportsmen, who hunt animals in their native habitat and do not shoot confined or pen-raised animals that cannot escape.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported today that 500 farm-raised pheasants were released yesterday morning at the Rolling Rock Club in Ligonier Township for the benefit of Cheney’s 10-person hunting party. The group killed at least 417 of the birds, illustrating the unsporting nature of canned hunts. The party also shot an unknown number of captive mallards in the afternoon."

Ok let me see if I can grasp the stupidity. The most powerful people in our country....with bad hearts and a medical team standing by...running around in fake army the woods...with high powered rifles....and with 78 year old men.......pretending to be shooting at wildlife..... but shooting at already captured animals and each other. What the fuck? That about sounds like the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard about in my life. I really dont understand.

Ok, on second thought I am not going to spare you the one liner. I sifted through a Dkos thread to find some of my favorite comments, some factual some hihg-larious.

Don’t forget to tip your waitresses, I’ll be here all week. They are funny BECAUSE they are TRUE.

Cheney certainly would have learned to handle a gun in Vietnam...had he not had five deferments.

Cheney only the 2nd vice-president in history to shoot someone while in office. The first one was a also TRAITOR...
(“Call me Aaron Burr from the way I’m dropin Hamiltons”)

The veep shoots somebody and puts them in the ICU, and the news isn't reported until the woman who was hosting the shooting party calls a reporter for some obscure little texas paper? And Cheney refused to be interviewed until the next day. (All 100% true.) I do recall that the VP has a DUI history. Two DUI's on his record. (That's two that we know about.)

"Guns don't shoot people, Dick Cheney shoots people."

Scalia went hunting with Cheney a few months ago....Scalia has no reason to be afraid...I don't believe cheney uses silver bullets.

Old Repulbican pitch:
Give us $200,000 and you get to go hunting with Dick Cheney.
New Republican pitch:
Give us $200,000 OR you get to go hunting with Dick Cheney.

If I know you and you have competed in the luge, you are automatically the best person I know who has ever competed in the luge.

I prepared this long rant about how much the winter olympics suck ass, but it doesnt appear to be needed. At the Bottom Line on Friday night, as G and I were parked at the bar watching the Wizards tear up Lebron and the Cavs, some clown kept requesting the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics. Are you kidding me? The only thing as bad as the opening ceremonies are the actual winter Olympics themselves.

I was prepared to draft my spiel about how half the countries in the world don’t even have a chance to compete in these winter only games because their climates are too warm, how these so “called” sports are not really even sports, about how stupid it is to throw three guys in a metal sled and time them going down a hill and then call it the “bobsled.” And then I read some other opinions and everyone agrees.

Nobody who is a sports fan the rest of the year watches or even remotely cares about the winter olympics. They are irrelevant, so I will spare you the long rant about curlers and lugers (loogies? Lugies?)
The single funniest message that I received over IM in the past week has to be this: “yo can i send something to read over.... it is for myspace the about me section and i need and honest assessment"

I really don't even know where to go with this. Someday we will all look back at this time and say, what the hell was that all about?

If I ever get around to creating a myspace profile I want a hacked out spread like this guy, too bad I got no skills on the intranet and cant design shit for the interwebs
Does this article now mean that I can afford a house inside the beltway.
Final thought, but vitally important , why do people use chopsticks to eat asian food? I don’t get it. Is it like wearing a khaki vest when going on a disney safari? Is it so that the wait staff does not look down on you? Is it more fun? Does it make the food taste better? More on this later...Im starving.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Poker in the rear ......... I got a frush

This past Saturday I headed up to Northern Pennsylvania...well actually New Market, Maryland.... for an old schoolers poker tournament. The fourteen person poker tournament was organized by Copsey, so in addition to the old school Laurel people, we were also greeted by Copsey’s wonderful neighbors from Fredneck, and it made for an interesting dynamic.

Despite not having much poker skills I made it from the initial 14 contestants into the final consolidated table. While I may not be an expert at poker, I am very skilled at shit-talking and that was enough to get me to the final table. I may have made it farther but the game was abrubtly halted at 6 people due to a rumble. It all started when the nice and civilized tables were abrubtly consolidated with our drunken shit-talking table

To learn more about this royal rumble, and the rest of the night, please read Copsey’s very own personal recap below, for some reason written in the third person.

Joe requested to have his own recap posted on this site, and I have complied, although if you wanna know how the whole brouhaha ended just look at the final picture on Spoony’s website.

Copsey’s Poker Party (by Copsey himself)

The planning started two months in advance in order to get 20 individuals to come out to Fredneck for what would be a Texas Hold’em Tournament. With complaints of distance aside, the gas tanks full, tires rotated, and oil changes completed the day was here and the dollar sign filled eyed poker players were on their way to a distant place venue, the Copsey’s House.

All planned to arrive at 5 but with traffic (on a Sat), and the attempt to put 20 souls together for any event someone was bound to be late. Subsequently it was a neighbor that lived next door who held up the show, go figure! However, those who arrived on time or early were greeted with the smells of Copsey’s want to be famous chili, (aka “Getting the Kids all lubed up to go to the pool chili”) and Amy’s delights of Taco Salad, buffalo chicken dip and other house favorites; deviled eggs, and of course chocolate chip cookies.

Downstairs there was plenty of beer, 40’s of Mickey’s Ice & MGD, (could not find Old English up in redneck country) and after all it was all in celebration of the old days and in honoring Joe Summers 30th Birthday. With three tables set to play, the 14 players that made it drew numbers to determine where they’d sit….. with numbers drawn and people settling in, the tourney started at 6:30, not bad for a start time of 5pm!

With 14 players slinging cards and very little chips being bet at the beginning the night started out great…..the food was good, the beer was flowing and the cards, well, let’s just say they weren’t as nice to everyone! A break every hour and a blind raise people were plump, saturated and seasoned poker players…. Now……..Four hours into the night……. The Heil-hooffer (real last name) brother’s Jeremy and Todd on table 1 were throwing them back….. Jokes galour where coming from Chris and Scott, because well they were having a tough time keeping play going, Summers threw a shot or two of SO CO and lime in their for his birthday and some individuals were feeling IRIE. Needless to say the mood was set and all were doing fine…. Country and Pookey were chillin….. Jason had arrived, darts were being thrown…the ladies were still hanging on table 3, and well table 2 had only two players left.

The Summer’s family had knocked out Derek, Spoony and Dan’s clock and were now awaiting their next opponents. To be fair the coveted NASCAR hat came out and two numbers were placed in the hat for the Summers to choose. Joe went to table 1 and Karen to table 3…. Then an interesting dynamic formed!

Apparently, Todd didn’t like the fact that Joey was coming to his table, “with twice as many chips as I’ve got, it’s not FAIR”, (whiney ass)……. But oh yeah, that is how Texas Holdem is played we have to join tables in order to have everyone playing, right? NO SHIT!

But there’s more background to stage, there was a mouse in the house, Joey had one the last tourney at Copsey’s house and his brother Jeremy had told him all about it. That Joey, he the “best poker player I’ve ever seen”, and to watch out for him. Todd took that way to seriously instead of wanting to figure out a way to beat Joey he thought it was a huge injustice Joey had to play at his table… “It’s not fair!” Todd couldn’t understand the competition, the fact that the tables had to be formed in order to keep the night going….basically he was too damn drunk to spell his name T-O-D, uh? D, you dumbass…. “D”…….

Roll tape!

Though the tape shows the first of many out burst by Todd, the night was still young and table 1 hadn’t played a hand in an half an hour! Copsey was getting restless, annoyed and wanted people to get over it so he stepped in to calm Todd down, play a game of patty cake to explain things (watch the tape again) and resume play. After all, playing poker is about manning up, re-strategize to stay in the game, SHUT UP, PLAY CARDS and take what SHIT people throw at you!

After the time and what the video portrays all seemed well. A couple of misunderstandings, (to be expected in playing poker with that many people) then a shot of So Co and lime as a peace treaty among parties involved…..and Dan (mediator) was sittin back soaking it in….. Scott of course was cheering them all on, “I’ll take your money”, “keep taking shots”! Country was standing guard! Berube and Karen had now knocked out Marissa, Naomi and Copsey, and were on to join table 1. Another cash table was getting starting with Derek, Copsey, Naomi, Jason and Spoony; things were running efficiently again and the cash game got to there fourth hand when there attention was distracted to table 1, go figure, that damn table was so needy all night! Damn Drunk Heil-Hoffenheiserschnitzer brothers! “His name is my name too….. Whenever we go out, we get drunk and shout, there goes Todd, Jeremy always talking shit, la la la la la la la la la!”

Well, things started to get interesting Berube went all in and Joey called……..Joey won the hand and Berube was beat…… but Berube wanted Joey to count his chips first before he left the table because Berube being the ACCOUNTANT that he is wasn’t satisfied with Joey’s “ I got it covered” in the amount of chips comment. Berube counts all day, he counted playing each hand, he counts when he’s drunk he counts in his sleep, next time Joey count the damn chips! However, in Joey competitive fashion refused to count and he started grabbing chips, Berube got pissed, a few “You’re the Dick at the Table, not the two retarded brothers” comments came out plus a couple of “Assholes” and “F- Yous” went into the pot along with Berube’s chance of taken home $450.

Berube went outside to break his quitting cigarette smoking campaign and now with Berube’s comments Todd jumped back in with that, “It’s not fair” bullshit….. remember we went through this an hour and half to two hours ago, and Copsey was done listening to that shit and we were all well over with that nonsense! Obviously the game was interrupted with discussion and Jeremy got into it to back up his brother with Joey, he got up to take a piss, went over to say something to Joey, put a hand on the shoulder, and that was it!

Joey threw an elbow, grabbed Jeremy by the shirt pushing him back about 10 feet. Scott and Copsey were in the middle of it as always and the girls were screaming…it was quite “the scene.” Joey and Jeremy were separated; Country made sure everyone knew he was there and the biggest mo-fo in the house said a few words to Jeremy and Bre (Jeremy’s wife), got her all upset, Amy jumped in and told Copsey everyone had to go! Well, what else is there to say, at that point everyone had to, well, GO!

Copsey kept his cool the whole time….if he would have lost it the cops would have showed up….. and now being that 70 percent of the room was approaching 30 and white, we are all to old to have to explain to the cops why, “Poker, $$$$$$, 40’s, feeling IRIE and the guy who’s birthday we were celebrating was fighting, at 1am” didn’t make us look like complete hoodlums……………Copsey just doesn’t have those skills anymore…………..but hey…………… Nuttin but a Gangsta Party!

Copsey said, “Amy will send out an Evite to the next poker party in a few months”, and the next time she hosts, she will be wearing a blue jean skin tight jump suit, quarter sized hooped earrings, and be fresh from getting her hair and nails did! She expects the rest from you hoochies out there and all the fella’s, you best come correct!

Peace from behind the fredneck projects!