Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Russ Feingold for President

(I love posts that are totally unrelated to their titles)

I know I say this a lot, but they definitely did not have anything like this when I went to JMU.
We did not even have internet access in our dorm rooms and now they have online all-JMU swimsuit calendars and jmu cribs episodes downloadable in every room. That is progress.

Some JMU traditions, however, never change -- the beer pong rules posted on JMaddy are almost exactly the same as they were during my first trip to the 'burg in 1994.

With all that time and practice, I don’t see how someone from JMU did not win this beer pong championship worth $10,000.00. GUH. That’s right, TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS for freaking beer pong. I need to start training again.

I joined a new indoor soccer league on U Street/Columbia Heights, and the tiny gym makes it seem like a combination of soccer and air hockey, but there is an even bigger problem with the old-school gym. I believe I am quite possibly allergic to the asbestos or other hazardous material growing in the run-down dungeon they call Cardozo High School. It may be the killer mold hiding in that place but a little research shows that it may be a ... mercury leak....nice.

Anyway, the RCR better watch out because after the games our team often heads to the league-sponsored bar Wonderland. I hope RCR's hipster haven is prepared for an influx of patrons who actually play sports and do things other than proofread and edit blog posts and comments. It all starts innocently enough with soccer teams and soon enough the dreaded kickball teams are also lurking in Wonderland amoung the beloved hipsters. Looks like the cool crowd better quickly find a bar in an even shittier neighborhood, maybe there is a wonderland offshoot in Southeast or Fallujah.

In the last post, I passed along Chuck Klosterman’s warning that anyone wearing a snowman T-shirt can (and will) immediately sell you cocaine, now I find this report of a brilliant kid who wore his snowman t-shirt TO his criminal trial. I wonder if the judge bought any.

Soooo, you been workin on your book, huh? You know, that novel you've been writing? Got a nice plot and some interesting characters.

Chris McCray was suspended from the Terps for failing to meet academic qualifications. I guess he got a little less out of that P.G. county education than I did. The terps are gonna miss his tenacity and defense but they get to insert a more powerful offensive force into the starting lineup Mike Jones, who?, Mike Jones, who? Mike Jones.

Looks like we coulda used Gilchrist for another season. After all, he is tearing it up over in Zion.

The thigh-master linked to this video yesterday of what he called skins fans being skins fans. It seems to me like its more like Skins fans doing their best impersonation of Eagles fans.

Breaking news. Being cold CAN cause you to catch a cold. Scientists have determined that being cold can lower your resistance to viruses and therefore being cold can cause you to catch a cold. Those who still claim that only viruses and not cold weather can cause a cold are only hyper-technically correct, in the same sense that being drunk and stumbling around in traffic does not cause death, it is only being hit by the cars that make up the traffic that causes the death. Stumble around all you want and you will not die unless a car hits you. Same theory. Although being cold does not cause you to catch a cold, it increases your chances of catching one, just as being drunk and stumbling around in traffic increases your chances of being hit by a car.

TV notes:

1) Thanks to the video Ipod, I now believe Lost is the best show on Network television, but something needs to happen already, time to start advancing the damn plot again JJ.

2) 24 is not a very good show. I don’t want to hear it. Don't try to defend it. It;s just not that good.

3) I have become addicted to Docday on Sundance and DVR about one documentary per week. Here are a bunch of the great documentaries that I’ve seen recently (and their subject matter).

Control room (Al Jazeera), Year of the Bull (High School Football),The War Room (B.Clinton Presidential Campaign), Stoked: the Rise and Fall of Gator (Pro Skater), Super Size Me (McDonald’s), The Corporation (corporations), Telling Nicholas (Death and 9/11), Hoop Dreams (Illinois High School B-ball), Spellbound (The Spelling Bee), Roger & me (Michael Moore), Startup.com (e Companies), Gunner Palace (Iraq War), The Trials of Henry Kissinger (HK), Unprecedented - The 2000 Presidential Election (The Stolen Election), Bush’s Brain (Karl Rove), A Perfect Candidate (Oliver North), When We Were Kings (Muhammed Ali), Do You Believe in Miracles? (1980 U.S. Hockey Team), Howard Zinn - You Can't Be Neutral on a Moving Train (Zinn), Standing In The Shadows of Motown (Backup band for Motown’s hits), Franken vs O'Reilly (Dumbass O’Relly), The President versus David Hicks (Australian Taliban Fighter), Gigantic -A Tale of Two Johns (They Might Be Giants), Left of the Dial (Air America), Born Rich (Trump’s kids), The Show (Hip Hop), Hype! (Seattle grunge music), Dare to Dream('99 US women’s soccer team).

Let me know of any other great docs out there that I need to tivo.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Video killed the internets star

The Chuck Norris facts sent around by Tricky Dick last week have been taking over the internets the past couple weeks. Here is Mr. McDonkerton’s personal favorite.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more
pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Now we have confirmation that Norris read his own facts from his own website

And in even more awesome video news, we have Tony from “Who’s The Boss” reading the Chuck Norris facts out loud TO Chuck Norris... BRILLIANT

Best goal ever video.

With the Skins, Zards, Terps, and United all on my viewing schedule, I think I have filled my quota for local sports, but if this guy Ovechkin keeps doing amazing things like this GOAL, well then I might have to actually start peeking in on some Caps games again. Ovechkin appears to be the real deal, and seriously this is the most amazing hockey goal I have ever seen. You HAVE to watch the slow motion replays once the live action is finished to realize the nastiness that he pulled out --- The Big O dekes, crosses over, switches to his backhand, gets dragged down, moves the puck above his head, and with his back to the goal and the puck over his head while sliding, pushes a nice shot pass the goaltender - SICK.

You Tube is a great place for finding these videos. Ovechkin, Chuck Norris, and now this. With Donkies soccer #1 finishing undefeated in the regular season and facing Team Val in the playoffs, I found this video of Team Val practicing. It is the favorite move of their golatender.


Even more strange videos.

Fimoculous, one of the first blogs I ever became addicted to, points to this amazing performance involving the son of Mr. Seaver (growing pain’s Alan Thicke) and rapper Lil’ Wayne performing on the Leno show. A New York Times article has called this the next viral internet video phenomenon after the Chronic of Narnia

Fimoculous has also pointed me to this badass Klosterman article explaining the significance of the snowman shirts made famous by present cultural icon and role model, Young Jeezy.
Sadly, Rusche's words ring true: 100 percent of teenagers who wear these shirts are addicted to cocaine. Moreover, anyone wearing these shirts can (and will) sell you cocaine, assuming you address them with any of the following coded phrases:
a) "Chatter on the interweb suggests there shall be a little frost on the pumpkin this Halloween."
b) "I own the Eagles box set."
c) "Know what I hate? Eating food."
d) "So, are you the dude wearing the snowman T-shirt who is selling everybody cocaine?"
Im going to get a Buffalo Bills shirt tomorrow

Now google also has its own video purchasing site, with more fun content to load on my ipod. Just further proof that google will soon rule the world. Here is more proof, rooftop advertising explicitly designed so that it may be seen on google maps.


Finally in boring political news which most of my 5 readers skip at the end of thse posts -- It seems that the mean mean Democratic Senators made Sam ScAlito’s wife cry. Oh well, the whole country should have cried when he got nominated. Basically the guy wants to take away your rights if you are a woman, a brown person, or not a millionaire... which I believe covers every person I know.

Despite this, the media continues to cover the crying game, and I think Atrios said it best
Oh jeebus.
...I appreciate that Alito's wife may geuinely find this stressful and bummer for her, but I just can't stand the fact that our media which can't seem to understand that people who support groups which try to reduce women an minorities on campus, who rule in favor of warrantless searches of 10 year old girls, who will likely declare the uterus state property, who shoot down almost any racial discrimination claim, and who support the practice of striking jurors based on their race might cause a few tears as well.
The media keeps declaring these hearings to be just political theater, and then they focus on the soap opera.
This. Shit. Matters. Pretend you care, or get new goddamn jobs.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Flying Spaghetti Bandwagon

This weekend I wore the Redskins/FSM shirt again, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster did not disappoint. Despite a woeful showing by Mark Brunell. . . the efforts of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Coach Janky Spanky, and the Skins Defense combined to defeat the Bucs and move the Skins one step closer to greatness. Never was the Flying Monster of Pasta needed more than in this latest battle. Somehow his noodly appendages managed to knock two crucial Simms passes into the hands of Redskins linebackers and direct a bouncing pigskin straight into the arms of Spitter Taylor who carried the rock across the goal-line for what turned out to be the winning score.

(Are they twins?)

The efforts of the Flying Spaghetti monster were only matched by the superstar pictured above, Jacob. No, not Taylor Jacobs, he does absolutely nothing (especially with a hobbled Brunell) but I mean Jacob Summers son of Joe and Karen. Since he was born and returned from the hospital a couple months ago, the Skins have yet to lose. Thats right, every weekend that that kid has worn his Skins gear the team has emerged victorious.

Jacob S. and the Spaghetti Monster, that team cannot be stopped.


The only DC news that could rival the skins victory was the coming of Abaramoffukah.

This is an event that has the potential to far surpass even Fitzmas on the grand destruction of the GOP scale. While Fitzmas only nailed Scooter Libby and is well on its way to Karl Rove, The greatness that is Abramoffukah may ensnare a whole shitload of republicans. What a great holiday season. Oh and don’t let anybody tell you that this is a bipartisan scandal. Abramoff only gave money to Republicans, helped start the K Street project to have only Republican lobbyists hired, and has never given a dollar to a Democrat.
So republicans - its all on you.


My representation of the music business may begin with Sparky’s Flaw.
If you are tired of the mopey indie rock that I usually point to on this blog and wanna hear some actual fun and still talented musicians check out the Flaw.
They are a kickass college band that will soon become a kickass major label band. Add these fools to your myspace account, download them from itunes, and help me find some DC venues for the band to play.

I am looking to throw a bash in March starring Sparky's Flaw so lets find a location.

And for absolutely no reason, here is a photo of a tuxedoed man holding a sewing machine in front of a crashed UPS truck. Huh?