Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I'll sing statistics, and hide the truth

Weekend recap:
A rousing start for the undefeated Donkies(eys) basketball franchise. In its first outing as a basketball unit, the Donkies[eys] never once trailed and blew out the Gtown Ballers at the Rockville Sportsplex this weekend. However, from the looks of the brothas dunking in the layup line before the next game, it looks like the season may get a lot more challenging pretty quickly.

I also attended a highly entertaining wedding in Charlottesville this weekend, where there was a face off between our University side of the wedding and the wonderful Git-R-Done groom’s side of the wedding. The wedding pretty much went down like this classic debate, and it was segregated for much of the night except when the Git-R-Done choo choo train, via the Quad City DJ's, made its way through our side for five highlarious minutes.

I was also informed at the wedding that Dori changed her name to Stephanie and left me for a while to do Temptation Island with some clown named Anthony. She doesnt see it.
The weekend was also good because I didnt go to the Madhatter.

Once this guy gets through his uneventful personal internet history he launches into an inspired rant against the MadHatter in Golden Triangle.
I could not agree with his sentiments more, as he cites a few of the reasons why I cant stand MadHatter/McFaddens/TomToms (same place right?).

Here are my personal reasons why those establishments equal a shitty weekend night:
1) awful music like ABBA and Pussycat dolls (or some shit like that),
2) said awful music at redonkulous volumes that make it impossible to talk to the people you went out with (esp. McF.)
3) 300 plus people per square inch of bar space
4) douchebags with popped collars worthy of this hot-girl-with-douchebag blog bumping into you all night long and screaming “Johnny used to work on the docks”
5) five dollar miller lites (and usually while I roll in groups of 5 or more that cause you to spend $25 on each round of said miller lites, about the price of an amazing steak at Smith & Wollensky),
6) morons chainsmoking 2 inches from your grill until your contacts glaze over and you smell like a mixture of a dirty ashtray and floor at these establishment

Overall Madhatter/McFaddens/TomToms = not a good time on a Friday or Saturday night.
A Kansas schoolteacher was ordered to remove a likeness of the flying spaghetti monster from her classroom door -- F that.
I finally brokedown and signed up for myspace last week.
Meanwhile, Fimoculous continues his articulate critique on popular internet culture, by simply asking “MySpace, what have you wrought?” and linking to the 29,000 google hits for "thanks for the add you guys rock".

Seriously, has myspace now become the dominant method for exchanging music online, and sharing their love for the same 12 songs. I heard some “cable car” song by some band called “the Fray” on about 15 peoples MySpace page within two days of signing up and thought they were some type of myspace supported band. I never heard this redonkulously catchy song but I sure have now -- how can 15 people in my close network have it as their signature song already. Really, myspace, what have you wrought?

Hopefully this cold-can technology will be in place for the summer concerts that typically reach about 110 degrees here in the DC area. Miller is busting out new cold can technology, no coozie required.
Two interesting videos via Crooks and Liars

I thought I believed in the “theory” of evolution until Mike Seaver and some guy with a parno mustache explained to me that god perfectly created a banana to be eaten by man, and even demonstrated how god trumped evolution by creating the perfect banana-delivery packaging . Check it out here.

Now that is some wacky shit, but apparently Mike Seaver is all about these god videos. Gotta respect their argument (no you really don’t, honestly its insane) but for some reason something about those two fools giving all this love to the banana, even in a god loving video, made me a tad uncomfortable about where the video was going. If that small video wasn't enough to bash your atheism and cause you to believe in the almighty, the whole Kirk Cameron video is here

In the other crooks and liars video I discovered that it is now finally mainstream to bash Bush, I was well ahead of the curve and on this bandwagon years ago, but now even TRL Girlbander Pink is screaming about his liquor and cocaine in a pretty stark video.

The newest rolling stone cover appears to be asking the correct question

Hell, even Fox news cant hide the truth as their latest polls have bush in the lower 30s.

Hopefully the Democrats will take over congress and the end is near for Rove, Bush, and these clowns.
Finally, here is some video of the world’s 2nd largest version of the world's greatest game - Tetris. This was created with a personal computer, a bunch of Christmas lights, and a building - Wow. Dude definitely hung on too long waiting for the straight piece to drop, but we have all been there before

Sunday, April 16, 2006

I scour You Tube, so You don’t have to

If any of you reading this have been to law school, ever attended a deposition, or even ever seen a deposition conducted on TV, I think you would have to agree that this is about the greatest legal video ever.

I have been involved in some contentious depositions and even thrown out a “I’ll make whatever objection I want” but I have NEVER had the chance throw out a phrase like:”you may be big, but if you wanna see how bad you are come on” or “Mr. hairpeice” or “you dumb sunnamabitch” or even “incipient verbal diarrhea.” I am still young though, so maybe there is time.

You might think that these are just some idiot Texas lawyers, but the guy on the right taking the deposition is Joe Jamail, who is apparently known as the King of Torts. According to his own website, Jamail has over $12 Billion in jury verdicts and over $13 Billion in verdicts and settlements, has represented a client who received a verdict and judgment for $560 Million in a negligence and fraud case, and has been lead counsel in over two hundred personal injury cases where recovery, either by verdict or settlement, was in excess of One Million Dollars.

It is easy to see from this video the brilliant and intricate legal arguments that have propelled Jamail into billionaire status

This link is for everyone who continues to send me inane questions while I am trying to get work done during the day.
Yes, its true, I do sometimes try to get work done during the day. Unlike this guy, who has stumbled into my dream job. MSNBC has hired a blogger who is paid to surf the web and then link to everything that he clicks on during the course of each work day. He often has some pretty good finds, like this Blog post entitled “Blog” with some comments that are right on the money.
For you aspiring web browsers, if you’re trying to navigate the web like the redonkulous linker or that guy from clicked, let me point you to this website that contains everything that google can do on one single page.
With Donkies basketball starting next week (bringing the total Donkey-sports count to five) is there anyway that we can sign this baseball star known as Pronk. He is half donkey and half project - thus the Pronk, and has even had a Pronk candy bar named in his honor.
It looks like prosecutors may be pursuing Barry “Scooter” Bonds for perjury in connection with his steroid testimony to the grand jury. For a good summary on the whole meaning of Bonds and steroids, check out Klosterman’s redonkulous article that became the cover story for last week’s ESPN the magazine, and includes inexplicable references to Yo La Tengo, Magnus Ver Magnusson, Kelly Clarkson, the Iraq War and Enron.
On to the boring political news.....

With the Republican agenda failing in foreign policy (See Iraq, War) and domestic policy (See social security), and mid-term congressional elections right around the corner, the GOP is up to its old tricks. The word is out that the Republicans are ready to attempt to divide our nation again and stir up the church-going public by re-introducing the two of the stupidest proposed constitutional amendments in history and and by adding more restrictions on abortion.

According to this CNN article the GOP is seeking to drum up support through idiotic proposed constitutional amendments to ban flag burining and prevent gays from marrying, and by introducing a bill to stop women from crossing state lines to get abortions. Their "core issues." Yep, those are the real problems with our country, not the soldiers dying in Iraq, the declining enviroment, or the bazillion dollar deficit...

Democrats must take back the House or the Senate this year so this shit can stop.
But I guess you can understand why Republicans want to scream about the evils of flag burning or the war on christian holidays, because shiny new scandals keep popping up every single week.

Not only did the Administration fail to reveal everything it knew about the Valarie Plame leak it also came out last week that they lied about the whole mobile bio weapons labs fiasco

And if one new scandal wasnt enough last week, the White House was also tied to a phone jamming scheme by republican operatives in New Hampshire.

Merely seeing Dick Cheney booed loudly at Nationals games is not enough any more. Like I said before, Democrats must take back the House or the Senate this year so that this craziness can come to an end.

If that doesn’t scare you enough, look at the UTTER CRAP that Conservatives would pass off as entertainment if we don’t stop them from taking over this country. Unless you enjoy horrible-sounding, factually challenged, “We Didn’t Start the Fire” rip-offs, do everything in your power to make sure these fools are stopped.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Who all seen the Leprechaun say Yeah? Yeah!!

Since last week’s report of the leprechaun siting, the lepraCon has blown up. There have been numerous rap remixes and an off again myspace page highlighting the leprachaun’s exploits.

ThighsWide had a great rundown last week, including the myspace version and the yourthemannowdog version.

Donkey McDonkerton is a huge fan of this southern crunk remix version.

Here are a couple more of the video remixes

I want the gold video -

Hey I’ll admit it I like the Family Guy. I am not obsessive enough to name my fantasy football team after Stewie or dress as Peter Griffin on Halloween, but I generally think it is a pretty good show. Not nearly as good as "The Office" or but still good. Sometimes, however, I’m watching the show with some other donkies(eys), and they will be like “ohhh shit did you see Cobra Commander in that boardroom, that shit is a beast” or “HAHA that was just like the Picture Pages commercial with Bill Cosby from the ‘80s.” Now I understand the idea of 80's nostalgia, and I have been dragged to “Legwarmers” concert, but I don’t find a joke hihg-larious simply because a random Gobot or Thundercat jumps onto the screen for no apparent reason. Apparently, Trey and Matt from South Park take my feelings a step further and actually hate the show because of this cheap stunt that Family Guy repeatedly pulls to keep generation x-y laughing. Check out the clip below, they made a whole episode of South Park just bashing the family guy for these random pointless pop 80's references that have absolutely no context.

I still enjoy Family Guy but I totally see their point....oooh look it’s the A-team at a football game....is that really all it takes to make us laugh?
The NBA dunk contest was a joke this year (and most of the past few years). You had to sit through 15 straight misses in order to get to one decent dunk. Now I sort through you tube so that you dont have to, and I found this college dunk contest that blows the pros out of the water, and the dunks are far beyond decent. Maybe edited out the 30 misses in the middle, but check out this sick video to a nice soundtrack featuring Black Star, and tell me that the NBA contest wasnt garbage in comparison.

As the Washington Bullets try to lock down the 5th spot in the East behind the amazing play of Gilbert Arenas, the Subcontinental Giant
currently artsing it up in Australia, points us to these ugly but captivating jerseys from the Brisbane Bullets. The Giant needs to order some of the Aussie jerseys for Donkies before he comes back from Down Under. However, if he runs accross any Roos on the way to get the jersey, he better hope it is not one of these over comfortable in public roos.
Australian Bullets jerseys are gonna become the new Unseld throwbacks.
Alex Blagg of the Blagg Blog has an excellent myspace review on cracked.com
I gotta say he has a point, I wouldn’t want idiots from my high school posting Hoobastank videos on my page either, so for the time being I have only a blank myspace account simply for the purpose of stalking everyone else. Its money.
Listen to these audio files. Howard Stern, on his new satellite show, had an interview with the strange Los Angelos phenomenon known as Wilmer “Fez” Valderamma. I have no freaking clue how this guy does it, but he has apparently he banged every actress/crappy-singer who has appeared on MTV in the last three years including Lohan, Mandy Moore, Jennifer Love Hewitt, etc. I think he may have even gone through the girls starring in “my sweet sixteen.” Listen to the interview here.
Andrew Sullivan has the new electoral map , featuring the current feelings of America toward Bush. Blue town and blue all around.

Finally I will quote Kos on some questions I can never get answered from those who "support the troops"

Funny how after three years of war in Iraq, war supporters still can't answer these three simple questions:

1. How does sending our troops to Iraq, separating them form their families and loved ones, putting them in harm's way, and keeping them there equal "supporting the troops"?

2. Why do those who claim to "honor their sacrifices" want them to continue sacrificing?

3. Why don't those who bloviate about "supporting" and "honoring" the troops against an enemy they think threatens Western civilization actually, you know, put on combat boots and join them?