My empire of Dirt.

Johnny Cash’s cover of Nine Inch Nail’s “Hurt” is an amazing song and video. I have played it about 100 times and it just gets better. I even jumped on GooTube and watched it again after finally seeing Walk the Line last month.

Well it turns out there is a much better and even darker version of that song and video by KTF, man his life was fucked up:

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Speaking of cartoon characters doing blow off of a bar (HOW IS THAT FOR A SEGWAY/SEGUE) I cant get enough of the PacMan Jones story from All Star weekend in Vegas, in which PacMan “allegedly” made it rain, beat up some strippers, choked a bitch, and shot a bouncer. Well now we have video, but remember this is only a re-enactment and not the actual footage

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Why cant more athletes just be more like Gil and spend their nights on the road penning thousand-word manifestos on their blogs instead of doing coke off strippers. Although, now that I think about it, they are equally entertaining. Catch Gilbert’s latest here. Like I said a couple weeks ago, Gil is strange because he is a normal blogger. Pretty damn strange.
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Speaking of bloggers. Behold the hotness that is...Blog Show.
As Agent Steinz is one of the few major media outlets to give the Redonkulous Links some love (thanks also Deadspin), I am pretty much expecting the RDL to appear as a screen shot at some point in the show’s future, unfortunately only a small percentage of these links are sports, and my posts are way to schizophrenic to stay with one topic, so I'm not holding my breath. Anyway that Jamie guy is actually really good and Steinz is also...entertaining. Seriously, if you ever want to kill 30 minutes by watching a tivo'd show about the internets that airs at the end of an hour-and-a-half show on mid-Atlantic regional television, this show is the single greatest way to do just that. How is that for an endorsement Steinz?
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Stop bitching and start a revolution...at least that is what the T-shirt says

The Che shirt may be the funniest sketch performer with that exact voice since Adam Sandler's goat.
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Last week ended in one wacky weekend. The weekend started early, at about 4:30 p.m. on Friday, as I prepared for our client outreach program. When you represent bars and restaurants, client outreach is not quite the same as sales calls by the Dunder Mifflin crew. A few hours, about 10 vodka/tonics, some sushi, an irish car bomb (geez), a couple shots, and some fajitas later, I was prepared for a two day hangover. But I still had the double birthday celebration to run the next night. Spoony D captured the party in pictures. I started off relatively sober-looking, despite the hangover, I tagged everyone with my SR symbol for easy access to the bar, watched a few of these get passed around, and ended up by simply signing my name to a nice-sized bar bill. The payment in brain cells substituted for any cache payments for that weekend. Good times.
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I don't even like liver

This is certainly closer to a link dump than a blog post, but look what Rex from Fimoculous says about link blogs in Wired Magazine:
“The link is its own genre: sparsely worded, underlined, a discrete distillation of a new world that lies on the other side of a click. Such a simple form, yet it connects two universes. By filtering and condensing, the link blog turns online chaos into a tidy little stack of clickable potential.”
So there. I’m not just cutting and pasting crap, I’m connecting Universes.
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I was March madder than hell when Maryland got screwed by the refs on Saturday night, but a few more vodka tonics at District Chophouse quickly erased that anger, and you have to give it to Butler, they played well and probably deserved to win.

There is no doubt, however, that MD got jobbed by the refs, and even the joe-lieberman-loving-fake-democrat-political- bloggers at the New Republic could see that (Pity the Turtle) -
Also the Terps lasted longer than Duke, so that is always win.
Don’t hate the player, hate their evil rat-like coach. Go here for a good dose of Coach K haterade.
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With Leather comes through again. This time finding a link to the greatest (beer pong) game ever played

From the FAQ on their website, the game was played over one night, using a keg and half in Ann Arbor Michigan
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Will someone else who watches 30 Rock, tell me if this is Tracy Morgan being Tracy Jordan or just Tracy Morgan being Tracy Morgan

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Is there a better way to totally waste 10 minutes than by listening to Weird Al’s - Trapped in the Drive Thru. The video is pretty weak, but the song is not.
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Yo Donkies(eys), its Dominic the Dahnkey
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Everyone knows the Star Wars Kid but I have never seen this other “Prisoner of You Tube” - Fat Mom Singing on Beach
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I finally got my hands on that Idiocracy DVD. I havent watched it yet but this design blog lets me know that it is worth watching just based upon the background stills.
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Forget iphone...here comes google phone . Gimme.
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Lance Mannion explains why glowing reviews from the right-wing-nutjob-land have soured me on any desire to see 300:

You would have to be incredibly paranoid, in addition to being afflicted with crippling self-pity and narcissism, to see the position of the United States today as analogous to that of the three hundred Spartans surrounded and about to be overwhelmed and annihilated by the the well-trained, well-equipped army of the most powerful empire in the world.

And you would have to be entirely deluded by a homoerotic hero-worship to think that Leonidas, an actual warrior-king who personally led his Spartans into battle and lay down his life along with theirs, and George Bush have anything in common.

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Those wheat donuts must be good.
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Who said that once you become a Republican candidate for President you must disavow any knowledge of science. It is amazing that this transcript of an interview with John McCain is real, and did not come from the Onion. The reporter gave McCain about four outs to try to let him recognize that condoms can help stop the spread of disease, but with the Christian right watching, McCain wont dare acknowledge science.

Q: “What about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should it be Bush’s policy, which is just abstinence?”
Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “Ahhh. I think I support the president’s policy.”
Q: “So no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?”
Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “You’ve stumped me.”
Q: “I mean, I think you’d probably agree it probably does help stop it?”
Mr. McCain: (Laughs) “Are we on the Straight Talk express? I’m not informed enough on it. Let me find out. You know, I’m sure I’ve taken a position on it on the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian, would you find out what my position is on contraception – I’m sure I’m opposed to government spending on it, I’m sure I support the president’s policies on it.”
Q: “But you would agree that condoms do stop the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Would you say: ‘No, we’re not going to distribute them,’ knowing that?”
Mr. McCain: (Twelve-second pause) “Get me Coburn’s thing, ask Weaver to get me Coburn’s paper that he just gave me in the last couple of days. I’ve never gotten into these issues before.”
This went on for a few more moments until a reporter from the Chicago Tribune broke in and asked Mr. McCain about the weight of a pig that he saw at the Iowa State Fair last year.

Are you fucking kidding me? You have to check with your political stance before you can go out on a limb regarding whether condoms help prevent AIDS. Straight talk express my ass. Goes right in line with this weeks news about Republicen Congressmen having to deny science on global warming before getting on a committee. Sickening.
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But at least we have Fitzmas, Abramoffakuh, and now New Years Roving Eve.
I was on the Fitzmas train on this blog since ‘95, and it was a success in nailing Cheney’s Cheney, Scooter Libby. Then Abramoffakuh spread Republican corruption around so nicely that they lost control of Congress.
Now this US Attorneys General scandal may be the New Years Roving Eve that finally brings down KKarl, and almost certainly will nail AG “torture memo” Gone-zalez.
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Even a caveman could beat Duke?

March Madness is finally back. Today, the sweetest day of the year to take a three hour lunch, was a rousing success. The Maryland win made my three hour lunch all the sweeter, and tonight has ended spectactulary.

I am one day late to the game by embedding everybody’s favorite Duke hate video one day after it was passed all over the internets, but I was on this Rosenberg game for weeks so I can post the damn thing one more time. I first introduced Peter Rosenberg to you redonkulous-readers a few weeks ago with his “Throw Some Cheese on It” video, and now the Hip-Hop-Weird-Al is back again with this ode to Duke hating...Is this why Duke lost? Any chance Pete can come up with a "This is Why Butler Sucks" video

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One thing missing from this tournament on CBS are some new Caveman commercials. However, with Leather has found a ten minute long Caveman skit which bodes extremely well for the caveman sit-com. The Caveman is freaking golfing with Phill Sims:

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If the casting director for the Caveman is reading right now, I’ve got the perfect girlfriend for the caveman... Antonelli Barb, um Antonell Barba, Antonella um you get it by now, people cannot spell her name but that hasnt stopped them from searching, at least according to Yahoo Buzz Meter.
Anyway, she would be great in the role and there is even a perfect tagline for Ms. Barba:
SO EASY EVEN A CAVEMAN COULD DO HER
OK, maybe the line nt that great, but tell me she wouldnt be great in the role.

You see right now Antonella is fielding some lesser offers like Playboy, Girls Gone Wild, and soft-core skinemax-style porn, among others. When asked about Playboy Barba answered. "I'm definitely not opposed to [thinking about] other offers, whether it's acting or modeling or something."
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To fill time until the Caveman & Idolslut Show, here are loads of deleted scenes from The Office
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Courtesy of Czabe.com I will now leave you with Duke’s home Court - Cameron...um...Dixon Indoor Stadium

Atonella Barra Barba (with dunks)

The Linker is gettin some love in the traditional media, thanks to awe inspiring The Washington Post Sports Bog Blog.

Apparently Dan and Mrs. Bog had a child last week, so Steinz is on a break, and the Bog is being run by guest NCAA bloggers during march madness. Therefore, the Bog is mostly nuts-and-bolts march madness news for the next month or so. But make sure you check back to the Bog once Steinz returns from paternity leave for some of the best sports blogging evah.
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Also, The Post Sports Bog Blog may be the best name for a blog since Bob Loblaw and his brilliant Bob Loblaw Law Blog

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Meanwhile the Linker’s traffic only continues to remain at a redonkulous level thanks to Antonella “Anotella” Barba and the spelling-challenged parno seekers who are searching for her pictures. If you think I am exaggerating the number of seekers, I will have you know that Ms. Barba just passed Myspace as the number one search term in all of the internets.. “'American Idol' Contestant Antonella Barba Bumps MySpace as New Number One Search Term With Web Users”

I only knew that Idol was on again last night because the site meter starting going nutz like the internets. So since this is the reason that 99.9% of you, who I do not know, got here --

this is the best place I can find for the scandalous and racy pictures of Anteater Barbarella, or Antonella Barbra, or whatever her name is.
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So now that Barba fans and Agent Steinz fans are flocking here I thought maybe I could combine the two fan groups with a La Barra Barba fanclub, with the banner up above, hit me up Steinz.
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With all of that out of the way I give you the:
Ode to the Failed Slam Dunk (with video)

The slam dunk. More than just a maneuver employed by tall people during basketball games, it is also one of the most famous lines from the Bush administration’s bungling of the lead up to the Iraq War. As reported in Bob Woodward’s book, when President Bush asked then-CIA Director George Tenet about the prospect of WMD’s in Iraq, he replied that it was a “slam dunk.” News came last month that in his memoirs, George Tenet is now defending his “slam dunk” comment by asserting that what he really meant was that it would be a “slam dunk” to convince the American people that there were WMD in Iraq. Riiight.

Anyway, I always wondered why Tenet didn’t just defend himself by saying, “I told him it was a slam dunk, not a sure thing, even NBA players miss a certain percentage of slam dunks.” So a slam dunk doesnt mean they had weapons, everyone got my comment wrong. Better excuse than sayin it was a slam dunk that we could convince them...right?

Its true, slam dunks do NOT always work and here is some pretty compelling defense material for Mr. Tenet (with thanks to Deadpsin, Videosift, and WithLeather, among others)

Many slam dunks are difficult to pull off, especially if you are white, and try to hurdle a cheerleader.


Even if your name is "Bird Man" it is difficult to pull off a showstopper, even after 20 or so comedic attempts


sometimes the slam dunker need to get some help from his friends


See George, even with help from a chair, a slam dunk clearly not a sure thing.



But even run of the mill slam dunks, by real athletes, are often flubbed...if you offend the dunk gods. Tyrus Thomas said he was only entering the NBA the dunk contest for money, and looked what happened that same week



If Bush really wanted a CIA director who knows about the “slam dunk” he should have hired this kid. He's got skillz.

Welcome to Costco, I love you

Thanks again to Videosift, I just stumbled accross the latest movie that I MUST see. Mike Judge’s Idiocracy. This movie apparently pissed of the studio so much (Fox) that it was pulled from theaters shortly after release and made approximately $35.

The plot, as best I can tell, involves an average man and woman being frozen in a government experiment in the present, and mistakenly left frozen for .about 500 years - until 2505. During those five generations, stupid people have continued to breed like crazy, while intelligent people have decided not to continue breeding nearly as a much. As a result we are left with an incredibly stupid population, run almost entirely by commercial interests, and our language has devolved into a mixture of hillbilly and inner-city slang.

Just take a look at Fox News of 2505 (the dude sounds EXACTLY like Shephard Smith by the way)

Also, my law school diploma would mean nothing when others have graduated from the prestigous school of law at Costco. which is the size of a small city..Costco rocks. I think the next couple entries in this post may demonstrate why this future is possible.
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The President in that future will likely be today’s, and everyday’s, worst person in the world....Ann Coulter.
Three days ago Coulter took the stage at the Conservative gathering CPAC, and called Democratic Presidential contender John Edwards a faggot. This is actually a top political conservative conference (this week not in some dystopian future), in which a bestselling conservative author and pundit: introduced a Presidential candidate, got a standing ovation, and called the oopposing party’s candidate a faggot

If you watched the “joke” she didnt directly call him a faggot, said she cant talk about him, because she cant say “faggot,” which apparently is some kind of Republican joke. I only know this is supposed to be some joke because the “conservatives” in attendance cheered and laughed...loudly. Go GOP go.
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A couple posts ago, I brought you the Caveman’s Crib, featuring the only commercial I currently enjoy, the Geico Caveman. Now the hype has built and the Caveman is going to get his own sitcom on ABC. (I don’t know if they will be able to pull it off, but it cant be worse than “According to Jim.”) Also in the works, I hear that the Aflac Duck and the Geico Gecko are getting a three-person Crossfire-type political show on CNN with Tucker Carlson. Woot.
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SPORTS
Glbert Arenas continues to show why he should be everyone’s favorite NBA player, regardless of his recent play. His latest blog entry is chock full of reasons why blog readers and geeks must hold him in the highest regard, and even includes reference to Redonkulous favorite Chuck Klosterman. For some reason Gilbert even seemed excited that Klosterman calls him a rockstar. NBA players are not supposed to give a shit about Chuck Klosterman.

Klosterman then penned a great story on Gilbert for the new New York Times Sports Magazine, and started a debate with the great Post Sports Bog on whether Arenas is weird or not. The debate was furthered by this True hoop Klosterman interview on Gilbert

I think the basic consensus is that Gilbert is extremely weird for a NBA superstar, but only because he is not a boring and one-dimensional product placement marketing scheme, which most NBA superstars are. Its ok to be a quirky blogger and still be considered “normal,” but if you retain that quirky bloggerness as an NBA superstar, then you are instantly weird. NBA superstars are supposed to be MJ, King James, and Tiger Woods style pitchmen and not have emotions or personalities, otherwise they would be weird.
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Agent Zero and the Wizards have been missing Jamison and Butler, 2 of the “big 3", up until their last couple wins, so they have been in a mini-slump...... but the Terps have more than picked up the slack.

Yesterday the Terps completed the sweep of the entiere state of North Carolina (inluding two recent victories over Duke as the Dukchebags in the stands were left trying to heckle Greivis Vasquez in Spanish about Hugo Chavez – it didnt rattle him one bit)

Meanwhile Mease is loving this recent Maryland turnaround
and has directed me to the GARY WILLIAMS SONG webpage on "You’re the man now dog" as a tribute to Garyland. HIT it, YTMND gary song.
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In fake gangsta news from BWE, Scott Storch goes after Timbaland with the worst diss video since Jin dissed rosie o’donnell . Way to keep it gangsta Jin, I myself will hold back on any Rosie diss albums as long as she continues to make Elizabeth Hasslebeck cry
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Finally, I remarked a couple posts ago that almost 10,000 people had looked at this site thanks in large part to a .gif of a college basketball coach biting the head off of a child. Although in the past I have drafted long and though-out posts regarding politics, religion, the Washington Wizards, science, and documentaries, that shit gets absolutely no traffic - and I am totally fine with that.

But something else changed here and about another 600 people have clicked on this site since last weekend. Internet lurkers have now flocked here in search of incorrectly spelled parno material. The phenomenon I speak of, is the Antonella Barba story from last week.

It seems that my misspelling of Ms. Barba’s first name as “Anotella” instead of “Antonella” has caused this blog to be a hot destination for the spelling challenged parno seekers.

Well, I hope the link to the site for the racy pics, satisfied all of the horny lurkers for nude american idol contestants, and this week- as an experiment in readership - I will again link to another Antonella Barba site.

The other popular site to featuring nude and topless pictures of Antella Barba, um topless pictures of Anotella Barba, um topless pictures of Antonella Barbara, um topless pictures of Antonela Barba, um topless pictures of Atonnella Barba, um topless pictures of Antonella Barbar, um pictures of Anotela Barba.... the nude photos are right here.